Is the problem Me,Him, or Us?

Ok the husband is basically a hermit. He hates to go anywhere unless it is were he wants to go. The movei store , the auto parts store,the drive in , the video or cd stores. He hates to be around a group of people unless it is a group of his friends and family except his step family.

Me, I am a go getter kinda girl I love to go to the club, out with friends, to movie theaters, I love to be around people any people, my co workers after work, my friend, people at the club. I am just a people kind of person.

So I ask him to go places with me even if it is to Walmart or the grocery store it almost takes and act of god to get him to go WTF! He would rather send me out on my own then go or have me at home constantly asleep. If I do stay home and sleep he asks are youy depressed do you need to go to the Dr. WTF no stupid I want you to spend time with me and yes I mean in public.
Come on my friend do not believe I am married most of the time they think it is a cover story so I will be left alone. Awhile back he went out with me and a friend said to his face oh OMG the mythalogical creature does exist, the guys that I hang out with asked did you hire a husband for a night to prove us wrong. His response its not her I just hate people.

He says I am wonderful, Beautiful, and all that he ever wanted, all that he will ever need for the rest of his life. Then why won't he go places with me? Why should I have to be home all the time around none of my friends so he can be happy and comfortable ok how about a little of him giving and going with me once in awhile like oh say once a mo. for a couple of hours. Hell he is even an ass to my friend when they come over and hang out if they try to talk to him unless of course they will play a video game of his choice or go stick their head in an engine block with him.

Sorry guys I am ranting really big time but I am really aggervated.

A friend of mine wanted us to come watch the foot ball game at a bar with him tonight I had asked the hubby if we could go he said can't we just watch the game here. He knows Chris Likes to watch the game out on a big screen. Just this once I wanted him to go out and watch the game with me and a friend one he know and says he has respect for. I have went to football parties at his friends houses. He just wouldn't go and wanted me to stay home. So in spite when the boss called and said he needed me to work you bet your ass I said yes. So I miss the game completly and I am hear at work mad as F@%$.

What is your take on this, even if it is brutle.

 

Ok ! He just called to see if I wanted to go out with his friend and his wife after work. What the hell does he think that is a fair trade? HELP!

 

It sounds to me like he has social anxiety about going around people he doesn't know. My ex was that way. We hung out with his friends at his place and thats about it. It sucked so I started taking my friends to his place with me and things got better once he got to know them.

 

We went to the foot ball game and a friend (Chris) of mine came up to nose bleed from club level and sat with us all night he and the hubby talked and seemed to get along. That is why I though he would go tonight to this small pub, you know not many people. The thing is I have offered to go to the places I know he will go he says he doesn't want to then turns around and goes there with his friends it just hurts you know.

 

Ya I know it sucks. Have you ever just showed up with your friends where he is with his friends?

 

Yep couple of times they were just getting ready to go home or change locations. When we do go out together he is a jack ass the whole time. So I tend to leave him sitting and sulking while I visit with people.

 

He likes to try and piss me off so we can go home even at my families unless it was his idea to visit them.

 

I don't want to sound mean but he seems like an ass. Who doesn't respect you.

 

So I have been told by my closest friends. He is really cool with his people and would help almost anyone I asked him to if it had to do with a car.

I put up with a lot from him, but true to my pisces self I am to caring.

I just love him but he pisses me off to no end. I have thought of divorcing him but when it comes down to it I can't do it.

 

Was he like this before you guys got married? If he was not it sounds like he is getting comftrable so maybe either add sex when he goes with you and take away sex if he does not, or just wants to be with his friend group and not your's?

 

It sounds like he just needs to grow up and get over his selfish life style. He is not the only one that matters in the marriage.

 

It sounds like you guys just want different things out of life. He might not be a bad guy and you definitely don't sound bad at all (to the contrary!) ... you just want VERY different things.

My best friend and his girlfriend just went through this. They ended up breaking up because each knew they could be happier with someone who wanted more compatible things.

But we all know how hard it is to leave assholes. I have been involved with a shitload of assholes too, and it is HARD to leave! I have never been good at it, to the point that my own life is now pretty much ruined (at least for the time being).

I hope you can find some sort of amicable compromise ... we're here for you! Keep us posted.

 

are you serious?, no wonder your pissed off at him, i'd be asking what the hell he was playing at, what a total dick he's being to you beautiful!

 

Sounds like there's something deeper going on here. Whether he's playing games or there's social anxiety - everything you mention sounds like a symptom of something else that's perhaps at the heart of it.

 

After we got married, after I lost 70 lbs, after i gained it back because I thought that was what the problem was, that I was to thin to please him.

 

When I got home Saturday he must of knew I was pissed to beat the band because the house was spotless the games were turned off and he didn't mention going out with his friends at all. He omly asked how work was and what time he needed to be ready to go to my neice and nephews on Sunday. Of course I am sure body language had a lot do for a silent warning. Went to bed about 20minutes after getting home. Yesterday he avoided my parents by working on his cousins car. When I asked if he was going with me to Blue Springs with me he said he had stuff to do and sent his cousin with me. I was going out there to pick somethings up for him for crise sakes. My friend Maria called to see if she could come by for a visit and I warned him in advance that he had better be nice or all hell was going to break loose. He chose friendly sarcasim. We didn't talk much just watched a movie (you, me $ Dupree), then went to sleep. Oh and yes I was still nice enough to fix his dinner for him.

 

Oh no.

Relic, cover your eyes:

What a jerk.

Okay, you can uncover your eyes now.

Don't change yourself for him, Relic. If you want to be thin, be thin; if you don't, don't. If you want to go out, go out; if you want to stay in, stay in.
Don't try to curry his favor by adding and withholding sex as if it were some kind of bribe. You're worth more than that.
Definitely go out and do things on your own, because you are worth that too.

Best of luck, dear, and we are all here for you ... :flowers:

 

Your husband is a toad and a control freak. Lose him.

 

Thanks SUncatch22. I don't with hold what brings me satisfation. I am going to go back on weight watchers starting next week. I already told him that I have plans for next Friday he can come or not I am sick of the fight. But watch like always he will have a fit if I go out more then he thinks I should. Then he will follow me just to prove I am doing something wrong just to be proved wrong, because I will just be hanging out with my friends who will tell him flat out that if he was out with me he would have to worry about where I was and what I was doing because he would know I was having a drink with some friends and dancing with a group of girls at the club. No one else!

 

Relic - I'l bet your asshole guy has a lot of tattoos. Give him one more - Bye Bye