okay, hi. i have this problem that occurs in most of my relationships. i give up easily, and dont have enough faith to work on any problems. i usually feel clausterphobic in the early stages of a relationship, fearing i will feel un-free and stuck. i over anylaze the relationship, and blow things out of porportion. hey, at least i can admit it. but with my current boyfriend of four months, its been the best relationship so far. we realy do work out our problems, and have beautiful communcation skills. we agreed to always work out our problems because we love eachother. we o have alot of understanding. four months doesnt sound like alot, but we have grown so much together in this short time. however, we are different people, with different views. we mostly agree on most important topics in life. but, theres this one THING that really bothers me. it makes me feel doubtful, it makes me question weither or not we should be together. its that - im more laidback, though i do usually take care of my repsonsibitles(not all of the time, i sometimes need his help because im a big procrasnator, but im working on it) i like to have fun, and i used to have this big worry wart problem, but im prety much over it, and i dont like to worry about the unnessary things. i like to find the sense of humor in most things. and i like to spend long minutes in nature and such, just appreating the small things in life. but my boyfriend is a bit different. i know he does have more resposnbilites than me, with him being older, having a job, being a big brother(but im a big sister too..) but sometimes it frustrates me because he sucks the fun out of things, because he is worried about what other people think, and he always has his problems on his mind that he can never FULLY relax and have fun with me. he is pretty uptight. he told me he has loosened up alot since we've been together, and im happy about that. but, i just, dont know what to do. i see this as something that can get in our way. or, at least mine. i told him how i feel, and we both stated our views, but we dont seem to get an understanding. can two people be together, but be this different? am i making a big deal? but i do think of this as important. i was thinking maybe i should just have fun and show him with actions, instead of shoving it down his throat like, 'youre too uptight, loosen up.'. and i guess i cant blame him, his life is stressful, but i just think he can learn how to cope with it better. i really am just trying to help, but he doesnt understand. any opinons or comments would be wonderful, and congrats if you actauly read this all, and congrats if you just skimmed thru it. thank you much!
i tihnk this situation is actually good, beleive it or not, even maybe ideal. opposites attract, and youve found yours. he may be feeling the same about you; "why can you be more responsible" ect. the point is that you both have different views on the world. you see the world that will work itselfd out in the end, while he sees the world that if you dont keep up, you may get left behind. this combonation in a relatioship will keep you both intriqued with eachother. every now and again, show him how you see things. take him on a walk, go read poetry together, just do something where you dont have to live up to anything. and let him show you his side, too. i would not worry about this issue unless it gets extreme. good luck with everything. and remember, for the both of you, patience is key.
noot aw that was really good advice! and what u said about me thinking things will work out in the end, and him thinking if u dont keep up ull get left behind, is DEFINALY how it is, youve got it right on the dot, and i never even realized that myself. and he does say to me , ' u shud be more repsonsible, etc etc' but i say to him, 'u shud have more fun'. thank you so much, u made me feel lots better! -jamie
i can totally see myself in your position. i'm going through a similar thing with my bf and thinking about it drives me over the edge. i'm an overanalyzer and i'm starting to doubt my feelings for him. the problem is, i don't know what love is and i don't know if i DO love him. it's driving me crazy! i know i shouldn't let myself be affected by this too much but i can't.. do you have any advice?
