I'm going to be a single Mom!aack!

ever since i was in high school, i've always fantasized about being a single mom...thought it would be great fun...well, im 5 months pregnant with a man that's ...well...i dont want him involved. now it's actually happening and it's really hard. really hard. are there any other single moms out there that are sorta kinda in my situation that could give me some support?????

@

 

Being a single parent can be reeeally difficult. My mom raised me pretty much by herself starting when I was 4. I think the biggest thing you can do is find a really good, reliable, amazing babysitter or daycare for you kid while you work (usually when they're a bit older, not the day after they've been born or anything). I had some great babysitters growing up and my daycare (the one on the University I now attend) was freakin amazing, I loved it to death as a kid.

Just make sure you have a really good support structure behind you - parents, family and friends are all important and can help you out when you need that help.

 

Can I ask (not trying to sound like a bitch)... Why don't you want him involved?... Did he do something horrible?.. Cause its his child too... Does he know? If hes done something mean or horrible thats onething... Being a single mom is not Fun! Several of my girlfriends are and Its wicked hard... I hope everything works out for you... You got a rough road ahead

 

Im not a single mom but I am a mom none the less and I have friends who are single mome one who's had 2 kids now. It is hard but remember you won't be single forever. And because your a single mom at first that makes you that much more important to your child...got big shoes to fill but don't feel too overwhelmed just go with the flow and everything should fall into place.

 

Get yourself on the welfare system, as millions of other single moms are already using it, and live like a queen. That is what it's there for.

No rubber = Hundreds of $/month

 

THe father is schitzo, and he's been off his meds long enough
for the disease to just take over...he's taking meds now, it's just
that they don't really do what they need to do for him. He still believes
Bjork knows him, and that he's part of some underground art family
.....shit that does not fly...he wakes up every morning thinking of ways
to get a drink, or pop pills or whatever, and the only time he's nice to me
is when he's fucked up...and when he's sober, he's so irritable and just plain
mean. He's not stable, hasn't been for a long time, and I doubt he ever
will be. I know in my heart of hearts i should do every thing in my power
to stay away from him...but it's hard, cuz im labeled schitzo too, and
well you know i can relate and we've practically been best friends for about
two years now, but starting around the time i got pregnant, he changed so
gradually, we got in fights more often, or he would just freak out and
say " you have to go. would you please get the fuck out"
and i knew it wasn't me, but him. and then he'd come around about 3 days
later and well, this cycle has been going on for months now,
and when i picture him around a baby, it frightens me, i dont
think i would trust him to be alone with it. I love him,
..............I have family, and friends, that i know will help me,
im not worried about that, it's just this issue with the father,
im not sure how its going to end up or what role, if any, he's going to play.

@

 

way ahead of ya on that one

 

i was pretty much a single mom with my first husband, having him around was like watching another child..............

 

lol......

 

oh wow... um my ex(the father of my kids) was exactly like this too...

 

I'm really offended at the fact that you don't want the father involved. He may have problems, but that doesn't get rid of the fact that he is biologically a part of that child. That child has every right to know his dad...and for you to say you don't want him involved is horseshit. Why would you want your child not to know a part of his hertiage? I could see if your boyfriend was a sexual predator or something and was a danger to your child, but as long as you supervise the kid when he/she is with the father, if you're THAT scared...I don't see a problem.

I've seen so many times where a chick lays up with some dude, then doesn't want him involved when a child is conceived. That's unfair and childish on your part.

I wish my mom would have let my dad around more often...

 

Please don't let what your childhood was like afflict you with being offended
of me. You don't know this person...he is mentally abusive and sometimes physically. If it may help you to feel any better, as long as he's willing to get help and admit that he's an alcoholic, and a schitzophrenic, and become somebody who would nurture this childs spirit as he'she grows and matures then i am MORE than happy for him to be involved...after all, i do in some respect have a deep fondness for the man, otherwise, i would not have let the horrible notion of abortion stop me, or the idea of giving junior up for adoption be so bad. we share a union of souls of some sort, but his dillusions are controlling him right now to the point where it would be unhealthy for the baby for him to be around, much less unsafe! you don't know! and even more!!>.....going through this emotional toil while im still pregnant......and the stress and the tears
and the physical heartbreak i go through each day....!

So right now, I am HOPING so bad that he will eventually WANT to
get help, to use all of his potential as an artist to paint this
hell he's in once he's out of it...i don't know..

I am hoping that once he sees this baby in the physical world
then he will step back and be like...my god...and forget all of his
own troubles, and....

@

 

Just to save a bit of money, use cloth diapers and breast feed (or if you can't be with the kid at all times, use one of those pumps that pumps the breast milk into a bottle, instead of having to buy formula). Maybe have your mom/dad/sisters/brothers/friend watch him/her...Go on welfare, get baby clothes from somewhere like Target instead of Babies R Us where it's more expensive...
I've never been in that situation, so I don't really know what else to say but I really hope everything goes well with ya!

 

a couple people have suggested that you go on welfare, but you should REALLY research it and the restrictions it could put on you before you do that, if that's something you're considering.

 

I am sticking to my original statement

 

about the baby's father... maybe you could get supervised visits set up when you're kid is actually around, and make sure he's on his meds before the visit. I do think that having the dad around, even if only part time, is a good thing for a kid (speaking as a child of divorce)

 

i am sorry to hear that you are having to deal with this when you should be focusing all of your energy towards the growing spirit inside of you.

first, i want to second the breastfeeding and cloth diapering... it has saved our family lots of money!!! no i am not a single mama but I am a mama of almost 3 (little one should be here real soon). it is a lot more economical.

second, i agree with lawngirl on the whole welfare system. read, read, read all you can about it as there may be restrictions that you are not willing to make.

lastly, if and when the father gets his act together allow the child to see him as the child may resent you in the long run if not given the chance to make the decision whether or not to associate with him.

 

Those of you chastising her for not wanting an un-medicated schizophrenic in her infant's life obviously don't know much about schizophrenia..

 

I'm with ydnim....Keep him AWAY, the child will be tremdously hurt by meeting the father, you know him, Maybe when the child gets older and at the time, she/he may make the decision to meet them and you guys can go from there. In the mean time, he will only bring you down with him. Let a ship sink if you aren't on it. Everyone can save themselves, if they don't want to drown, they will learn to swim pretty quickly. Do your best at protecting your child.

Namaste

Francine

 

you dont have to go upon welfare if you need help...you can just get other forms of state help that are less welfareish...like Im in california and we are offered here medical which is NOT welfare but healthcare on a scale based on yoru income. Babies born to parents who make very little will have free heathcare their first year and it is yearly reevaluated. There is also wick and other programs. I agree with another poster about researching what may happen to you if you sign up for the help you want...but I will have to advise that you cannot actualy predict the stupid situations you can find yourself in as I have been on medical in the past and I had to deal with some way stupid shit through them just not entering things in computers correct etc... just keep track of everything.