Is this a good reason to break up with someone?

Its been about a month so the fact that I have any doubt about this relationship this early on is not a good sign. There are times that I am just not happy and that is not good. If I am not happy now, I never will be.

The reason I am not happy is this: She'll come and see me and stuff than sometimes she'll have to leave, which is cool, thats not why I am mad. What is uncool is she'll sometimes be like, "I'll be back in an hour" or "I'm just going downstairs to drop something off in my room" and won't return for 2...or 5 hours...or 7 or more...the exact time doesn't matter as it differs cos it has happened many times. Well, I don't mind her being gone that long. But when she says she'll be right back and is gone that long, I don't like that at all cos I am here waiting when I could be chillin with friends.

I have talked to her about her empty promises. Oh today is "all about you" she'll say but apparently things come up. I only get mad because she says these things and doesn't back them up. if she didn't say them in the first place I wouldn't care! I could go days without seeing my gf! But I am not happy about this, and I think I may need to break this off. It will be hard cos we've already had sex and I knows she likes me a lot, she asked me out. She gets goosebumps when I kiss her which she says is a good thing...but I don't care cos I am not happy and tired of empty promises...someday she could prmoise something big and not follow through and I am afraid of being disapointed. I am not a clingy person at all, I just expect dependibilty.

 

I would say it is. Next!

 

I feel very strongly for those I care for and I care about her...so I wanna let her down gently if I decide to break this off.

I mean, she doesn't even know I am mad or disapointed or anything...I did talk to her once but she didn't seem to realize. This could be partially my fault for not expressing myself more...I usually do, but in this situation, I figured things would get better. But if I am in a situation where I hope things get better this early on, that too is a bad sign...these should be the amazing times, the cloud 9 times, where we can't get enough of each other.

 

Let her down gently? She can't be too dependent if she always stays away for hours, knowing you are stuck waiting........I was a bit of a prick I guess, but if I was with a girl, and she was a 1/2 hour late, and didn't call.....I left. Why is she allowed to waste your time, isn't your time worth anything? That is what she is saying, that she doesn't care if you wait all day, she can't be bothered to press those little buttons on the phone and show you some respect as her partner.

 

that is true, I don't know if she knows I am waiting cos sometimes I am like "ahhh screw it and peace out". so maybe she thinks i do that all the time

yeah I just talked to three of her friends who are friends with me too and than talked to two of my other friend. I am pretty sure I am ending this.

 

Keep her as a friend, and tell her that you are going to date other women . . . and that you'll continue to date her, too, if she wants. She sounds o.k., but you shouldn't put all your eggs in her one basket at this point. Also, the next time she says "I'll be back soon," teasingly respond "I might or might not be here when you return." If she gets upset with your remark, or reacts in a negative way, say "You've made me wait half my life waiting for you to return."

 

I made another topic about her and her bi poplar/ADD...so to much baggage at this point. I know people who have it under control, she doesn't.

 

This may be as Good as it gets.

The current situation seems to be a source of problems.
Will you have the ability/desire to handle the situation if/when it worsens?

 

please talk to her and make your dissatisfaction clear before you just dump her. make sure she knows that it really is a problem.. one that is serious enough to make you want to end things. perhaps when she says, "ill be back in a bit" she thinks you understand that it'll be a few hours, or are fine with the way she phrases it (especially since she does it often and you dont tell her that it bothers you). or maybe she doesn't think you mind when she does it. she doesn't know that she's upsetting you -- how can you expect her to just suddenly change if she isn't aware that she needs to? if you want the relationship to grow or get better, you need to communicate clearly, not just run off when you're unable to communicate. when you talked to her, she didn't realize what was up... be a clear communicator and make her realize. tell her that it's a serious problem, and be tolerant of her as long as she's trying. if she doesn't respect your opinion, then ditch her. but please, make her aware of her behavior and give her a chance to change before you dump her. it's only fair.

 

oh, she is aware. Like I said, we did talk about it once. When she says "a little bit" or "an hour" I respond in a joking way "so I'll see you in five hours than" and she is like, "haha, no an hour."

But dependibility is big for me. I have been burned and hurt by family and friends in the past with empty promises so I have a short tolerance. Do what you say. I talked to her friends and they seemed to understand it and agree that she is kinda weird...A great pretty girl, but odd too.

She has admitted that I am amazing and great for putting up with her once or twice. I mean, again, she is overall good, just lacking in dependibilty which is a huge turnoff. But yeah, I wrote her a letter telling her a lot of what i said in this thread. Her room-mate said she would have been meaner, but I am a sweet guy.

 

well then good job making your thoughts and concerns clear to her! if she doesn't listen to your thoughts, then you don't need to keep her around. you did what you could to make things better, it's up to her to work on it.. and if she doesn't, then ditch her. as long as she knows exactly how you feel about it, then hey, you did everything you could. you don't want to be in a relationship with someone so flakey, and if she can't stop flaking out on you, then you're not going to find happiness with her.

also, i wonder, did you tell her that you have had people burn you in the past... specifically family members? if you didn't, maybe that's why she doesnt realize how much it bothers you?

now, if you did tell her about how your family has hurt you, and she still doesn't care, then that's even more reason to go your separate ways.

whatever happens, i wish you the best of luck!

 

This young woman is afflicted w/bipoplar disorder/ADD/ADHD or some combination?

It's difficult to tell from reading the Posts...

 

yeah, she has both bi polar and ADD


And yes lawngirl, I told her in my letter that I have been burned by family. I wasn't specific, but my sister was full of empty promises and always got my hopes up, much like my girl is right now. But thank you...and thank you everyone for all the help/kind words.

 

It would be easier if you were to combine your two Threads.

The major problem is your friend's bipoplar disorder/ADD/ADHD.
Solutions are not as simple as this Thread leads One to believe.
Normal Logic/Reasoning prolly won't work.

You have my empathy.
I hope your situation has a successful resolution.
Godspeed...

 

do you ask her why she doesnt return when she says she does? Like does she forget or something..
If you feel deep down that you dont want to be with her, than dont. Dont be with someone just cause ya kind of do. Thats not fair to either one of you. If you are having these type of feelings than its safe to say that you should break it off, but dont do it meanly or anything like that.

 

I talked to her again and she pretty much admitted 100% fault and felt really bad. I didn't break up with her but I told her I was gonna do some thinking

this is the other topic by the way:
http://hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=66586

And she dropped another bomb on me...Just that is suprised the hell out of me but she was sexually abused from 4-9 so I don't know what I can say to that and I figured breaking up with her for the aforementioned reasons would be cold. I guess thats why she always leaves right after sex cause in one sense she said it was awkward but in another, she saw it as a healing process....I'm so confused in some respects!

But she took the blame and I want to see if she can improve on the dependability stuff cause she said the letter i wrote made her realize some stuff too.

 

I can definately see how it would be a healing process - good, loving, caring sex as opposed to abusive, violent, sexual assault.

But I guess it's really up to you, whether or not to stay with her. I know I wouldn't have the patience to deal with a partner who is bipolar. I can barely deal with myself most days. I would definately be upset if my partner didn't show when they said they would. I would leave after 1/2 hour, but that's just me.... punctuality is very important to me. I'm an impatient gal.

 

well, lots of talking and we got to the point of mutual breakup with friendship still intact. I had only known her for a week before we started dating so we both kinda jumped into this.

 

Dr. Drew, of MTV and of radio-talk fame, would call your gf "a mess," becaise she has so many things messed up about her. When girls are molested or abused, it can really mess them up for the rest of their lives . . . and can lead to inner rage, lack of trust, self-centeredness, rebelliousness, and to the type of behavior that therapists and doctors are quick to "diagnose" as bipolar, ADHD, etc., etc. If you get too involved with this woman and start to feel to sorry for her, it could become a huge waste of your time, heart, and money. Try to get her to go to some counseling . . . and be firm -- don't let her get away with walking all over you. Good luck.

 

She didn't walk all over me.