Im really afraid, of nothing and everything... Maybe its because of the psychological problems in my family tree. But still, I am losing it... I need some help, if some one can enlighten me back to reality with words of widsom or such... But lately, I guess Ive been testing the bounds of reality too much in the past months... Take yesterday for example, I went to have a walk in the forest... I came upon some people (still not even sure), kept going, and the memory of meeting those stranges was like a picture, have I seen it? or did someone just show me that picture? what makes me so sure, everything IS, and is not just illusion. it's like if every part of my life are just pictures and pictures. Im going through a photo album, that is my life... world is flipping by.. scene by scene, picture by picture... I am losing touch with reality... I cant look at my family like people who see, who breath air, who... live. Nothing lives. As for I, I dont live... I dont know what the hell life IS.. I look at myself in the future, having a job.. but fuck that. I wont be strong enough to live in a fume of clouds. waking up for work, and coming back home to sleep... I wanna ... I dont know anymore, I wanna live.. but yet, I am sure if I was free, in a completely ungoverned world, I will still feel like a part of my subconscious is missing, whatever happens to me... I doubt everything... Im tired of life. Its just so funny, how everytime I turn on this machine, my computer, it seems to put a cloud over my head, so I am not in contact with all my worries and thoughts... When I was in love with a girl... and we were going out... I didnt have worries or confusions, cause I was living in a cloud... But right now, my mind is absolutely TOO open!!!... I freak out everyday for losing myself in track of actions and time... Anyways, please dont think of me as a psycho... I really want some thoughts on what to do or what not to do... thanks in advance
If you don't break away from your family's psychological problems now, you'll have a harder time dealing with it later on in life. I don't like psychiatrists that don't do their damn job, but I make it clear that I don't believe in popping benzos (heh, and I know what it's like to be a pill fiend, but it's not the only train out... actually, it's more like one of those little things that you have to crank to go down the railroad... forgot what the hell they're supposed to be called) and that sometimes just having a really intelligent person to chill with every now and then helps... I have alot of personal trust/social issues that relate to my family. I've had a hell of alot of people die on me in the past year or two... so x-mas has been difficult as I haven't spent it with anyone.
no, I cant say anything dramatic has happened to me... I actually believe, what I see, is really what is there to see... I would like to live a normal life, but yet, I look at some normal people sometimes... and too close minded, is not better than too open minded... Ill probably end up like everyone who broke the boundaries... die young
Honestly, I dont think there are ways to fix my thoughts, I have gained a certain perspective, or , awareness. and i think its there to stay, It has turned me into an indifferent being. But there are somethings I can try... I have read that in many "indian culture" books, or shamanic lectures... which is to love the world you're in.. after all, it IS your universe... you do what you want from it... Im not planning on killing myself or anything . but its just.. I have a hard time trying to love my universe.
I understand, man... you aren't the only one out there. The universe is just something you cannot dissect because it is one, though there are little bits and pieces I like to kick in the shin every now and then... it's good for you.
yea, the universe is one weird fuck ... But yes, I must say.. I have some weird but really fun periods in my life.. Sometimes Ill awaken in the morning, Ill be alone in the house, and ill just have some euphoria boosts. It just makes me feel great, I let them come out.. those burts of energy, thats what I live for.. Ill laugh alone, let my craziness come out. talk to myself, talk to walls... live the moment... But my mind is filled with different feelings.. I am a roller coaster, seriously... the difference between those euphoric boosts and my downers are quite impressive.
There's a time to stand up and there's a time to sit... let it out, but don't let it eat you. That's always been my main issue.
i can be the same man.it's just something about being alone sometimes that just makes me feel like me.i guess you can say i feel normal.
Me As Well I Just Act Like Really Wierd When Alone Just Jump Around And Let My Negativity Go ! I Find It Hard To Forgive My Self For The Ppl Ive Hurt In My Life , But When Those Feelings Come I Just Push Em Away
wow im glad im not the only one i always thought that the talking to myself was always strange after realizing what the hell im doing
well its better than most conversations i have with humaniods! does writing music help with the feelings?
Oh yeaaa. I love writing music, I live for music. I guess music is the only thing Id love to do in the future, and poetry... Does anyone know how to . I dunno, post our music on the internet. or something
i think putfile.com but i saw you played guitar through my babies mom leaving me , music was the saving pouint for me
