long distance relationships

Im in one at the moment and I'd like to know your opinions on them. I think if the love is strong enough, then nothing can break it. Not even a couple states in between you and your love. But what do you think?

 

I don't think it has anything to do with how strong the love is. I think it has to do with how much either of you is willing to work to make it through. It depends on how understanding you are and how patient you are and how secure with yourself you are. How willing you are to sacrifice sometimes. I'm not exactly sure how to measure how strong love is though.

I had a long distance relationship that didn't work out between Jer and I simply because we were about 125 miles away and it was quite stressful for both of us. There were other things going on, but eventually we broke it off. 3 months later he came and found me and moved halfway closer to me. Now, we live together. So, it all depends.

 

I think the Atlantic is a small matter. But cutelildeadbear is right, really it depends on how dedicated you are, and how willing to make it work.

 

Yeah. I think you are right. We are both extremely dedicated to making it work. And its only really a temporary situation until we both save up enough money so that I can move back and move in with him when he gets his own place (after we save up money to buy it and stuff) It might take awhile, but we are both willing to wait and I think that it will work out in the end...

 

I agree.. it's hard work, but definitely worth it

 

depends how deep your bond is and if your personalities compliment one another.

 

Haha, 125 miles... what I'd give for my love to be that close; we're over 2000 miles away from each other.

Personally I'm not really sure what dedication has to do with it. My relationship works like any other, we just don't get to see each other. We've learned to compensate for the lack of physical presence with other things.

 

yeah there's a whole bloody ocean between me and my love

 

I think long distance relationships can often be better, because they demand commitment, caring, understanding, patience...A long distance relationship also shows you have other things holding you together other than sex and physical contact, which is a rare thing. Long distance relationships focus on communication-emails, phone calls, letters...and as for me a good relationship is about a mental connection with someone else, I believe this is a great way to get truly close to eachother.

Some of my best relationships are and have been with people a good few hundred, if not thousand miles away. With the right people, it can definitely work

Love-Maxi.Xx

 

who is he

am I bigger than him?

 

ah damn, i was hoping you wouldn't read that...

is he bigger? well.. in what way do you mean that?

 

I'm gonna have to jump on the bandwagon and say damn, I wish it was only a mere 125 for us. But alas, it's more like about... 4529 miles between us.

 

Hmmm... can I ask how you all ended up in such a circumstance? How did you end up so far away from each other and is there a chance that you will be moving closer in the near future?

 

I'll answer that question... and I'll send Greg in here later tonight to answer his side as well.

Greg (gregonzo) and I met on these forums. At first I just responded to him in a PM about a message he'd posted. From that time on we exchanged PMs for months, then graduated to talking on the phone like big kids. haha. Anyway, it's been semi-difficult to have the distance between us. I think we both appreciate the fact that there are things we need to do now, so that we can be happy and successful in the future.

He is moving to Calfornia... some day. Haha. He can better answer that part of the question.

 

One of the great things about meeting online first is that you get alot of "akward" conversations out of the way. It also primes a bit of mystery and anticipation towards your partner.....other than that it's much like any other relationship, w/ out the physical part.

Love should grow within the heart and mind, not the nawdy bits.

and when ID and I meet this Winter Term...we may indulge on the latter..(wink)

 

Hmmm, interesting. I agree about chatting it up online, I think it is much better to become friends with someone before dating them. However, the chances are slim that the relationship will survive long term if there is not much possibility of you guys ever meeting. I'm not saying it is doomed by any means (my boyfriend and I met online ) however in general it has been proven to not work out so well for people who have their entire relationship based on the internet. I do wish you guys good luck though, and I hope you do get together and it is even better than you imagined. Take care.

 

I've found that long distance relationships can last and work quite well, but i found a few problems.. firstly that there's nothing on personal contact- people's gestures, body language etc, (and yes sexual stuff as well), so once you do meet, you might find you don't like each other as much at all. The other main problem was not necessarily trust but the strain of leading completely separate day to day lives. I found it a lot harder to go out on saturday nights etc cause I would see other couples and miss my partner, I felt like I couldn't enjoy myself properly cause my mind was in other places, it's a bit isolating.

Also, I generally found a lot of our conversations ended up one of us whining about how much we missed/loved the other, so we focussed more on that side of it (just wanting to be with the other person) and ended up idealising each other and not actually talking about stuff going on in our lives, our thoughts, etc.. so we ended up not knowing as much about each other.. then when we did see each other, he seemed like a different person, I realised I didn't actually know much about him at all (and didn't know whether I liked what I saw!!), but that might not be a problem for you.

All of those problems can be overcome though. I find it kinda funny that with some long distance couples, they can be dating for months (and only seeing each other a few times), with no problems, but the more often they physically see each other the more often their relationship seems to go downhill, until they see each other for a long enough period of time for them to stop idealising each other and the relationship and just breaking up!! You could be dating for a year online but if you actually saw each other it could only last a weekend.

I'm not sure if I would do it again. I can't really control my heart so I guess I will if I have to but its not a situation I enjoy. My 2c anyway.

 

Well, that idealizing is the problem. When you are communicating long distance for such a long period of time, your partner does not learn all facets of you. And once they get to know you they realize, oh this person is really not exactly how I made it up in my head. That has happened with me and Jer, however, after living together for 2 years now, we have managed to work through all of the bumps in the road. But it was a rough patch for a while because I wanted him to be the online Jeremy that I fell in love with when we weren't hanging out in person.

 

There is only now, right now my heart is content. Im surrounded by other girls on campus all day. All though they may be beautiful, to me they are not part of my reality.(if that makes sense)

until i feel otherwise i will wait for my love online

cheers

 

I think there is always a certain degree of idealizing whether the relationship begins online or in the standard fashion. One advantage of the internet/phone is that people tend to be less inhibited and more willing to share information that may not exactly be flattering.

I'd say that Greg and I have pretty much covered the bases as far as our attributes and faults. We are generally realistic about the differences in our daily lives and the distance between us. We also have laid everything out on the table, as far as... "this is who I am, this is who I was, this is who I want to be" type of thing.

I refuse to let miles impede my feelings for someone. If things don't work out in the end, at least I had pleasure, satisfaction and love while it lasted.