Lets all together tell a story

Sally turns around and passes the pipe to

 

She looks over her shoulder... and sees that the hand belongs to L. Ron Hubbard!

 

Then otta no where comes a pirate with a giant boner.

 

Holy shit, L Ron Hubbard, I don't know were I am going to go with that, but here goes.


He says hi, and asks if Sally has read any of his books. Sally pulls "Dianetics" out of her hemp shoulder bag. L Ron smiles and asks if she would like him to sign it. She says no but I would like if you pound my ass with your big cock while I read some of my favorite passages out loud. L Ron says,"Sorry, but my life partner would not approve."
Anyway, they both get really high. The weed is really fine Italian Sugar Melt, and they are flying. Sally says,"I can see smoke and an ivory tower. There are people setting balloons sailing from the windows. I try to strike at it in my mind with a stick. The smoke becomes cotton candy and sticks to the end of my stick. I jump into the pink cotton, and I am in total bliss." "yeah, I can totally dig your trip babe", says L Ron Ron. He says,"I wish I had no bones, and I could role down a hill while bits of me stick to the rocks and twigs along the way. I would be stretched out all over the hill like melting pizza." "Far out," says Sally, and takes another hit.
A group of young people with long hair and colorful clothing appear down the road. There are about 5 of them, two girls and three boys. They are just minding their business when a van comes by and 6 guys come out with bats and chains and beat the shit out of the young kids. The van screeches away down the road, but Sally catches the liscence plate number.
7 years later.............

Sally and L Ron are married and have 3 kids. They have two cars in the garage, a dog, cat, and a big yard. House keepers tend to the lawn and do errands. They are sitting in the kitchen when Sally says,"Remember when we met 7 years ago. I will never forget that day."

 

Actually it isn't 7 years later........what happened is this. Sally and ole Ron went out to get the license plate # and the kids hit Sally over the head with a bat. They screamed at her for letting balloons out the window but it was just a tripping projection the sensitive kids couldn't distinguish from reality. So they actually saw in a mental image SAlly letting balloons out the window when she was high on Italian Sugar Melt. The kids were environmenatalists and screamed that the balloonw would choke and kill sea birds. So she got clobbered by a bat. She had a hallucination like Dorothy in the wizard of oz that she was married to Ron. But it was a happy ending when she burned the copy of Dianetics in the hallucination and she returned to the pirate ship which was flagrantly flaunting flippant floozies flailing on the floor reeking of opium. Why? Wenches abound on shore, this must be a dockside orgy thought Sally. I boarded the wrong boat said Sally aloud. A pirate spouted, "This ain't no boat, this is a ship". And then...............................

 

time stopped.

 

Time stopped and Sally was the only one moving. All pirates and various rogues slumped over in what be a sleep. The various sundry figures on the docks did too, everybody just sat down suddenly and easily and started snoozing. Sally said aloud, " You people must have had real poor childhoods. You have no fun with your imagination telling stories. Out of the 1000's around me, it is like the middle of night, you sleep the deep sleep of time stopped. If you only tried a little harder to be a child and play make believe when you were younger, you wouldn't all be creatively deficient morons with no imagination to tell a story. Now it is to late. I am left here alone in the middle of a hot sunny Jamaican day on this pirate wharf and even the bilge rats are sleeping. it's not like it is 4:22 am in the morning you boneheads, wake up and be creative.

 

So Sally is on the ship with the pirates. She is led to the captain of the pirates. He is 7' 5" (mostly due to his wooden leg that is about a foot too long). He walks up to Sally. Well it's more of a kind of bobbing or woobling with his body rising in the air dramatically with each step on the wooden leg. He beckons her to sit. On the table is a glass. The pirate captain swivels and captures the cup with a hook on his right arm. He swings it over at Sally and says,"drink".
"What is it?", Sally asks.
"Mostly rum, but ye never knows now as the bilge has backed up from heavy seas; and the spirits being below deck as it is, Arrrgh."
"Know ye of Davey Jones young lass?"
"What, of the Monkies?", says Sally.
"Arrrgh, I know not of any monkey business. "No, I talk to ye of the captain, Davey Jones, and his locker beneath the sea."
"Oh my, I do need a drink of that rum about now." says Sally to herself.
"Excuse me mister pirate, but I..."
"Call me Ratdog"
"Oh, sorry. Mr. Ratdog; why is you wooden leg a foot larger than your other leg?"
"What are ye speaking of wooden legs. I have no wooden leg young lass".
"But your leg... your,, ummm...you walk so how shall I say...?"
"Ahh, that. I was born with only one testicle now here ye, and I have over compensated for that by shifting me weight to the other leg. My one testicle has elephantitus ye see, and it weighs me down. Now years of this has caused one leg to grow longer than the other...arrgh, tis quite unholy a site."
"Anyway, you are on this voyage with us now, and you will work hard, scrub the decks, mind yer business and service the crew."
"Service the crew? Um, like excuse me Ratty, but what does that entail?"
"Well ye have to help them tie their shoes young lass. See none of these mates has ever been to school, so you see they lack an education."'
"Oh, thank God. I thought I was going to do something naughty and unmentionable to earn my keep. Phewwey.
"No lassy, you are mine and mine alone. No one shall have you in private but me. Now get to work and be in my quarters by 21:00; properly attired."
"Oh Geeze, at least we have Rum to get me in the mood."

 

Having said that, Sally took the bottle of rum and smashed it over Rat Beards knotty red head. (He was standing on his short leg at the time)

She tossed him overboard and took control of the helm, turning the course of the ship for........

 

the moon..........it magically lifted out of the water and started to float in the sky.........and then.............

 

As the ship lifted, ever so higher, Sally soon began to notice a shrieking noise coming from above them. She looked up and in horror realized that the ship was being surrounded by-

 

Each other all over and then leaned over to face each other and..........

 

surrounded by giant monsters that breathed fire and could turn anything to stone with just a glance.....and then boom....the monsters turned the boat and everything in it to stone and it sunk to the bottome of the sea....

luckily sally had put on her anti giant stone gazing firewreathing bloomers that mourning so she escaped the stone shit with her scooba gear ant contiunued to explore the depths of the sea when she spotted a......

 

a healing crystal in the center of a dome over Atlantis. She proceded to..........

 

....run out of oxygen. She tried taking the crystal but an alarm sounded. She found herself surrounded by mermen, armed with Tridents. The merman equipped Sally with a special breathing aparatus that allowed her to breath water, so she wouldnt die. They then brought her before the king of the mer people for judgement. He ruled that she.......

 

Explode…

 

Sally explodes into a million pieces, but there is something left untold.

 

Sally pieces start floating in whiffs of salty ocean breezes everywhere. People who breath her in are instantly transformed into happy peaceful people instead of the cranky angry ones they were. The mellow smell of the ocean to this day transforms many a troubled soul and mind into a restful peaceful one. To wit and the moral of the story, "Sally forth to the ocean".

The end.

 

let in roll accross the floor thru the hall and out the door.you must at that time let in roll

 

no waith she did take the cyrstal.and she was happy.for there it was out of no where.a crytall shipp.the wind began to howl.