I've been thinking about my abortion a lot lately. I'm not sure whether that's a bad thing... One thing that keeps repeating in my mind, is the way I felt when I found out I was pregnant...especially after having an ultrasound. Many women are so excited to know that a form of life is "growing inside of them"... when I had that feeling, of something growing inside of me, it felt eerie and disgusting to me... it bothered me a lot, because my body was no longer my own. Is this crazy? Have any of you who have been pregnant, ever felt this way? I can't get over it because when I think about it, I feel like such a terrible person for feeling so miserable over a life that way... It's hard for me to even admit, without feeling like I'm a bad person.
i had mixed emotions, but i'm sure a lot of women have felt the same way you did. especially the younger ones. i mean, it's a huge thing, and really your body isn't just yours, you're sharing it now. probably one day you'll want to have a baby, but your biological clock, so to speak, is telling you you aren't ready right now. i don't think you're a bad person for feeling that way. actually i don't think anybody can be bad for feeling a certain way because you can't really change what you feel, it's an automatic process.
I imagine that I would feel the same way as you, I dont think your a bad person I think that you did what you needed to do in your situation, the same thing that I would do if the same situation happened to me.
I sort of felt that way in the beginning. Sort of like I had been invaded. All of a sudden, I was sick, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't do anything I wanted to (drink, party, etc), and I just felt so...bah.... But once the preggo hormones really hit home, and then especially after I felt her lump and movements, it was soooooo amazing. I didn't feel invaded anymore. I felt blessed.
A&O you didn't want to be pregnant and you weren't ready to become pregnant. Of course you were going to feel terrible about it. That is normal. Think about how wonderful sex is, and how awful it is (or would be) if you were raped. Same thing, sex, but wanting it being the thing. Even though I wanted my pregnancies, I remember having flashes of "OMG. Something is IN me." When I was pregnant. The fact that it was NOT ME, and beyond my control, especially when movement started, occasionally freaked me out. Even with Sage, and I had been pregnant five times before her. But, as my pregnancies were wanted, those feelings were rare and eventually went away. IF you do eventually want children I would think you will feel different when you are ready to be a mother. Don't be down on yourself. You made a choice you had to make.
Honey, you're NOT a bad person. You did what you had to do. You did what was best for you and your baby, considering what you were going through. You didn't want a baby at that time, you were bound to feel a little weirded out. I felt that way at first, mainly because I didn't want to have to tell anyone. But, after a few days of 'me time', I felt a lot better. I knew that I wanted to keep her. And, after I felt her first flutter, my life was great. Don't beat yourself up over the way you feel. Talking about it is probably what's going to help you the most. Find someone you trust with your feelings and let them out.
A&O what you feel is totally natural. You sorta greive it... because you dont really know how you felt about it. Plus you have all these people telling you the way you should feel and what it 'means' to abort a baby... dnt let other peoples opinions about the issue make you feel bad, you deserve to be happy
**hugs** I reckon it's normal to feel that way. I think I would be just like you if i were to go through an abortion. Just be strong. remember it's your body, your choice! Speak to someone close to you. Let these feelings come out.
Thanks so much everyone. You've all been really great everytime I talk about this. I do talk to people that are close to me, the problem is, either the people I am close to have never been pregnant or they are male, so its difficult to feel like they truly understand what Im saying.
I've never been pregnant, so I can't say I've ever felt what you're feeling. But I want to add to the chorus that you're not a bad person. I think Maggie's analogy, the difference between sex when it's wanted vs. unwanted as compared to pregnancy when it's wanted vs. unwanted is quite fitting. You didn't just have an inconvenient accident. You were dealing with health issues related to an ED (which I hope you're doing better with), and this unwanted pregnancy was going to put even greater strain on your already strained body. Your reaction makes more sense to me than the reaction we're told we're supposed to have toward a fetus.
I'm almost 5 months pregnant, and I have to admit that those first few months especially there were plenty of times when I was totally freaked out about having something growing inside me. It felt so alien and unnatural (when it is really just the opposite). I'm just now getting used to the whole idea. I can totally sympathize with how you are feeling, and then the feeling of "oh, I'm a terrible person, freaked out by something that's suposed to be natural for women, that many women are excited about!" But I think that these feeling are also natural, and I still sometimes feel like i've been taken over by the body snatchers especially now that I am starting to show and feel the baby move. I also had an abortion 5 years ago and had an ultrasound at that point as well, it was only at 5 weeks so there wasn't much to see, but there was something there and I had the same feelings magnified because it was a baby and a pregnancy I wasn't ready for and incapable of taking care of at the time. I felt a major urgency for me to not be pregnant. Afterwards I felt a major sense of relief, but there were also a lot more feelings there that it took time to address and sort through. I had the eerie unnatural feeling with both pregnancies, and with both being freaked out by being pregnant, but this current pregnancy i lacked the urgency to escape it and felt much more ready.
I am not second doubting my decision or anything, rather, I feel guilty for the way I felt about being pregnant in the first place. That's all. But, you guys have helped me feel better about that, and I thank you.
when i got pregnant with my daughters, it was PURE JOY. however, when i was pregnant as a teenager, i was HORRIFIED. i miscarried naturally, and sometimes i feel guilty about how thrilled i was for that. i think it's a sign of being a good person, feeling a little bad about it.
I don't think you are a bad person at all, and like pretty much everyone else here has said, those feelings are natural and part of the process. I have never been pregnant, but I have had some scares. The first one that I had was when I had been going out with my bf for less than 2 months and the condom broke and there was chnace that I was pregnant. I had never been so scared and freaked out in all my life. Neither of us were ready for a kid and I was so freaked out and I couldn't handle the idea of something being in me and sharing my body that way. The waiting to find out if I had fallen pregnant was the worst. When I found out that I wasn't I was so happy and relieved and at the same time I felt guilty for feeling that way. It is all natural and we also can't help how we feel about things. Sometimes the timing or the situation jsut isn't right and then we do what we need to do. You did the thing that was best for you and you must not worry about what other people say and above all, you must not think that you are a bad person. When the time is right, and you want to have kids, then I am sure that while those feelings might still crop up once in a while they will be far less. Don't you worry too much. Things will come right. For now just be good to yourself and remind yoruself that you are a good person and that these feeling are natural. You will be just fine and we are always here if you need to talk.
