Before I get into the details of this, I have to state that I believe that we are all reincarnating entities on this earth. Our main purpose is to eveolve those souls with each life. To me, the concept of karmic debt is not that you were bad in a past life and need punishment now, but rather that you were treated too easily in the last life, or didn't learn enough about pain in your former life, and the hardships of this one are meant to balance that so that you can become a more fullfilled spirit. I also believe that we come from soul clusters, a group of souls we know, and these are the souls who are in each of our lives. Within that cluster, we have those who are closest to us, and those are the ones who play major roles in our lives. (Mother, father, lover, child, abuser, etc.) In addition, I think that we predestine what will happen in this life before we get here. The only thing we are allowed to know we glean through these feelings that we've known someone from before, or that feeling of dejavu, or these little "coincidences" that seem too much to be just coincidence. Or there are those spiritual pulls to stick things out, or go a certain way, or do a certain thing. These are our "flags" that we are on the right path. I hope everyone is still with me... lol. Okay, so there is this guy in my life who has been in my life for about a year now. We;ve had an up and down friendship. Our personalities clash at times, and we are both stubborn... haha. We've fallen apart and cam back together several times, always stronger, it seems in our friendship. We have both been through much hardship. We have both treated each other with disrespect at some time or another in the past. We can both be so very tragic. I know he is someone from my soul cluster. I know that he is someone from my immediate group within that cluster. Recently, we cam back to together after a couple of months. Since then, I've found out some things that have made me rethink my feelings of him, but still there are things in the back of my mind- an urging, a voice, telling me to wait, to hang on. I think I've given up on us being together in a relationship, but I still love him so much. The last time I said goodbye and he came after me, something changed. It's like, "okay, this is the next level now." I have no ill will toward him although he has done things to hurt me behind my back. About three weeks ago, I began to feel like if we didn't get together now, it was never going to happen. He began to talk about how he would like to get married by November because he feels like he's running out of time. Right after that, he found out he has something medically wrong that is going to deteriorate him. And I didn't think that was the reason I wanted to be with him. I felt it could be, but it didn't seem to fit. He had to have more tests a week ago. He found out two days ago that he has a tumor on his brain. It could be what's causing the symptoms of the other medical issue. More tests have to be done, but it is certain that he is going to be going through a lot of pain. I knew before he told me what it was. And I've had a lot of those experiences lately (the "flags" I talked about before). I can't tell him or anyone else for fear of being considered morbid, but the words: "six months, six months, six months..." kept repeating in my mind. I since blocked that. Six months is so cliche though, so I am hoping it's just my morbid imagination. The feeling that I need to be there is still tugging at me. I still need to know him in every way that I can, and I need to do it NOW. Of course, he has so many issues, he's not interested in persuing anything, and I am being respectful of that because I want to support him. I feel this is a spiritual trial for me. I feel like this is something I need to see him through, no matter what the outcome. Sometimes I feel that's stupid. But I don't put up with the things he's done from people. And I don't forgive so easily and without question. I want to take care of him. I just don't know how to approach that. I wrote this here, poured my heart out, because I was hoping that some of the very wise souls on here could offer something for me- spiritual or otherwise. Thank you for reading, and bless your heart for doing so!! Blessings, des10e
Please forgive the typos. And I will be glad to provide any additional info needed in a shorter post. I was trying my dangdest to be brief.
Perhaps it is you who has to bring him up from under the dust? Ofcourse, it is going to be very hard, it is a guru-esqe spiritual trial, aswell as a personal one for you.
Sounds like you have a situation that may turn out like a friend of mines. This friend of mine married her friend who had a medical problem that deterioated him and he eventually died. She became stronger because of it because it was meant to be, and after seeing his soul I knew she made him happy. There is a reason for everything. Life is short, death is inevitable but true love lasts forever. If you think about him daily even when he isnt around and if you feel that need/desire to care for him it is very close to true love. Having the spiritual experience and natural ability I have I feel that you do need to get really close to him but before making any relationship deepening descisions listen to your heart and follow your instincts from the truth. The mind will only try to use your inner demond and create doubt and illusion so ignore that. I have faith you will do what is right, and if you need any help, advice or whatever else feel free to PM me and I will get back to you ASAP Peace
What tough stuff! So sorry you have to deal with this. With both my parents I knew in advance that they would be checking out of this plane. In the case of my Dad I was 21, and didn't believe my own precognition. And so, didn't act upon it. And to this day I regret that. We had a dispute between us, and his death has left that unresolved feeling lingering in my heart for ever. What good came out of this was, that I it made me aware that on occasion I do get these precognitions and that I should pay attention to them. And, act upon them without too much delay, as I know the time frame is always 6 months to 2 years. With my Mom, I was 30, and this time I recognized the precognition for what it was. And, saw to it [without letting her know what I did] that everything I ever wanted to say her got said and done in the time alloted. Which turned out to be 9 months. And we parted in peace with no loose ends. From these 2 experiences I learned, that as sad and disturbing as it may be to have such knowledge in advance, there is good reason for it. You are given fair warning to make sure nothing is left unsaid and undone before their departure. So the leaving is clean, and you aren't left with regrets about unfinished business, unsaid words, and undone deeds. I suggest you "consider" honestly, and openly, communicating the feelings and thoughts you have for your friend to him, without divulging your foreknowledge of his situation. And, proceed with the situation based on his response. I think you might find it regretful to have some one you care about leave your life without looking them in the eyes and letting them know. And, this could possibly be meaningful, comforting, and helpful to you both in the coming days. As to how involved you should or shouldn't be in his situation and care, all I can offer is listen to your heart and do what ultimately feels right. And pray seeking an answer on this issue. I hope I may have offered you something helpful here. Whatever you decide, you have my heartfelt support and best wishes. PM me if you think I can help in any way.
God, des10e. This situation never sits still, does it? Just when you think it's settled, there's a new twist in the plot that makes you re-evaluate your entire stance. I had been seeing this relationship as one that was providing you the opportunity to find your own strength, specifically in your ability to just say "no" to continuing to care about and trust someone incapable of being honest and genuine with you. Your new post made me seriously re-evaluate my thinking. It occurs to me that I was correct, to an extent. Maybe this relationship IS about just saying "no." But maybe it's about more than that, as well. One thing that seems true is: The way he's behaving is not going to win him much love and support from any women in his life. He may end up driving most of them away. If you remain steadfast, you might end up being one of his few remaining supports. You're looking at two spiritual pillars here: Remaining strong and true to yourself, knowing that he's untrustworthy, and yet being forgiving, loving, and supportive in spite of this--yet without letting yourelf rely on him for your own emotional support. In other words, des10e, it would require you to be practically a saint--"guru-esque," as Bl4ck3n3D put it. LOL And yet...I see this as a possible avenue for your own growth and healing from past abuse. You would come out at the end with profound emotional strength--it could be better than any amount of journaling and therapy sessions. And you could be to some extent a savior in someone else's life. But this path is a very, very hard one, dear. And you need to guard carefully against letting yourself fall into illusions--YOU need to be the strong one. You can rejoice in any love you get from him, but you can't allow yourself to depend on his love for your own strength. In other words, this experience might be exactly what you need to find your own inner strength. I think I might have avoided seeing this before, because I wouldn't want to wish this on you--I hate to see you get hurt any more. But sometimes the way of hardship IS the best way--and you ARE strong, des10e. You've been given experiences that make you seem and feel weak sometimes, yet you've shown strength throughout everything that lots of people couldn't have mustered. But please be careful, and take care of yourself. Love and hugs, des10e.
I think you could be right. Even right now, as he and I chat, I am finding that I have to constantly encourage him to look at the brighter side of things, tell silly jokes to bring him out of his funk, console him, coddle him.... etc. In return, I'm not getting much. Being a needy person who likes attention, I'm going to feel deprived, I'm sure.
I do think about him all the time, constantly. I do have this insane urge to be near him, caring for him, loving him, showing him that someone does care. The world is not a cruel place that shuns the sick or disabled. I do love him. I tell him everyday. I tell him everyday that I'm here, no matter what the future brings, no matter what happens. On the other hand, I know he is still stuck on his ex, and that his heart is still her's. I know that he can't give me what I want because of that and other things. He told me last night that if he found out it was cancer, he was going to start searching again for someone who can love him for who he is. I just want to scream, "I'M RIGHT HERE!!!!!" Of course I can't. I have to bide my time. He knows how I feel.... and I am still gonna be here. However, I hope that it doesn work out. I would love to be with him.
I always knew that my mother wouldn't be around for a good portion of my life. She died when I was 21, too. And it broke me for so long. I was her caretaker. I know what goes into taking care of a cancer patient. I know the pain of watching one deteriorate. I would do it again if it meant being with him, near him, a real and significant part of his life. I actually had a dream about my mother's funeral about two years or so before it ever happened. I only got to see the casket, the flowers on top and how it was layed out at the wake. I never got to see who was in it, but i knew it would change my life forever. And it did. I don't know that I feel like we're running out of time now. I don't know that I think it's six months. I feel more like this is something he'll get past, but the other issues he has will be hard to deal with. However, they will allow for a bit more time than I intially thought. This is also the friend I had the dream about seeing his life chart, and I was only allowed to come away with the knowledge that he would have another child, a son. So, I am getting hope from that.
