my husband

has repressed anger

i wanna deal with it

go to counseling and give him a chance

a lot of you know my faults n his.

things is.. i admit mine to him- but when ever i nicely tell him his... that we have to meet half way, ya know?- he goes right back to mine

and it really upsets me and frustrates!

i think we will go to counseling cause i love him. i dont give up on love easily. actually i never have before.

but if he cant meet me in the middle.. i just have to.

to the point of the title (lollolasdlfseka), he comes home and wont listen to my responable talk.. puts me down and like stomps around like a two year old.. and this is weird for a guy! but

he compulsivly cleans then

but with a vengence.

if only he could put us much work into "us" as he does into his work ethic

i dont know what to do. i love him. he's great.... i just dont know......

 

oh n did i say that

everything he does is loud on purpose cause he knows it annoys me? that is what makes me mad... but it goes soooo much deeper

 

a lot of people don't like to believe anything is their fault, that they have any problem, so when you admit your frailties you give him an out,




he's the one that takes it....

 

yeah but what do i do about it

?

i realize im just as wrong as him since i met him in 2000

but

he just blames everything on me

and stomps and i cant take it.

stay or go?

i know it isnt that simple but ive changed a lot lately and i dont wanna deal with this drama, ya know? ill stay if things can change- but how to do it? (and remember i do love him)... and if not, ill leave (and i will but how?)

dilemaas...

 

you know everyone on this board (or almost everyone) is going to say leave, so why do you really ask? to get reasurance of a descision already made? to find doubt you know will\might come from a certain sector?

come on, I bet you can to a fair degree of accuracy predict what everyone will suggest too....


so I suppose I am asking why are you asking

perhaps your answer lies there....

 

heh

very true

and maybe im on a line

and need a SLAP in either way?

iono?

 

sounds like he has a mental illness... Post traumatic stuff pehaps..

 

fight the good fight, maybe you should record your conversation. whatever you do though make sure its clear to him were your at and how you feel

 

leaving doesnt have to be fully leaving, or an end to love
going to therapy together, to support one another sounds like the right way to go, but therapy takes time to work..as long as effort & progress is evident though theres no need to totaly end things, but gaining a lil physical distance might be a good idea untill things are more confortable..& that doesnt even have to be moving out..or sleeping on the sofa or anything, it can just be each of you have a certain space in the house that is your domain only, a plavce to go to get away & think & cool off

assuming everyone would say leave is kinda sad.. cause sometimes u love someone who has some issues, doesnt mean theyre worthless, only means they have things to work on..i'm not saying stay no matter what..i'm saying its worth trying to save..but you'll have to both work allittle & perhaps give eachother space to feel more secure

 

yeah that's why i dont always listen to people that say "leave" cause of this or that

tis also why i dont stay when people meet him n think he's great. he makes SUCH great first impressions that it sickens me.

ill give my last try n see what happens i guess...

 

It is always good to try to work things out.......it is good for us so that we know we have exhausted all venues to try to......

But

When do you start to count again Interval in all of it.....as you do.

Take care of you also!

 

hugs interval..& you know dear i ccare & if theres ever anything i can do to help i'm here for you (sorry i wasnt as clearheaded as usual last night..i know we were having a very deep conversation & my exhaustion wasnt helping me express what imeant properly
i love ya sis..i hope it all works out

 

yeah and i think that u know the issues enuf

and me enuf then n now

to know that... im willing to forgive him TOTALLY if he can forgive me TOTALLy but if not

i gotta look out for me... and i am getting older and dont wanna waste my time on something that wont work.


tis why i need to put my foot down on the counseling thing... since i have my own issues- i can understand his even tho they are diff.

but if there comes a time that you seriously wanna say "here is my issues, here is yours, etc" aka deal with it instead of babyish drama shit

the person either has to be there or not.

 

thanks.

you know i heart you too bro.

and i honestly think things will work out in this situation and in most or hopefully all for me.

the problem is sometimes you dont know HOW they will work out so it still hurts the same. even if you trust the out come

 

Interval I see and feel such a change in you and it makes me smile. You are coming into your own space with comfort and that is what is needed. Always knew it was going to be coming along and it is time.

I do support the counseling and the exploring to save a marriage but I also know that it is something that can not be done alone.....you both have to want it. To do counseling and to not open to it is redundant and it will not work. So......explore it and then go from there as at that time your path will be clearer, no matter which one it is.

There is something to be said with having a clear mind when making decisions, if he will not do the counseling then you still need to for you so that you come from where you need to in order for you to make the decisions that will be coming.

Love and light
Me

 

well here is how it is with us

he said he'd go

and i believe him though i kinda gotta force it in the way of setting the appointment, reminding him, etc (say anything there? lolol)

but

after we go... its up to him. ill give it my ALL. that is truth. im ALL there. i want a healthy relationship. i think him n i CAN be healthy BUT

if he isnt willing at that time

i think itll ease my mind- that way i can say to myself "well, trish, you tried,... you did this n gave yer all"

so either way, if it works as i think it will, its win win

wish me luck

easier said then done

*hugs*

 

and yeah i hear you btw heather

if hes not there mentally and spiritually

ill know it.

part of the reason i want to do this.

we have issues that we need professional help on and that is okay but a lot of times

it can also be just seeing how willing a person is to acceptance and working on things

n even im intelligent enough to know that

 

keep in mind if the issuesare deep..it may take time & effort before heswilling or able to truly open up & give it his all,
but at some point you'll know wether theres hope or not..but just dont expect to see changes within weeks..

hugs..i'm losing conceisness & the ability to think..so goodnight all (yea its strange sayin goodnight at 11 am..lol)

 

well it is the weekend and it is weird by the 9 to 5 society but dan went to third shift n i just chose to let my night owl come out. i never liked going to bed at 10 to 12 am/pm anyways........

so not not weird for me but oddly enuf in some ways im scared to sleep tho when im sleeping i love it. psycho analyze THAT hahaha

 

The difference is now you are stronger and are able to start to draw the lines of acceptable for you.......a good place to come from.

Never once doubted your intelligence!! That's why I was always concerned as it was more about you knowing it...

Will wish you more than just luck....will instead draw a circle and send light

Take care, if you need me, you know how to get a hold of me.
Heat