Just not over it

So,

I read this blog, 'A Date In The Life'. Its extremely cute and I read it because I can usually totally relate to the author. I just read her last entry, and started bawling my eyes out. It was about how she got into a terrifying/violent situation with a guy she was on a date with and how scared she was. I realized I am not at ALL over the abuse I went through in one of my relationships. And how it is affecting me slightly more now emotionally, then at the time. Im all teary and upset.

 

That sucks, i wish there was something i could say that would make you feel better. Just know not to blame yourself most people that are abusive do it because they have a low self opinion and want to try to bring the abusee down to thier percieved level.

 

Do you have someone to talk about it?

So sorry, 'tite pomme. You deserve so much more.

 

Not really. My parents definitely dont know the extent of it. I dont even like to discuss it, really. Its just Traumatic. And I never thought I was THAT affected by it. But I was young, 17, 18.

 

Honey, you DEFINITELY need to talk about it.

If you're uncomfortable with your parents, then a professional. Or at least a friend.

At least right it out on paper.

Be good to yourself. It's not your fault.

 

Sometimes when you don't think about things at the time... it's a defense mechanism. But if you never end up dealing with it, it can keep coming back to you.

You're an amazing girl, and you never deserved any of it. But it happened. Maybe something good will come out of it in time. Like maybe at the time you were naive to trust someone like that. So maybe it'll help you to become a better judge of character.

I know that probably isn't much consolation now. All the best Cate.

 

Actually, its true. I can give really good advice to fellow women, and I understand certain character quirks and what to be weary of. Its very very good. I accept it. Its just something still rutted deep inside.

 

*nods* It's probably going to be Caitlin. But Praxis is right. You need to find someone you feel comfortable talking with at some point, and talk about it. Talk about it, accept it, realize that some good may have come out of it, and start to move on.

You'll make it through. I promise. You're a strong girl.

You ever need anyone, I'm here for you.

 

And now he is probably going to read this thread and try to contact me. blaghness

 

That's why god invented hanging up on a bitch.

 

I think I know who he is. He posted something about you here a while back.

Don't mind him. He really can't do anything to you if you don't let 'em.

 

lol. youre my best.

 

so he is a stalker too?

nice

I remember getting jumped and nearly killed when i was 14, and it tok quite a while to not be looking over my shoulder, or afraid of alleys etc, but eventually it did pass.

Someone said something to me about how some people make their whole lives a shrine to one traumatic or sad event in their life and never move on

face the problem and let it fade away

and never let that person back into your life

 

Seamonsters my oracle. I recommend listening to that guy.

 

on the plus side, it sounds liek its made you smarter about avoiding similar guys... you didnt fall into the trap of abusive relatioship after abusive relationship...

i second the 'getting it out' motion, whatever medium y ou need or person you requrie to talk to

 

I found it entirely therapeutic to write this out, I needed to, despite whatever consequence.

I let the same person back too many times, but that chapter is so so shut. Never again.

 

im pretty new here so I don't know you at all but everything you said I can totally relate too. I was in a really abusive relationship when I was 16-17-18 and the guy ended up moving away on a scholarship (thank god), otherwise i might not have gotten away from him. Anyway, when it was over I just tred to move on, I never sorted out my feelings about it. i never told anyone about the extent of it. no one even knew how bad it was. Now, 5 years later I still get upset when I read/see/hear something that reminds me of those days. Ive realized I have a lot of pent up emotions to deal with over it, but I don't know where to begin. Seems like its been enough time I should just be over it, but I guess that's not how it works.

 

We should definitely talk. I could use it.

 

Damn, that makes me nervous. Ya'll saying that not talking about a traumatic experience always bubbles up. I hope you find someone to talk to Cate, I keep my monsters at bay with weed, and although not the best recourse, its all I can do. I dont wanna talk to some stranger about my past, and I just keep thinking if I put it out of my mind, it will eventually go away. we shall see.. Im hugging you right Now, I hope you feel it.

 

I love you Hilder, honestly.