I'm trying to put this unbelievable cybersex situation into perspective.

I was browsing around the forum to see what kinds of things people post in here, and I think this is a great place for discourse so here's my story. I'm looking for particularly female perspectives on this whole situation:

I was doing some live broadcasting last Sunday, just to chill, relax, and maybe meet some cool new people [not looking for sex or drama really]. It was actually my first broadcast so only 20 people wandered in, and maybe 4 or 5 stayed to chill with me.

Anyways, this woman comes in and she says a few things I don't remember too well in my chatroom, and then asks me for my skype name. I figured she just wanted to chat with me so I gave it to her.

I logged into Skype and added her to my list. Everything seemed pretty normal; she just asked me whether I was in a relationship or had kids -- looking back on it, I should have probably known what she was going to do next. I was asking her why she was messaging me on Skype and not in my broadcast chatroom. Then she told me she had a thing for guys like me, and she wanted to hit on me.

So, I was testing her a bit, trying to find out the point of it since it was all over a computer anyways. I figured it was stupid since we'd never actually meet each other physically. She expertly handled my questions (passed my little test so to speak), and then started asking me some really hot questions about sex, which I answered honestly and objectively because that's just the way I am. I even told her I was a virgin. I was also still broadcasting while I was typing these answers to her on skype, because she didn't have my full attention, which she wanted. So she sent me 6 pictures of herself, including 2 nudes, which looked a little too hot to be true. It was pretty obvious what she wanted at this point, but I was skepticle and told her she was probably a dude. So then she linked me to her facebook profile and I was actually shocked. Her pictures (except the nudes of course) were all posted there, and she's actually a really intelligent young woman studying clinic/medicine at a high ranked private university. She had more friends than me, and enough posts on her wall from her friends to show that this wasn't a fake profile. She was volunteering in Japan to help with the earthquake damage. I gave her my profile too, since it only seemed fair. In other words, she was the last person I would expect to be looking for people to have sex with online.

She was beautiful enough to find a real guy and have her way with him so, naturally, I asked her what she was doing flirting with me. She told me she was living in a rural area in Japan with nothing to do in the evening -- fair enough since I had similar feelings when I was abroad. She also told me she was entertained by my MBTI personality type, which I had displayed on my broadcast. I ended my broadcast and gave her my full attention. I learned she was 9 years younger than me and attracted to older men.

Since I wasn't broadcasting, I did a video call with her. She asked me what my limit on forwardness was, and I didn't really have an answer for that. So she just told me in explicit detail what she wanted to do with me and I asked her questions about how many people she'd had sex with, how often she had sex, how semen tasted, and all these other things I was curious about. She was extremely knowledgeable. She answered in complete honesty, which was hot. I'd gathered that she's generally very selective about who she has sex with, and the fact that this smoking hot woman wanted to do all these nasty things to *me* really turned me on. She straight out told me that all she wanted was for me to imagine that I was inside her while I was ejaculating.

And then we pretty much had cybersex -- my first real sexual experience. She did it pretty much how you see it in hardcore pornos, and she is the first woman who saw me naked. And right afterward she had to go, but she told me she'd be back and that I should take my skype status off of 'Invisible' so she could see when I was on.

The next day I apologized to her for leaving and told her she was free to message me if she wanted to chat. To be honest, I didn't think she was going to ever chat with me again and I was pretty used to being jerked around by women in the past so I decided not to message her anymore.

But to my surprise she messaged me two days after our first encounter, and asked me how our cybersex made me feel, which my answers in turn, made her really horny again so we teased and pleasured each other again before she had to go (LOL, is this normal?). She had also changed her well-dressed Skype profile picture to a topless one -- sorta makes me wonder what kinds of "friends" she has on Skype. I'm assuming she's nailing more guys on Skype than just me (which I don't really have a problem with), but I'm afraid that asking her how many guys she's currently having cybersex with may not be a good question to ask (BUT I really want to ask her; should I?).

I messaged her yesterday (only once with a "hello") and she didn't respond. I usually take this as the whole staying away from each other for awhile thing that happens after meeting up so I didn't send her any other messages and won't until she contacts me again -- if she ever does.

Everything about this strange and unreal situation just turns my world upside down in an awesome way. I used to think only desperate, ugly people had cybersex. I used to think women would never EVER approach me like this in any situation, even over the internet. I used to think these kinds of things were one-night stands, and there was no value in cybersex. I also used to think many women needed to be in a relationship before they'd do this sort of thing; she got to listen to me for a few minutes in my chatroom, but we didn't even date! Aside from her smoking hot good looks and her nude photos, she comes off publicly as a classy woman with a bright future -- pretty much the kind of woman that someone would want to marry more than have sex with -- rather than the kind of woman who would go online to get sex when she couldn't find it easily where she lived. Also, aren't these cybersex encounters usually anonymous? She trusted me with her facebook information and I know her real name.

BUT, having only last week lost my virginity, I have no idea what to expect out of all this, and that's why I'm posting this here. The thing is that she's extremely honest and probably not ashamed to answer any questions I ask her. And I'm pretty much the same way which is why our sex questions probably turn each other on so much. I've told her I won't judge her and I don't. She's probably the first woman I've met that can flirt without playing games. I want to learn more about her, but I'm afraid it might ruin the mood if I ask too many questions. I have no idea whether she only wants sex (which is fine with me), or if she'd genuinely be interested in starting a relationship (which would be even finer with me) and possibly meeting up in the future. Much of her activity chatting with me suggests the former. But she did link me to her facebook profile which kind of suggests she doesn't mind us learning more about each other. I guess you could say that while I'd never in my right mind refuse sex from her, I'm becoming interested in getting to know her more.

I'm wondering whether I should just try to get her attached to me since I'm genuinely interested in her and I heard women tend to get emotionally attached after sex. She seems kind of different though, even though she was always faithful to her boyfriends when she was with them. I mean, usually you get to know the girl before she's comfortable having sex with you. It's backwards with us. The easy thing would be to just ask her what our status is, but wouldn't that be a turn-off and eventually ruin what we have now? In other words, I'm afraid that if she suspects or knows that I'd want to take this further, it would be a complete turn-off for her and it would destroy our sexual feelings for each other.

I know that most people seem to engage in cybersex because it's really safe, can build confidence after a broken relationship, the anonymous nature can prevent drama, and it's better than masturbating. I'm hoping someone who's more experienced in cybersex matters or online relationships like this could enlighten me with some opinions and maybe some cybersex etiquette. While I didn't really take cybersex seriously before, after doing it I've changed my mind.

1) Do people usually have more than one person that they regularly cyber with, or is most of it one night stands? She did make sure I was single before hitting on me proper; and she broke up with her boyfriend before she moved to Japan for school. But maybe she's doing it with other guys online while she's single.
2) How often do people generally have cyber sex together?
3) Have real relationships ever really happened out of this? Do people become emotionally attached?
4) Do people who have cybersex generally ask each other about their personal lives? She did ask me where I lived before we started talking. I want to know more about her but I'm afraid she'll feel like I'm prying or creepy or coming on too strongly to her (as if cybersex wasn't strong). :/
5) Do people generally schedule times to meet up? Right now we're just randomly messaging each other when we see each other on Skype (I'm learning that she likes to be the one to approach me)

I also thought long and hard about what I wanted to ask her next time (our third meeting) we chatted, and here's my list:

1) What exactly am I to you?
*2) May I ask you some personal questions, or are you uncomfortable with that?
*3) How long is this going to last?
*4) What are you doing over the holidays?
*5) Am I the only one you're cybering with?

* - Personal questions I'm thinking might ruin the mood.

I'm mature enough not to get heartbroken by her, but I suspect losing my virginity is making me over-analyze this already unconventional situation. I just want to understand her side a little more.

 

i am no expert, but i would recommend that you ask her these questions, for sure, only not all at once.... each time you Skype, maybe find out the answer to one of the questions, then the mood may not be spoiled... say that you are new to this... that you want to understand a little more about where she is coming from... be honest about how you feel... honest but cautious... cautious because it sounds like you are falling for her and it may well be that she is only interested in cyber sex interaction at the moment... that may or may not change... just stay real... good luck

 

Thanks for the response lillallyloukins.

That's exactly what the problem is. I just couldn't put it into words. I am falling for her, but I would stop falling for her if she told me she wasn't interested in anything except for the cybersex. Then I could just enjoy what we have for as long as it lasts, which would probably be until she returns to the US.

I'm going to start by asking her -- in as artful a way as possible, probably by first stating that she's selective about who she has sex with -- if she has other people she cybers with at the moment aside from me. If I'm her exclusive toy, then at least I'll know I have some value to her and then I can probably ask her what she's doing over the holidays since it's most relevant.

She usually wants me to "do things" to her before she'll let me ask my questions anyways. And usually after a few questions, we're no longer thinking about anything but pleasing each other anyways.

 

even if she is cyber-sexing with many people. you will still be valuable to her, otherwise she wouldn't bother cyber-sexing with you at all... but as you are developing feelings for her and her cyber-sexing with more than one may bother you, then yes, sounds like you are going the right way about it... obviously, cyber-sex is not the same as actual physical sex, together, geographically... it is much safer, but a lot of feelings can surface nevertheless, so just be careful as it can get real confusing emotionally... stay honest and open but cautious :2thumbsup:

 

I'm just guessing but,,,
The uncertainty adds to your excitement, loose it and you'll not be as un-bored by this whole experience. Knowing woulld just make it more vanilla anyway.

 

I might just be skeptical but I think you're reading into it all a bit too much... but it can't do harm to ask.

Also, this situation isn't as unbelievable and rare as you might think. I've had arrangements like it before.

** Sent from my phone using Tapatalk :]

 

Thanks for reaffirming this for me; I had thought that cyber sex may not have held value between people even if they engaged in it a lot. I was just lost and wondering what my value was to her. She hasn't messaged me since last Wednesday so I'm thinking that I made a big deal out of nothing. I was probably just her toy for Monday and Wednesday, which sort of puts my mind at ease now. I'm going to assume she won't contact me again and completely stop thinking about this.

I do admit that it adds a certain amount of excitement to this, but at the same time my personality makes me more bothered by the uncertainty than excited. After dealing with a lot of women in the past though, I've become sort of numb to this sort of thing and have learned to let it go. In other words, I can ignore contacting them even if I really really want to and have their contact information. I sort of want the vanilla in this case though.

You're definitely right about me reading too much into this. I tend to study and analyze things to break them down when I don't understand them. There are three things that made this traumatic for me:

1) The fact that I am (or was) a virgin before this experience, and it was also my first time broadcasting myself over the internet [Not even looking for sex!].

2) It was with an extremely attractive intelligent woman, and I'm that weird guy who sticks to the wall at parties. I feel awkward hugging people (even friends) and I'm horrible at small talk. I'm not an ugly guy, but I think if anybody saw me with her in a public place they'd be shocked we were together.

3) I had absolutely no knowledge of the emotional and psychological impact of cyber sex on people involved before I even tried it, so I didn't know whether what I was experiencing was normal or not.

Anyways, if you don't mind me asking skinny.jeans, how do you feel about your past and present cyber partners? Would it be weird for you if any of them wanted to meet up with you in person? Have you or they ever became emotionally attached, or was it always purely physical?



If she does contact me and I have any more questions I'll update this thread. Thank you all for your help. I may be almost 30 but I'm so completely pathetic when it comes to relationships that I can't even discuss these things with my real friends. It's the only thing in my life I've really had to struggle with and come to terms with because my logical mind can't comprehend these things. I really appreciate it.