I am not normally jealous of others. I think jealousy is such an ugly trait. Lately though I have been experiencing it to no end and I don't know how to stop. I have a good friend who is incredibley good looking and has a perfect body and face, is getting her doctorate and sometimes I just have so much envy towards her it makes me sad. I joke about it a lot with her and she says she would trade her body in for mine anyday and that she thinks my life is better than hers. I know she has a lot of problems but sometimes I can't help but be jealous of her when just 4 years ago we were taking social psych together and working sales at nordstroms and now she's getting her phd and making 60k a year as a high class nanny at 27 and I'm unemployed and still struggeling to pass my last class for me BA. I only hope for good things for her and we are always nice to each other. My jealousy in no way affects our friendship. Sometimes I do avoid doing things with her like shopping because she's a size 2 and I can never get below a 6. Also, when she was getting divorced I hating picking up guys together because she is so charismatically beautiful it sometimes made me feel inadequate. A lot of our other friends feel this way about her and they do let it negativley affect their friendship with her. I don't do this in any way. She and I have never been in a fight and have never said anything negative to one another. With all this said she is moving back down here in a couple weeks and wants to get a place together. It's a great situation because we're both broke and dependent on others so we understand each other. We're total personality twins so no doubt we would get along. My concern is that I would spend so much time feeling inadequate because of her looks. Sometimes I do feel like crap after going out with her because I am used to getting all the attention and when I am with her I feel invisible. How do I get over being jealous?
its not nessisarily something you get over. You feel jelous over something your attached to, or want. Its completely normal. I guess a way to reduce the jelous feelings would be to stop worrying so much over whatever it is thats giving you the feelings in the first place.
Thanks I was thinking about what has caused these feelings and it's totally my own short comings. I am not being the best person I can be. I am not eating as healthy as I could, am not managing my finanaces as well as I should, am not doing as well in school as I should. I know I am awesome when I have my shit together so I just need to work really hard and get it together and be thankful that I have a friend who i can be so honest with and tell her how I feel regarding this.
I think that maybe thinking more about why she's your friend, how amazingly well you two get along, how good you are for each other etc. can help. I have loads of friends who are unbelievably beautiful and yeah, I feel rather intimidated/jealous sometimes but then I just step back and remember why they're my friend. It helps that I'm not too terribly competitive though heh
You haven't answered the question about why you're jealous of her? Her looks is an incomplete answer. What do you think her looks bring her that isn't available to you? Why do you feel inadequate? It is perfectly possible to recognize someone's physical beauty, even be jealous of it, without feeling inadequate. There is more to the story...
It is completley about me feeling inadequate. In terms of school and looks. I know I am good looking and smart and I just landed a killer job but she seems effortlessly beautiful and pulled together. I think I am jealous of her because I am used to being the center of attention with other people and when I am with her she always is. I am putting everything aside though, am getting over myself and am going to tell her tonight that if she hasn't found a new roomie yet I would love to get a place together. I figure maybe her no snacking and over exercising self might be a good influence on my lazy ass
heres the thing i'm gonna say about the looks situation...good looking people always hang together..if you feel she's beautiful..than obviously you're gorgeous as well, because otherwise she wouldn't hang out with you you are gorgeous and you are successful..and if you feel like she gets all the attention and thats something that bothers you, make those situations so that you are both the center of attention, you can do that through body language and confidance
That's progress. But is being the center of attention a need for you? Why? Is it possible to feel comfortable not being the center of attention?
You are the cat's meow, Gorgeous. Thank you. That was so sweet. I get so shy around her when we are both with guys. I immediatley kinda recess myself too the point where guys have assummed I am not interested or that they are bothering me...they have flat out asked 'am I annoying you'. And then I feel worse because I feel like I acted like a bitch. I need to get over it. I feel a lot better now that I have my new job. I don't think I gave being laid off enough credit in terms of what a blow to my ego it was. I think I needed that to happen though, to teach me how I want to live my life and that I do need time off because I do need some time to be a lush and have fun. I think having the summers and christmas break off from work will be really good for rrejuvinating my spirit and making me thankful for both my job and time for me. I went back to being blonde this afternoon and did some retail therapy. I feel tons better. I think this is going to be an amazing year and I need to change my lucky number from 25 to 7 so then I can have another great year when I turn 27.
It's not a need for me at all. It's not even a preference. It's just uncomftrable when I am not the center of attention because I was an only child, had a lot of SO's who were very forthcoming with attention. I had a lot really young and sometimes you confuse people admiring your lifestyle with them admiring you. And when you lose it or give it up it's hard to adapt. it's hard to be normal again. You would think after 4 years I would have learned how to be. But I am still having some trouble growing into my new place int he world.
Being the centre of attention makes you feel special too, unique, worth noticing, worth paying more attention to than others. Only child syndrome can be a bitch eh Y'know, you keep saying that she does everything flawlessly. She probably has to put in at least twice the effort you do, just to make it look seamless and easy. It's probably just as hard for her as it is for you, or at least fairly close, she just works that much harder to make it seem automatic and easy. I'm sure there are things about you that she's jealous of at least a little too
She wants my boobs, my mom and my new job. She just myspaced me that when I told her I wanted her legs (I got a sweater dress yesterday and I think the mirrors in the dressing room were magic because it's not looking so good in my bedroom mirror). Only child syndrome does suck. Everything has to be my way or i get pissed and bitchy. I have to be in control of the radio in the car, I have to pick the club or resturaunt, I have to pick where we sit. Honestley I would not want to be friends with me. My friends and family joke about what a control freak I am but soemtimes I wonder if it secretley bothers them.
