In My Home

I do all the "woman's" work and my fiance does all the "man's" work. I'm not a feminist at all, but I am a women's rights advocate. I am wondering why it seems like some feminists are so against women who choose to be housewives. I realize that not all feminists are like this, but some act like if you enjoy housework there's something wrong with you.

 

That's so true... the thing is, real feminism is about being equal, as in having equal opportunities and the power to make choices. So, you as an equal human have the right to make a choice, to work outside the home or work inside the home. You exercise your right to choose by working inside the home, and more power to you. The thing is, I think a lot of people think working inside the home isn't "real" work so it's not important. The first year I lived on my own I gained a whole new respect for my mom, who was a SAHM my whole life... it's HARD man, real hard.

 

I'm probably a feminist's worst nightmare in some ways. I think sometimes I'm stuck back in the 1950's, the "June Cleaver" mother. I get called "Martha Stewart" and "Betty Crocker", but it only gives me pride, because my children and my home ARE my job and I take great pride in that.

However, I tend to become irritated that there seems to be a division of household responsibilites within the male and female sexes. For example, I cook, I clean, and I am the one who cares for our children a vast majority of the time. I do the laundry, although my husband will occasionally do this on his own, I plan the parties, and I pretty much make the decisions around the house. I have deligated the paying bills to him, and he does the yardwork, car repairs, taking out the garbage, as well as working full-time to provide for the five of us.

Many times, I offer a trade. Such as, he can give the kids their baths, and I will go outside and do the yardwork, but he never accepts my offers. He says that I shouldn't be out there doing that kind of work. This infuriates me, because although I am a stay-at-home mother (I refuse to call myself a "housewife" for some reason) I feel that I can tackle any job, regardless of whether or not it is a "supposedly" male or female job. I can do just as good as a man, if not better. I feel that I do not need to be treated like a china doll that will break and I enjoy proving that to men.

With that said, I don't feel that there is anything wrong with enjoying the role as a home-maker, but I also don't like to be stereo-typed.

Hugs...

 

homemaking is seen as inferior to breadwinning because with out the breadwinning, you cannot carry on with homemaking. If you live at home , you are basically dependent on your husband for financial support and ofcourse money=power, this means that your husband has the ability to overpower you. How can this be equality then?

 

Hmm, I can see your point in a way, but why not look at it as the WOMAN having the power? She stays home while her husband goes out and works outside the home, she dictates how the household is run, how to handle the children regarding discipline and everyday living. Isn't that a form of power as well?

I don't consider myself dependant upon my husband. Yes, although it is true that without his job and financial input that is essential to my being a stay-at-home mother, I would not be where I am, but we would not be able to be where we are now if it weren't for myself as well. He can barely function on his own. lol

Peace...

 

i think its great when a parent--dad or mom--chooses to stay home with the children; i am glad i wasn't raised by a babysitter! i guess in a lot of situations its neccessary that both parents work outside the home, but its just nice, to me, when one can stay home.

 

So you are saying that he was not able to function well before he met you?

 

Yes, I think it is great for a parent to stay at home. I think it has a really good effect on the kids and their future. I think its wonderful when you are always there for your kids.

 

I think that so long as both of you feel that the workload is split evenly between you guys, it's equality... it's a good balance for you two specifically. Each couple's balance is different from one another. I don't think I could handle staying at home all the time, but that's just me... I go to school fulltime yet I'd feel weird if I didn't have a part-time job that I go to at least twice a week. I like being busy!

 

i am a WAHM, and i am also a feminist. i think a lot of people who believe feminists are against either parent staying home with children, or that there has to be an unequal power balance in such relationships, really don't understand the feminism of today, and are confusing it with the old-school, separtist "feminism", which is out dated because it really didn't work. keep in mind i am including people who call themselves "feminists" as well. feminism is about equality.

 

Then please tell me the latest feminist ideas so that I can update my brain to believe them

 

well, i don't really care what you believe, but modern feminism isn't about pitching a battle between the sexes, it's more about equality and harmony. it's about women having choice and freedom in their own lives, and making peace with men, not submitting to them or "fighting" them. men our not our enemy, in the workplace, or the home. the system is the "enemy", and it hurts men as much as it hurts women. i don't have to be ashamed of or appologize for being woman, or for working in the home so i can be with the kids. feminism can embrace both the working woman or man, and the stay-at-home parent.


feminism is about women having an equal opportunity to live their lives as they choose. if someone tells you you can't be "feminist" and work in the home they are not respecting your choice, or ability to make a decision.

 

Could you please explain to me what the difference is? I thought that a women's rights advocate would, by definition, be a feminist...

As for why some feminists have a problem with women who choose to be housewives, they see it as a betrayal to the cause... Looking at the history of it, how many of those type of women were raised to believe that they had no choice, that was the woman's place -- they had to fight to have any other opportunities. Despite what society in general says, some girls are still raised that way today -- one example would be a good friend of mine whose parents are fundamentalist christians, she rebelled, her (19 or 20 y.o.) sister bought into it & is nice & obedient to her husband. So, choosing to stay at home, to them, is a rejection of everything they've worked so hard for OR is a sign that you need to wake up & realize that you have these other options.

Now, I of course don't agree & would tend to think most feminists would be more open today (tho, I do tend to live in a bubble, the fact that Bush got more than say 15% of the vote proved that!). Those of us who were raised to believe that we DO have a choice can appreciate being a housewife as a valid choice.

However, I do have to say there must be something a little off if you do actually enjoy housework That has nothing to do with your gender or with any feminist issue, that just seems sick because I dislike housework so much!

 

haha, I agree with you, very nice.

 

Even if some women have the ability to choose to stay home, there are still many that have no choice but to stay home. The more women who choose to stay home, the more it justifies in the minds of men who expect their wives to stay home that they're right. And then all women lose in the end, right?

 

i suppose the same could be said of women (or for that matter, men) who want to stay home but feel they are forced to work to bring in a second income.

 

I was a SAHM and student. Then one day, my husband decided that it was time to retire. So, he stopped working.

I was forced to go to work and become the breadwinner for our family of 5.

Definitely not easy to do, but I'm glad. I'm glad, because when the time came for me to kick him out (approximately 6 years later), I knew how to work and support a family.

 

I don't get what you mean: how is it that he decided that "it was time to retire"? And why is it that you would leave him just because he wanted to stay home with the kids?

 

She didn't say she kicked him out because he retired, she only said that she was independent enough and confident enough that she can support a family which made it easy for her to survive on her own- when the time came to kick her husband out.

 

So do you think what men think is right will be put into practice? So you think that women are so weak that they can be controlled by what men might think?