Love (not hippy babble)

I was chatting with a friend today about love and it got me thinking. I've been with my hubby for 3 years now and love him to bits, but is love always a good thing?

There is quite a big age gap between the two of us, and my friend thinks i may be missing out on things because of that, not living my life as a 21 year old should.....although i'm not entirely sure what i should be doing.
Admittedly i have given up a lot to be with him and sometimes feel like i have missed opportunitys because i have had to move with him (he's in the military) and basically have to settle for whatever job i can just to keep money coming in. although i have always wanted a career with wildlife/nature and feel i could perhaps have realised that goal by now if i hadn't have met my hubby. i always wanted to take a year out and travel but his commitments at home mean he could never do that with me, and it would just feel wrong to go alone or with someone else and be apart for so long.

Everyone always harps on about love as being the solution to everything, but i'm not so sure. I feel it can be a destructive force for so many. Such as victims of violence who keep going back to an abusive partner because they are so in love. Ultimatley can love, the thing that is meant to be so beautiful, end up being your ultimate downfall??

 

Love is not abuse. And peple who consistently return to abusive relationshipsare confused/need outside help/are addicted.

As for your relationship, as long as you are happy what does it matter.

 

but if my hubby ever hit me, (he never would but hypathetically) it wouldn't stop me loving him. i can guarantee it. and i would probably give me a second chance too. what would i be addicted to for that to happen?

i was really just using my relationship as an example. i'm happy enough, but do question myself sometimes as to whether love is worth the sacrifices. the answers always 'yes' but a lot of my friends and family were really disapointed when i chose my fella and gave up everything else. and would my answer be the same for everyone who is in love, or do some people despite being trully in love with someone, see that it's maybe not a healthy thing for them?

 

You would be so used to that situation, to being in love with that person, I view it almost as an addict scenario when abuse is involved.

 

First of all I never see why you have to give up 'everything else' for love if you don't want to. But even then it's not the love that is your ultimate downfall, cause if there's a serious itch like a wish for a certain career for example you should be able to combine that somehow.

 

Love is a complex thing. I think lots of people get confused about what is love and what is desire and codependency.

Age is not a big issue as long as it is not extreme. If it is extreme make sure he is rich.

People who allow themselves to be abused to not believe in themselves.

Sad but true.

 

that's probably true, i can see it being a very thin line. but what i'm gettin at is, can love be a negative thing as well as a positive one?

 

love is a much deeper force than all of that crap

 

Love is usually much more destructive than constructive.

That ain't necessarily a bad thing though.

 

yea that may well be, but i'm not interested in everything that love is at this moment in time, nor did i claim i was. I'm asking in this thread if it can be a negative thing, as it always highlighted as a positive one.

if my threads so full of crap GTFO.

thanks BSR, i probably would agree with you, although i'm unsure about the whole issue. why is it not necessarily a bad thing that it is destructive?

 

It fuels passion, and kinda gives some people something to live for... in encourages creativity and selflessness. A lot of people do not know how to live when they are not in love. I am not one of them, but a lot of people are like that.

Plus, people like to suffer.

 

Isn't love already a negative thing when you're very much in love with someone who doesn't return the feeling? So yes, it can be negative for sure!

 

thats true. i've seen people who lose a love one almost stop existing themselves without that person. i guess that links in with co-dependecy UA talked about earlier.

I have only ever been in love once and before then i never wanted to be in love. sometimes i think it would have been easier to still be as i was. oblivious to the feeling entirely, for then it couldn't be missed.

why do you think people like to suffer?

 

yeah definatley, thankfully i've never had that happen but can't imagine what it must be like. but when you are both in love, how about then asmodean, can that still be negative?

 

Yes, co-dependency is a big part of it. I myself would strangle myself than be so dependent on another person.

I've been in love once, as a teenager. I do not think that I truly miss the feeling though... I'm not very comfortable with such strong emotions and feel much more at peace without them.

People like to suffer because otherwise they cannot find happiness in life.

 

I'm not sure that it's the love that's causing the negativity then. Of course people sometimes don't make the smartest decisions when they're in love but is that because love made them blind? Or weren't they the most rational people anyway?

 

People aren't very rational beings on average.

Love makes them plain stupid though, in most cases.

Not just romantic love either, there are many types of love that encourage fanaticism in people... and fanaticism is always destructive.

 

hmm, i'm not sure if i would miss the feeling of being in love either. i would miss my fella, but not sure about the feeling....i'm like you, in that strong emotions don't work well with me. i tend to get to overwhelmed by them and would prefer a simpler life which i think may come without such strong emotional ties and bonds. i try to distance myself sometimes, to know that i can still cope on my own, which i know i can, not because i plan to break up but just to prove to myself i'm not becoming co-dependant as that is something i would never want to be.

and thats a great way to some up why we like to suffer. without it, i suppose happiness would not exist at all. everything would just be a neutral.

i think love can blind people. it can make you see people in a very biased light.
i like to think i am a rational person, on most occasions. maybe love can make you irrational.

 

Yeah, that makes sense. It's good that you're not co-dependent either. I'm not one for relationships myself. I will probably be single until I find a person who can truly give me my space... and that's a whole lotta space... not a lot of women like that out there, dunno if I've ever even met one.

I don't think I've suffered enough lately. I dunno if I want to though.

 

Yes, I'm sure that love can be blinding as well. But if it's returned and the persons are both rational and care for eachothers happiness it should not mean someone's sucked in something, leaving no other options. You can give things up of course, because of it. Not necessarily a problem with that