Losing my mind, sort of

Ok, I dont really know how to put this in proper words, but the best I can explain it is, I was watching TV with my friends on Friday night, just hanging out nothing unusual. But at some point I started day dreaming and my mind drfited off slowly, only I didnt want it to and I was fully aware of the fact that it was happening. Anyway, I started feeling very uncomfortable with the thoughts I was having, it felt like something imaginary was pulling my thought and concious out from me, and my mind just kept slipping farther and farther out of control. I eventually got up, I stood up really fast and went outside for a cig and it went away, I was in control again. Sure, these sorts of experiences happen to me a lot, only this time it was VERY scary and very real, and I almost completely lost control of my thought process and I nearly did drift out of sight from reality and into a beautiful but also horrifying oblivion. Hmmm..........wtf is what Im left wondering?

 

So,,,anyone want to take a crack at giving me some advice on this weirdness? lol :tongue: Come on, dont be shy! It wasn't easy for me to open up about this!

 

Hmmm, were you on something at the time?

 

NO! haha I was completley sober, thats why I brought it up It was very confusing to me, very scary! I dont want it to keep happening but I dont want meds and I dont want therapy, I just want to know is this my schitzophrenia acting up? Or something else?

 

Im really just concerned because although my son was sleeping at the time, I was the only person who was sober, and therefore the only person who would be supervising him. Im afraid that if this keeps happening and grows in it's intensity, that when he is in my care I may completley loose control over my actions and, well you can see why this is not good!

 

Hmmm, I don't know! It kind of sounds like an anxiety attack, and sometimes those can hit out of nowhere. I don't know a whole lot about schizophrenia and whether your symptoms could be tied into that.

Is there any possibility that you could have experienced a seizure?

I don't know, just taking a few stabs at it from the symptoms you're describing. Has this happened often?

 

If I were you, I'd set up an appointment and talk to your primary care giver about it, keep track of when it's happening, write dates and times down, how you felt, show him/her that information that you've found when these episodes are happening.

 

Yea, I should at least tell the people around me. I am kind of embarassed about it so I havent told anyone.
Also, it doesnt happen too often but it has happened a lot of times, since I was a small kid, and it gets worse all the time. I dont know it doesnt feel like anxiety, because I have these horrible hallucinations of time and space, like, slipping away from me really slow, like those nightmares you have when you cant run away from something, or keep sliding down a hill that looks relativley easy to walk up! :&

 

First off, have you ever taken Lsd, Shrooms, Salvia, pretty much any hallucinogenics? Have you been smoking alot of marijuana over the past few months or years? You smoke ciggerettes apparently, so maybe you needed some nicotine?

Heres my diagnosis so far: You my friend at this stage of your life are feeling the effects of being mentally and physically "burnt out", you suddenly are tired but not tired in the traditional sense but tired in the emotional, mental sense. Now when you become "burnt out" you may start to feel depressed, anxious, nervous, fatigued, etc. Your thinking patterns are starting to become irrational, irregular, which only heightens the depression and anxiety. Many people go through this so-called "burnt out" phase in their lives, some earlier then others but you must never let it get the best of you.

 

Yea, I havent dosed in over 2 years, but I've tripped well over 100 times. And yea I am VERY tired, I am currently out on bail facing possible homicide charges (LONG story), being a single dad, still recovering from the breakup with his mom and juggling between 2 other girls, yea and some other stuff, I am always beat I dont know I guess I may not be describing this properly, I experience very strange visions, they arent too confusing at first because I sort of float into them, and they arent psychedelic really, more abstract, a little bizarre but nothing I am terribly worried about after tripping so much. But its the complete loss of reality, my perception doesnt exist when this happens, at least not MY perception, and I always sort of black out like when you drink too much, then snap out of it and find myself in other places then where I was when it starts, without any recollection of how I got there :&

 

That doesn't sound like schizophrenia, it sounds like a seizure like hcm said. See a doctor. That's the most reliable way to go about it.

 

Well whatever it is is getting worse, I keep having more episodes like this, and now I am getting unusally angry and letting out a lot of stress on people. Also I am out on bail, and now I am being taken to court for not paying rent at my last place (Long story) and my ex called me last night saying she doesnt want me to see my son as often because I am so broke, and now she wants to take me to court to pay child support (even though she lives FOR FREE with some guy and his parents) I have a stack of unpaid tickets and since I am being taken to court, I can pretty much rely on my bail being revoked and spending the rest of my free days in prison only to wait for my actual prison sentence (hopefully I wont be sentenced though!)
So, heres to hoping I dont completely go off the deep end and this shit blows over I hope this mental problems start to roll off as my situation improves, but my life has been taking a turn for the worse and going down hill for the past 3 years, so I doubt its going to be getting any better any time soon. Thanks for the advice everybody, I am just trying to remain calm and ignore my anxiety.

 

do you smoke dope at the moment?

 

On a rare occaision, I smoked twice in about a month. I cut down a lot, I drink more and more as time goes by, up to about 12 beers a day now, its seems to be the only things keeping me going. After the baby goes to sleep is when I start drinking and try to clean up, get ready for work, then I drink myself to sleep becaus latley I have been experiencing pretty bad insomnia as well.

 

I'm telling you, your mind is fried and your starting to feel the effects, a burnt-out feeling, mentally and physically.

 

So then I have been a burn out since I was born? Because if you have read all the posts here you would have seen that I said that this has been going on my whole life, but that it is getting much worse now. Thanks anyway though

 

Have you been to see a doctor? Can you see a doctor? I mean, being cashless and all. Can the courts help you in this regard? Would they even care?

 

I dont know man, I definitley cant afford a doctor, and the court will probably laugh at me! Im just sort of floating along here, trying to keep focused on bettering myself, I want so badly to go to community college of Philadelphia, I am trying to get started!

 

Probably your next best thing would be to seek out medical/psychiatric forums and ask questions. If only you lived in Canada where you can walk into clinic and get a perscription for free (you'd still have to pay for the drugs though )

 

It sounds like you are trying to control your thoughts and that includes your embarassment over sharing them with others. Bad idea, IMO.


The last thing you should do is try to control your thoughts, rather welcome them and explore them. I know it's scary at times, but the more you do it, the more you realize that weird thoughts are quite natural, and don't necessarily translate into actions.

It also sounds like you got an alcohol problem (so do I), which is an escape from your feelings. Control, escape...

Do you have a buxom friend you can confide in? Cry in front of or whatever the case might be?