marriage advice needed

Well I just found out my girlfriend is 7 weeks pregnant. (found out actually a week ago) Now her family is setting up a wedding Asap, on the 22 on this month I could be married. Katie's family told me if I wanted to be accepted in the family I would need to marry her. Everything is so confusing at the moment. I can't even think of marriage because i'm thinking about the baby.
"so confused". The wedding is being forced on me, I don't want to skip out on the wedding but , I'm not ready to get married in a week. I need to to think and I can't even get that. Should I marry her just because shes going to have my baby or what.

 

Yes. Be a man and do the right thing.

 

Do you love her?

 

I wouldn't marry a woman just because she's having your baby. You should step in and slow things down before the situation becomes out of hand. You don't really want in-laws that are going to step all over you right from the beginning, and if you don't love her, then the marriage is eventually going to end in a divorce anyway. I'd take the girl to the side and discuss it with her out of the hearing range of her parents.

 

Two questions:
How old are the two of you?

Do you want the kind of inlaws who plan and run your wedding, and then help the two of you by setting up things nicely for the baby (crib, clothes, maybe a job for you,..) and then help you plan your vacations and ....? If this doesn't appeal to you, take control quickly. If you do decide to get married, do not use their preacher. There is nothing wrong with their guy, but letting them make that decision is a bad precident for a life long marriage.

 

Katie is 19 and I'm 22. I know that I should be a man and step up to the plate. Thats the kind of guy I am. Her parents are rushing it , and they keep trying to talk me into joining the army. Me and Katie have been dating for a year and like 3 months.
I want to go into marriage feeling strong about my decision.
Divorce is really hard on kids and I don't want to put my kid through divorce ever.
And I don't even have time to find a best man or anything. I keep telling her to hold off until after the baby is born , but shes afraid shes going to be to fat. I'm trying to be a man , it's hard at times.

 

And I love her, but through out dating we have been completely stoned to the bone.
At times I feel we fail in love under a Green Haze , it's strange. This marriage seems to be
just for her parents approval.

 

And like to thank you all for writing back, I'm tired of looking to myself for advice it's not healthy when your confused. I just want to be a Dad that's it not a husband yet.

 

OK it sounds like you want to marry her, but aren't in any rush to let the state know about it. Which would be fine, but....

1) She is pregnant. Baby is now number one priority, to her by biology and (judging from your posts) to you by choice.

2) The hoopla and party associated with a wedding is wearing, especialy on the bride. (Women's rights and equality an all that good stuff not withstanding, its the bride's (and her parent's) show.)
It's a big party to throw, especialy with a wet baby on her hip.

3) Her parents want it. Happy in-laws are nice.

4) The woman you love is having your child and she wants to tell the world that the two of you are a team for the rest of your lives. You are a lucky guy. The hassles of arranging for a tux, ushers, and flowers is a small price to pay for the reward you are getting. Suck it up dude. In the long run, the wedding isn't the important thing. Grit your teeth, and when the photographers, both amature and proffessional, say "Smile", mean it.

 

Judging by what you've said, I don't think that marrying this girl is going to work out for you, or at least not this way. You're both still young, and being a man is not blindly committing yourself to something just because you find yourself morally responsible. You have to be smart, and think about what's best for you, her, and the baby. A marriage can be hard on a kid even without involving a divorce, and the main reason that marriages fail is because people rush into them.

 

You dont have to get married just because
you are about to become a Dad.....

Take it from me (woman of three marriages)..
it is a serious step...

Take it only if you are absolutely certain....

Its your life honey....not theirs or anyone elses..

Blessings to you both!!

 

Sage : At 22 what are your Career goals ? Are you close to obtaining them ?
I was in your shoes 37 years ago, married the girl, became a father. Busted my ass on lowing paying jobs to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table.
Money, living situations, family interference can kill a new marriage quicker than a gun shot.
Sounds like you'vegot a week to think about it and make up your mind, good luck guy..

 

Convince her to get an abortion. ASAP

 

thank you

 

i'll let you all know what happens

 

If you have a bad relationship it will not matter if you are married or not the kids will be affected....so saying you do not want your kid going through a divorce ...is a cop out.

and just because other people's marriages fail....does not mean yours will. so dont be going on what has happened to others. go withh how you feel about her and how you want your life with her and the child to be like.....You will do the right thing...and everything will work out as it should be.

trust your feelings and just take your time.

 

Don't do it if you don't want to.

Getting married isn't going to solve things like magic.

If you don't really love her there is a good chance that marriage will just make things worse, because you'll probably end up divorced.

If you love her, if you can see a future - okay.

But if this isn't in your game plan - don't be a sucker. You'll have to take care of the child - you'll be a part of her life and her family's life for the next 20 years or more.

People might think you're an asshole, but they're simpletons.

This is not all your fault.

 

Do you expect that you and her will enjoy being married ?
Yes or No ?
Why or Why Not?

 

do not kid your self it is not like it was 20 years ago...

he will have to "take care of the child" no matter what ....they will just hit him with child support ...and if you fail to pay, they will tax your paycheck or even in some places "dead beat dads" can get jail time.

 

No kidding.

And in addition to that, if he has anything to do with the child, he will have the mother and the mother's family involved in his life for the rest of his life.

If you don't want to get married, don't do it.

Getting married probably won't solve the problem.