My Journey to the One

I haven't tripped in over 15 years. As many of you know from your own experience, that doesn't change the fact that LSD can change your life forever.

I've been inspired to tell my story by burnabowl who started this thread:

http://www.hipforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=291512

I hope I will be able to make sense of it more once I right it all down...

here it goes......

It’s been over 20 years now. It’s hard to believe that it’s been that long, yet it is something that I still think about almost every day.



I was 17 years old. It started in Omaha Ne, the summer of 1987. My friend “M” had his eyes on a new girlfriend. Her name was Cindy. The problem between “M” and I was that this was Cindy # 3 since the start of school last September. Cindy 1 and 2 ended up wanting to be with me, even though M did the leg work. I couldn’t help it though, it was out of my control, and M knew it and didn’t blame me, but DAMN IT.



M and I, and our friends were always game for dropping acid. I thought of acid as a nothing more than a party drug.



M told me that his new friend Cindy was from Fremont, and she new a guy there that had or made some really good acid. M arranged to go to Fremont with Cindy, and he invited me to go with him on the condition that I would not cock block him again. M and I always did well together when chasing the girls, despite the recent Cindy phenomenon. I agreed, and off we went.



Somehow the seating arrangement on the way to Fremont had me in the back seat with Cindy. M was riding shotgun. Inexplicitly and right on queue, I immediately started hitting it off with her. M was not pleased, and he started giving me the stink eye. I couldn’t help it though. It wasn’t me. Cindy was making her own choices, and I wasn’t pushing her, it was just happening that way. To make matters worse, I really liked Cindy, and it would be hard for me to let go because we had already begun to bond. I would nonetheless honor my commitment to M. Cindy was off limits.



When we got to Fremont it was getting dark. We got dropped off at the local convenience store, and soon picked up by the guy who had the acid. He was much older than us, an adult. M and I got in the back seat, and Cindy rode up front. We got to the guy’s house, and he and Cindy went inside. M and I waited in the back seat, and we again went over the fact that I wasn’t to cock block him.



They came out of the house and got back in the car. The guy started telling us about the acid. He told us that it was fresh, made that day. It was called “Rubik’s Cube” it was blotter. He also said that it went on the sheet thick in some spots, and that he wasn’t sure how much acid he was giving us, and as such would be a responsible “guide” and stick with us on our journey, as to keep us out of trouble.



No problem. M and I bought 2 hits each. M took them both, I myself was more cautious only taking one being a little spooked by the “thicker in some parts” speech. Our guide and Cindy weren’t dropping. They would take care of us. We smoked a bowl or two of weed in the car and off we went.



I wasn’t on any kind of vision quest when we dropped. I was just a teenager looking for a good time, but what transpired next has changed me forever.



My trip started off as per usual. Trails, laughing, and the on rush of what was to come. I waited anxiously for the trippy things I would see and feel. We smoked some more weed. Our guide started driving us in a loop, into and out of town as we waited for the acid to take full effect. He put his ZZ-Top tape in, and it played on a loop for the duration of the night.



So there we were, smoking weed, listening to ZZ-Top “la Grange” over and over, and then driving in and out of town, going from the “LIGHT” to the dark in an endless cycle.



Before I knew it I was tripping really hard. I began asking myself a question. I’m not sure what this “divine” question was exactly, but I was asking myself this question over and over in chorus with riding in and out of the dark. When we would ride into the dark, I was fearful. I’m not sure if our Guide ever actually spoke, but it was as if he was saying to me “We are going into the dark, do you choose this dark path? Only you can choose the path to the Light. The decision is yours, Dark or Light?” The dark way was empty, void of anything. The Light way was Truth, Love, and the connection to everything that binds everyone and everything together as one.



As I sat there in the back of the car, I lost my connection to my body. I couldn’t feel my body in the same way as normal. I had a different center. I could not tell what my hands were doing. I had the sensation that I was… touching myself inappropriately. I had to sit on my hands to ensure that they weren’t doing anything that they ought not to be doing, and I felt very embarrassed. I then had the sensation of crying uncontrollably. I felt the strong emotions related to crying complete with uncontrollable Alligator tears, yet my face was dry.



From time to time we would stop in town at the convenience store. This at first seemed to be a reprieve from my current condition… choice between Light and Dark, but it wasn’t to be. I was loosing track of myself. At times I would slip into another world, and spoke words in another language that I do not know. I would then suddenly “return” not knowing what I had just said, or what actions I had just taken. I asked M, “What did I just say?, What did I just say!!?” He didn’t know. “I don’t know, it sounds like you are talking backwards.”, he said. “It’s just the acid”.



Back into the car we went. Back into the cycle of light and dark, zz-top, crying, and now the added freak show of speaking in tongues that I do not understand. The reality that I was destined for the dark was becoming all to convincing, and I pondered the Question in an absolute panic to save my own soul when WHAM, the Love and Truth of the Light overwhelmed me. I had answered the riddle. I basked in the glory of the Light of Love for everyone, and everything. The Light of Truth and Love shined on me proudly, and at that moment I knew everything that there is to know. The truth of us all, and of the love that connects everything in the Universe. The Light was proud of me, and so was Cindy who was also in the Light. She looked at me and smiled. She was as proud of me as the Light was, and I loved her for it. She, the Light, I and everything were One. We were the “Only One”.



We got back into the car and somehow I forgot the answer to the question. It put me in a panic. I knew that I didn’t want to go back into the dark, but that it would be my destiny if I couldn’t solve the riddle.



While I pondered the question I learned that we are all One. “THE ONE”. We are on the Journey of the One. All of creation in the universe, and all of time in all places is one thing. One beautiful “One” and it was me, I was everything, and everything was me.



Despite the revelation I continued to go into and out of the dark. I would answer the question and see the love, joy and bliss with everything in the Light, then back to the darkness of ignorance. I did this over and over, back and forth.



Finally the Light said to me “Thank you for coming, don’t forget I love you. Don’t forget the lesson you have learned. Take heed as I have shown you the true path to me, don’t let the dark be your destiny, you now know the way, and we will meet again. Always believe in the sacred Love and Truth, and practice Goodness in your life, and you will find me easily.”



Morning came and the trip was over. That was that.



M, our guide, Cindy and I started back to Omaha to drop M and I off home. I was speechless on the way home. I had so many questions. How could this be? Who else knows the Truth? What do I do now that I know that life is an illusion?



I never saw Cindy again after that night. M and I drifted apart, yet that night will live with me forever. I will never forget it.

 

Beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story.

 

You're welcome. Now I know what it is I need to do.....

Thank you Cindy for being the love of my life. I miss you and will always love you. You showed me the way, and I am forever grateful. I hope one day to join with you again.

May truth and love be your companion for eternity. I love you Cindy.

 

Very interesting read. Could you please elaborate more on how the trip has changed and affected your life, I love reading about those things.

 

That's awesome

 

I would say that it has definetly affected my life, for the better and worse.



The better part is easy. Deep down inside I always know that I have the power within myself to make the right choice when I have to answer the question again.



After it happened, I was very confused. There wasn't anyone I could talk about it with in a serious way. My friends discounted it as just another trippy night, and it wasn't like I could say "Hey Mom, guess what..." So as a result I have been alone with it. I had paranoid delusions. I.e. Who else knows? Do they know that I know? Are they watching me?



A month or two after the trip I enlisted in the Marine Corps. Silly me. I had been an Ollie North fan. There was something about the way he testified in front of congress that I found attractive. Enlisting took me far away from the trip, and I tried to forget about it, and at times I did, but it was always there. And of course I could definitely not talk about it anymore. I couldn't admit that I'd done acid, as that would disqualify me and I could get kicked out. (In hind sight that might not have been bad thing)

I would say that the Marine Corps had shaped my life more than any other outside influence. The trip is always there though. Omni present so to speak.

I have privately searched for answers. I have a read a couple of zen books, but nothing really has connected me back to that night.

I only speak of the trip now because I recenlty lost love, and remembering how I felt that night gives me comfort.

I have also never directly connected the acid to the trip. Sure the acid was the catalyst, but the trip was there first. So in my search to understand, I didn't turn to acid or other drugs. I looked towards eastern religion but knew I didn't have the kind of comittment it would take. I had (have) a life.

I do feel MUCH better after all these years to FINALLY give my testimony. It is a relief.

 

sounds like a very enlightening trip, I can remember a few of them as if they happened just yesterday and its personally been 7 years here, profound moments such as these stay with us our whole lives.


BTW, I am also from Omaha!

 

Omaha is a great place to be FROM! I'm am in So Cal now. Thinking of Omaha makes me cold. brrrrrrrrrrr.

 

that was cool and made me smile except for the ending.

the whole cindy thing was sad.

 

One step.

 

One step... what does that mean?

 

The journey of one thousand miles begins with one step.

 

seejay. thanks so much brother. the simple purity of the Light that you described is something that can be drawn upon anytime, even 15 years after the journey; it's overwhelming. blissful feelings given to us by persons can be remembered, but usually with a temporal reference leaving nostalgia and yearning, but the bliss from the Light is indepedent of time restraints, and is omnipresent. As you said, the trip is always there, we just have to see it.


I'm grateful for what you wrote. I've been needing to prepare for my next trip, and reading your tale helped reconstitute the grand simplicity that the clutter of the daily rational mind blocks out.

 

When I wrote about what the light said to me all those years ago, the tears came down my face. It was the first time I had wrote any of it down, much less tell anyone in detail about the event.

I wish that I knew more about what had happened to me at the time. I was clueless, and in many ways still am.

Your story [burns's] has helped me come to terms with it. Thank you.

 

thanks for sharing. I really enjoyed reading that.

 

i saw the light first time i was on acid, just opened up right in front of me. It shattered much of me. The interesting thing about this was, I was actually describing it to my friend and he saw it too. Although I think because of that he takes it less seriously than me because he thinks it was just a projection from myself or something. Hasn't kind realized the pecuilarity in the ability of that vision to be transfered so easily between people... But anyways.
I understand it now that, so all organisms grow out from a center point, almost like matter sucking out of a blackhole in a sense. Everything goes of this nature, the big bang started as a point, spread out, the sun started as a point grew out, even the earth started as a point int he center and expanded from it's center, grew, like an orange, it still is expanding. All organisms have that pole that essentially runs up it's center, then recirculates the energy back around, even humans.

Then the third eye, pineal glande, has the ability to look down through your body and brain, I always say its as though your synapses and nervous system was a system of fiber optics that carry all the energy/light pulses in your body and brain to culminate an coherent image when looked through from the pineal glande. But anyways, when you do this with the third eye, seeing the light, is essentially seeing the source of energy in your center from which you grew and expanded out of. Like, looking straight down upon the pole of energy that runs up through your center and recirculates back around. Which is pecuilar cause you see the light in front of you, infinitely away, about 30 degrees up from horizon it seems. But thats just what the third eye is, it's like an energy passage running perpinduclar to the center energy passage that goes straight up your body, and all inner realms appear infinite in distance. So really the light is eminating from your center, spewing out the top of your head, and recircling back around and if you hold the auuuummmm in your bodies feeling, you can feel it easier

and I would say everyone can tell you have it....

 

Wow. I never thought to put this into words. That's exactly right. What about the color of the Light? I sometimes get this deja vu feeling that I might die, and I don't want to go out in search of the Light. (if you know what I mean), so I'll try to avoid being under "red white and blue" lights.

Also, I'm suppose to wear glasses, but I don't. I have a mild stigmatism, and am somewhat near sighted. I have avoided wearing glasses because in the Light, my eye's have perfect vision.

If I have my glasses on, I definetly want to avoid places like Chevron, or being around beautiful "red white and blue" anything, like tributes to the American flag, or other patriotic events.

What about the connection to everything "feeling"? Years and Years ago I could sometimes feel a hint of it spontaniously. I could put my hand on a tree, or even a concrete pillar and knew that it knew me.

For the first few years after it happened I wished I could walk into a church or some other gathering and say "See!"

 

The 'feeling' your talking about is what I refer to as awareness, the consciousness of God working through Her Nature. All of our 'awarenesses' are in fact the same thing, only appear to be diconnected because of our screen of expectation. There is no difference, the tree doesnt know you, only you know the tree. The awareness the tree has comes from the same 'brain' that the awareness of Sun's billions of light years away have.
The Light is an extension of Om, the primal sensations of the Universe. These are all of course relatively weak metaphors for what is really happening, but if you start to understand the universe, in fact the multiverses, to be nothing more than God's 'body' it all starts to come together. Primal sound and primal light were the initial happenings before the Big Bang, and the universe itself is nothing more than a reverberation of that very dawn.
This is just how I've so far learned to dettach myself from Herself in order to exist in Her without having any awareness that there was, is, or ever will be a 'me'.
Another note about the light, is that from my own experience and that of several others whom I've spoken with, the ability to ACTUALLY see the light, not through the third eye but with the heart, comes after a brief moment in 'time' where your vision goes microscpoic and macrocosmic in scale in the same instance. After that it's all over.
Namaste

 

And this is why Krsna says I am the seed bearing Father, and all that is born from me dies back into me. Sorry, not exact wording but close enough, I only wish to share my reasoning for saying that the universe is not infinite and will actually go back into our Mother.

 

sounds depressing. if there is no me, then what am I?