My family is majorly pro-war. I'm tired of hiding my true feelings from them.

This is it. I can't do it anymore! I can't just smile and nod forever, can I? I play along, pretending I agree with their corrupted politics, so I don't have to be afraid of their harsh judgment. I don't. Ever since Guns 'n Roses "Civil War" made me stop and think things over, I have been strongly anti-war. The thought of human beings taking the lives of other human beings almost brings me to tears, because it hurts that there is such intolerance in the world that it has come to the point where fighting and killing is glorified as the proper way to settle arguments. God, my family is completely supportive of the war, and all war in general. My grandfather cussed out hippies for saying "peace" (as if an attempt to spread love is so wrong) and fought in the Viet Nam war proudly. I just can't hide my feelings anymore. It's growing such a burden, this desire to express my beliefs.
I'm so afraid that if they found out, I would be mentally exiled from the family, shut out and judged rashly. I would become the family disgrace. But how can I change how my heart feels? In my heart I feel that war is wrong.
What do I do? I just can't pretend anymore. I can't talk to them. I'm too scared.

Here's a poem I wrote:

Gazing into the pale eyes of a stone-cold face
I wonder how he managed to commit this greatest sin
Against himself and his brother
How shame failed to bow his prideful head
As he marched to death and destruction
How he held together his conscience
When blood painted the sky red
And dreams retrned to dust.
When he closed his eyes for a moment
Heavily burden with remorse
Could he imagine the bullets that ripped through the wind
Turning to butterflies in the sky?
Only for a moment
An echo of hope.

-Rani Lee Taylor

Any advice would be helpful

 

Ummm...I think your problem can be compared to that of closeted gays. If you're strong and have enough willpower to deal with their ignorance, then come out and be who you really are. However, if you think you're not ready to face the possible consequences, then stay in.

I'm in a similar situation. Nearly my whole family is racist. I try to educate them, but there's one uncle that I often see that no matter your arguments, you just can't win. He's anti-gay as well (I'm gay and he knows it) so seeing him is hell. I just learned how to mentally shut myself to his stupid comments. You could do the same.

Good luck man.

Peace

 

You are afraid of being mentaly exiled of your family, but arn't you already mentaly exiled? By being so different... you can't agree with them. Now it's even worse, cause they don't know it...

Maybe you should go slowly. First, make them listen to John Lennon's peaceful stuff. Then go with Black Sabbath's War Pigs!!!:X

Anyway, they are your parents after all. Parents must respect your way of thinking. And, If they reject you for what you believe, I say run away!!! Run for your live!!

Of course it depends on how your parents are open-minded...

 

I have hid my religon from my parents. Its easy just nod your head whenever they say somthing that seems worng to you. Remeber they are your parents and they love you. Don't damage that, its to good of a thing to damage. Thoguh they will still love there will be more,...drama. I hate drama.

 

Here's some pointers on how to go about this:

One: You can do what I did. Create a black arm band that crosses out the word war. I wore that around until Bush said the war was over. Ha! I misplaced it and learned my lesson. Anyways, it's a subtle way of expressing your feelings not just to your family, but to others around you. If your grandfather asks you a question about it (or another member of your family) just say that you are expressing your feelings about the war. There is other things you can do to show your disapproval of the war. This leads us into number two.

Two: When discussing your feelings regarding the war, you will find listening to the other side first helps pave the way to peaceful communication. If a person feels validated by you because you took the time to hear them out, the likelihood is they will respond by returning the favor. They will hear your side of the story. However if they choose to debate you throughout your discussion, just politely (and I do mean politely) remind them that you gave them the curtesy and respect to listen to them.

Three: The discussion. Don't go barrels blasting with your opinion about the war. Facts, facts, facts! They must be credible ones, and not heresy. Say a report came out the day before that Bush molests baby camels, therefore he's a bad person. I don't think that would be a good point to bring up in your argument against the war (not to mention it's off topic, but we all know he has that kind of dark side...). But, if you bring up the Iraqi civilian death rate to the 3,000+ that died at the WTC to make the point that what is going on is unnecessary, that is a good fact. Try and find other facts though that people don't hear on a day to day basis. I am sure your grandfather has heard all the arguments against the war, so he will be closed to those. You have to GRAB his attention (but within reason) to show him that you are taking this seriously. DON'T make accusation statements. It's not his fault that we are at war (indirectly if he voted for Bush, but don't point that out), people don't want to hear about their flaws. You lose credibility that way. No personal attacks. You keep it as objective and peaceful as possible (that's your point anyways!).

Four: Remember! These are people's opinions. Like I have stated in earlier posts, opinions are neither right nor wrong, even though in this situation it feels like it should be. If my neighbor feels that its right to go war in Iraq, I can't tell him he's wrong. I might disagree with him (how is loss of life EVER right?) but I can't expect him to change. So he might hear you out, but that doesn't mean he won't agree with you. You can't force him, you can never force people. The old saying is true: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink it.

Five: Ask for his (or any family members) respect and understanding. You don't NEED their validation for your opinion. That is not what you are looking for. But, by asking, you allow them to feel included and feel good about themselves. It's all about psychology. You make people feel good, the more likely they are going to listen to you and work with you. Call it selling out, I call it getting them to work for you. It's butt-kissing. But it works.

Well, that's all I can think of for now. I hope that helps you hun. Good Luck.

 

Hey, I know the boat you're in! I am surprised you kept it in this long! Everyone in my family and most people I come into contact with in general are republicans. I have family memebrs and friends who either are related to, or they themselves served in the military.
When I started searching and thinking, I realized I didn't beleive that violence solves anything, either! I am now a pacifist after spending over 16 years being raised as and thinking as a republican conservative pro-war type. I pondered it for a while, and came out of the closet, so to speak. Surprisingly, my family wasn't angry with me, and didn't make too big a deal about it! HOWEVER: They d tend to get mad when everything that comes out of your mouth is politics. So I have learned that politics have a time and a place, and that even if they are republicans, they are still the family and friends I loved before, and that I am the one who has changed, not them. I need to set an example and shed the light rather than just trying to convert them. This pisses people off, when all you do is tell them why they are wrong.

My reccomendation is to let them know where you stand and why, but don't go overboard about it. Don't hold the war against the people in the military, they are only pawns. Hold it against the people in charge. Listen to Bob Dylan's "Master's of War" to see what I mean. Don't hold it against your family that served in the military, because they did what they thought was right, and they put their lives on the line for it. I still think they deserve some respect (unless they are like those asses who were beating the iraqi soldiers), because they did put their lives on the line, at least in THEIR minds, for this country and their beleifs. It was the traitors in the white house and in the senate and shit that started the war, not the military.

 

Shambhala Peace, I REALLY like the armband thing! I need to get me one of those!

 

Thanks! I need to make another one. I have been thinking about it recently, that it's time to make an overt statement again. When I do, I'll make an extra for you (if you want).

 

Thanks for the offer, but I may like to try my creativity out on this one. However, you should DEFFINATELY post a pic of it on here!

 

wow, is your family really that harsh? sorry.

it's good that you aren't easily swayed by other's opinions though. i hide lots of things from my family because i know they'd be 'disappointed' if they found out. it sucks. but my mom's pretty open minded, so i can't really give you advice there.

maybe you can just drop small hints in conversations when the time is right. if you have valid arguments for your opinions then your family should have no right to judge. you're 15 though, so you don't have much time left of having to live with them.

you said that you nod and smile when things are brought up, but maybe you can just ignore it? don't let them think you agree with them, but don't cause them to assume you disagree either be the quiet listener. sometimes this is what i have to do when a topic is discussed that i don't agree with. it avoids any arguments.

that wasn't much help, but good luck anyway dealing with your family!

 

Don't be afraid of your family. Tell them your opinions (so long as you have a good argument to back it up....you can't just say 'War sucks' and leave and expect them to take you seriously.)
You have a right to feel whatever you want to feel. So, the next time they get on a discussion about a topic with which you don't agree, let them know.

 

Just because your dad donated a sperm and your mom an egg, doesn't mean they own you and you need to be like them.

Why not move out on your own, think for yourself, and be your own person? Take a risk, quit whining on the internet, and do something about it.

This war is wrong. We have put our soldiers in an untenable position where they are sniped at daily. We are spreading fear and hate, not democracy. This war is unwinnable, except for keeping the oil flowing.

 

War builds character, your parents should sign you up to the millitary



That'd be a freaking scream

 

I hope youw ill be able to show yourself and your opinions one day, woodstockchild. and be happy with it.
I think it's something you must do on your own, there has been a lot of good advice overhere. most important thing is, i guess, stay respectfull and credible towards you family.

 

Intelligently come out of the closet, tell them how you feel and leave it at that, if they become hostile towards you (which most neo-cons do), just condescendingly smile at them and go on about your business, eventually they'll give up on trying to change you (and they WILL most likely try). Stay true to yourself, don't buy into the rhetoric, mama & papa don't always know whats best. In the meantime educate yourself to the highest degree, and formulate your own well thought out opinions. With study you will be able to counter the neo-con rhetoric with infallible proof and documented opinions of some of the most learned members of our society (eg. Noam Chomsky), perhaps changing a few lives yourself, however the neo-con is a primitive/barbaric human that rarely abides by the ethos of peaceful and thought provoking discussion, it is surely guranteed that some neo-cons (perhaps your parents as well) when presented with an
opinion they cannot disprove, will become angry and vindictive, be careful of these people, they've been indoctrinated in superb fashion.

 

my parants are just like yours. pro-war, ant-tolerance, anti-drug, and anti-gay, all that shit. just dont take things too far when you tell them. or they might send yopu away and think you have mental issues like mine did

 

Hahaha, Mr.Morrison, I like your sig. Do you actually have that shirt?

 

no, i saw it in a skate magazine (CCS) and thought it was funny. i wish i had it though,

 

lmao.............im gonna order that.

 

Thanks for all the advice