My Friends

90+ % of my time on HF is spent here in the LSD forum. I feel i can do the most good here, and i love tohave my finger on the pulse of the LSD community. You are all my family, internet friends. I am about to be a little off-topic but nobody else around here knows me.

I've been fighting with a opiate addiction for a few years now, and tomorrow I am starting on a suboxone maintenance program. I am in a bit of legal trouble, and I am upset and worried about the whole situation. I'm particularly worried that being "sober" is going to cause changes in my personality. I am a little afraid.

I simply ask for your well-wishes and prayers or advice if you please. Mods, plese don't move this just delete it after a while if you need to. you are my brothers also and I am grateful for the respect.

I hope nobody here feels i have been deceitful, I have not been up-front about my addiction. I hope yall can forgive me.

much love

 

Ive always enjoyed your posts, thank you for confiding in us. I dont believe anyone would think you've been deceitful, it is a very personal and i imagine difficult thing to tell anyone.

You have my best wishes that you can overcome all this. Dont worry about being sober, sometimes it can be the biggest trip of all.

 

Dont worry I wont move the post, I only move off topic posts that serve no purpose at all.
I was actually in the same position as you, shortly after my son was born I got put on parole and
broke the relationship with his mom, moved to the slums of the city and used opiates to cover up
the pain I was experiencing daily. Once I hit 240mg's of either Oxy or Morphine or a few bags
a day, usually taken at once, I knew I was in trouble.
Honestly I wouldnt recommend the substitutions but if you feel it's a must then God bless and
good luck coming off. I went straight fairly quickly, lowering how much I would take every day
until eventually I just stopped picking up, deleted the number of my guy from my phone, and tried
to focus on what really matters, like being a good father and moving up in my job position.
Definitley wasnt easy but also wasnt as difficult as it's made out to be. If you've experienced
a strong mushroom peak, nothing is difficult in life afterwards :tongue:
The worst thing to do would be to move this thread to the opiates section because although the
cats over there give good advice, your best bet is to just avoid anything opiate related.
Your personality will change intially but give it a few months and trust me, you will be where
you want to be mentaly. I would highly recommend yoga, if you are into that sort of thing.
Meditation is the cure all but takes a very strong sense of command over the mind.
Again, God bless you will be fine.

 

I believe in you AC. Only one thing will emerge from this battle between you and opiates, and that is you.

Everyone has faults and acid doesn't erase that; our faults are as important as our virtues.

Good luck

 

no dout. best of luck to ya bud. keep a positive out look on things and youll be good. i need to kick my opi habbit too shits outta conroll.

 

I've been afraid to take acid and mushrooms for years now because of my opiate addiction ( I use to be a huge psycadelia guy), I know if I take acid, my addiction will stare at me right in my face, and it'd be too hard to handle. But I am currently getting off opiates ( have been using suboxone for a few months ), lowering each dose each day. Got a week left of suboxone left, can't wait until this is all over. I'd love to be able to take acid again and not have any worries. If you really want to get off opiates, you can. Its as simple as that, just try to think about how much better life would be without a drug controlling every aspect of your life.

 

i imagine gettin people to do heaps of exercise is part of the opiate rehab?

 

Bless you divine one.

 

Use the Force, and it will help you.
I am not trying to be sarcastic, all you need is to believe in yourself. Have in mind also that there is so much more to life then just beeing fucked. One of those things is without doubt LOVE. Love your self and others and that can be your new addiction. It can't be compared to any high, it is the ultimate drug.
I send you all my love and I trust in you!

 

Best of luck AC! It's not an easy thing to deal with but i'm sure you'll pull through unscathed. Keep positive and make sure you have a lot of support by those closest to you..

-d

 

as nasty a chemical as it is... suboxone saved me because I used in properly and weined my self off of it. It is an arduous up hill battle but it can be done. I am now a year and a half dope free and you can be there too. As far as the personality changes, they might happen but not for good and not neccisarily in a bad way. Stick to it. Good luck. No hope with dope

 

AC I've enjoyed your presence since you first posted. you'll heal up and the personality changes will only make your recovery sweeter. opiates can be a real bitch;I don't have vast experience but I have enough to know that WD's can be profoundly bitter. I always trip at how it's always a love-hate r'ship with me and oxys. I was holding some today for a friend who was waiting on money and I thought it'd be hella sweet if he couldn't afford them and I could enjoy them myself.But then he showed up and bought them off me and I was ecstatic that I was able to get rid of them and not have a comedown.

On my last trip Lucy addressed my weed habit. At a point in the trip I felt the need to smoke and once I did I didn't enjoy it at all. It freaked me out for a bit because I didn't want to stop enjoying weed. The truth of it sank in that the reason I didn't enjoy it is because I felt the need to smoke it. I'm supposed to smoke weed because I enjoy it, not because I need it. And the more I need it, the less I enjoy it and the less I respect the plant. At this I was able to confidently declare to myself that I don't need it and if I couldn't smoke anymore I would be fine. It was primo to smoke for the rest of the trip.

Since then I've reduced my sessions per day (except for when sick or on an oxy comedown). Weed is a relatively benign habit, but all habits are hard to break and it's a work in progress. A big achievement for me would be to get a good night's sleep without having smoked that day.

Sorry to hij--k, besta luck AC

 

Yeah I quit weed and booze after my last trip :0

booze completely, not even 1 beer will i have, and weed i smoke about once a month if im at a party or something and its offered. But even then I have a whole new respect for it.

I'd also like to write opiates off but I'm still screwing with them now and then.

Ideally I'd like to wean myself down to just doing LSD or mushrooms occasionally.

 

Thank you so much for the well-wishes my friends, a truly love all of you. I have some bad news. I began an outpatient treatment program last monday, was prescribed suboxone on wednesday, and was kicked out of the program on friday.

Thursday night, in our group meeting, a frined of mine who's been in treatment there for 5 weeks sat beside me. She is on 8mg suboxone, and told me she'd ran out and was feeling rough, and asked for one from me. I gave her one of my 2mg suboxone so she'd be OK till seeing the doc friday for a refill.

Friday i came in for my appointment, and apparently someone felt the need to tattle on me. My frined and I were then kicked out of the program.

now my only option is the methadone clinic. there's only one in town. this situation could also be damaging to me because I am on probation. I have 15 days of suboxone left, and there's a 10 week waiting period to get into the methadone program.

I do not feel I did anything morally wrong. I did break a rule, and was outed on this, a technicality. On my second day of treatment. I was naieve. Tried to be kind, and now i'm ruined. what kind of "treatment" is that?

I know staying clean is on my shoulders... but it's supposed to be long-term? i can "stop" getting high on opiates, but can i ever "quit"? if i can't at least...stop.. for 5 years... i could go to prison.

it is very distressing. I am actually very sad today. thats not normal.

 

Where do you live? Theres many doctors that prescribe suboxone, and don't have to go to some bullshit program. They prescribe you your subs, and your out in 15-20 minutes.

 

I know you know we are still willing you on strong. There is always a bright side, keep your head up and it will shine on your eyes.

 

Sorry about your luck man but stay away from methadone. Ive never seen anything good come out of using methadone. Try going to http://www.suboxone.com/ and then clicking "find a doctor." If you want to go out about ridding yourself of opiates with suboxone.

 

When it comes to opiate addiction the only thing I can advise you to do is to PULL YOU HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS and stay as far away from opiates as you can. These words may seem harsh, but I lost my best friend to a heroin overdose a few months ago. Once he became an addict, he lost touch with all his real friends, including myself. It was really heartbreaking, especially when I heard the news about his passing/ Do whatever it takes to get away, but get away and get away for good! Opiates and the people in the opiate culture are usually bad news. Much love friend. Good luck with this, I hope it all works out for you.

 

A few years back I was pretty heavy into crystal meth and although I'm sure your trip is much different than mine, I'm sure you can pull some sort of inspiration from my experience and success.

After numerous failed attempts at cleaning me up through hospitalization, prescribed medication and detox I realized that there was only one way for me to clean up. With everyone giving me a hard time about cleaning up it was hard for me to know what I really wanted for myself. I didn't want to clean up for them I wanted to clean up for myself and at the time I would rather get high in spite of them then clean up for myself. All the forced treatment did was piss me off and make me want to do it more often.

My family and friends always wanted me to put it down right in the middle of my trip which I did sometimes but was a real bad idea and only ended up making me feel unsatisfied and wanting to do it again in a couple weeks.

Basically, I guess I'm trying to say that only you can do this and you can only do this if you really want it for yourself. No amount of treatment or drugs or detox is ever gonna work unless you truly want to sober up. Think about how much better your life would be if you sober up. In a way treatment suggests that you can't do it on your own but that is really fucked up because the reality is that only you can do this. Sure you might need help but it would be better to get help from friends or family then to get it from some nurse or doctor who is paid to take care of you without the love that you will need.

Believe in yourself and be strong.

I cleaned up without treatment, prescription drugs or detox and I did this in a time when all of my friends and family believed that I was as good as dead. As long as you have a place to sleep, eat and keep warm you can do this.

 

It's rough, I really identify with the drug-using scene it's been my home for many years. The problem with the opiates is that it doesn't feel like I need to stop, not yet anyway. I know I need to just cut it out and be done with it, but for some reason... honest truth here... I don't feel like I want to stop. It feels good. If I was prescribed heroin or oxy or anything, I believe I would fare just fine. The real PROBLEM is that it's illegal, and I'm on probation, and although I don't believe my problem is so severe that it's ruining my life, going to prison certainly would.

The logical side of my mind does realize that if I don't quit, the addiction will soon destroy me. I have a lot to loose. But there is an insanity with me. I will continue to use, because I want to.

I just want to stop WANTING.

Thanks again for the support and advice my friends, it's truly appreciated. Relayer, thanks for letting this stick around for a while. It's good to get stuff off my chest, but confessing to strangers is far less important that revealing yourself to your friends.