My Stoner Movie Script(very long)

I need some stoner critiques for the 1st 16 min. of my movie Lamar. I asked my friends but, all I got was very biased, non-constructive critiques. and for anybody wanting to test, this is copywritten and you will be sued. thanks. this was written in standard screenplay format but, it pasted funky so, meh.

“LAMAR”
FADE IN:

LAMAR
(In a very sad and somber voice)
I remember the first time I did drugs. It was a long time ago and it was an accident. I didn't know what I was doing and before I knew it, I was hooked.
(letting out a big sigh)
Drugs are great.

INT. DWEEBLE'S PAD LIVING ROOM, 1995 -- NIGHT
There's a party going on and DWEEBLE's house is crowded. People are dancing on the living room floor to the music of THE LUNIZ. Dweeble works his way through the crowded dance floor, acknowledging his friends as he walks by.

LAMAR
It was the 1990s and my brother Dweeble was throwing his annual dope party. I was about 9 years old then...

Dweeble wades his way through the crowd and finally makes it to the kitchen where his friends FIELDS and JOJO are.

INT. DWEEBLE'S PAD KITCHEN, 1995 -- NIGHT
Fields is washing his hands at the sink and Jojo is relaxed, leaning on the table counter covering the food from sight.

DWEEBLE
Damn, this party is jumpin' ain't it?

FIELDS
Oh hell yeah.
(drying his hands with a paper towel)
This party is jumpin'!

DWEEBLE
(impatiently)
Yo, Jojo, the brownies done yet?

JOJO
Yup. They're cooling off right now.

DWEEBLE
You get all the weed in?

JOJO
You know it!

DWEEBLE
(happily)
Nice. How bout the pizza?

JOJO
Done and done. The shit is stacked. Shrooms on top of shrooms baby!

DWEEBLE
Sweet.

JOJO
Yup yup.

DWEEBLE
Well,
(he says while looking around)
Where are they?

JOJO
(moving and turning around)
Right here, on the counter.

Jojo moves away from the counter to look at the food.

DWEEBLE
(looking at the counter)
Nice.

Dweeble stares at the pizza and brownies but, notices that the pizza is missing a slice and one of the brownies is missing.

DWEEBLE
I see you fuckos couldn't wait.

FIELDS
(confused)
Whatcha mean?

DWEEBLE
Some of the food is missing.

FIELDS
For real?
(pauses to think)
I didn't take shit.

JOJO
Me neither.

DWEEBLE
The fuck did then? I told you not to let nobody back here.

FIELDS
(looking at Jojo)
We didn't.

As the three look at each other in confusion, LAMAR, Dweeble's 9 year old brother, walks into the room with a plate in his hands.

LAMAR
Hey guys, good grub.

The three simultaneously turn to look at Lamar. Jojo notices pizza crust on Lamar's plate. Fields notices brownie crumbs on Lamar's plate. Dweeble notices a piece of shroom between Lamar's teeth.

DWEEBLE, FIELDS, AND JOJO
Oh shit!

Lamar smiles at them not knowing what's going on. He puts the plate in the sink and grabs an opened beer from the counter.

LAMAR
So, what's going on guys?

The three look at each other in amazement.

DWEEBLE
The fuck you doing?
(snatching the beer from Lamar)
Gimme that beer. You ain't old enough to drink this shit.

JOJO
I don't know Dweeble, he ate a shit load of shrooms and weed, one beer ain't gonna make no damn difference.

Dweeble hands Jojo the beer and then slaps him in the back of the head.

DWEEBLE
(turning attention back to Lamar)
The hell's wrong with you? I told you to go to bed.

LAMAR
I got hungry so, I came into the kitchen and got some food. I didn't know you ordered pizza.

JOJO
We didn't, we made that shit.

LAMAR
You guys put to much mushrooms on it.

JOJO
That was the point.
(takes a drink from his beer)
To get fucked up!
(gives thumbs up)

DWEEBLE
(turns to Jojo)
Shut your ass up Jojo.
(calming himself down)
So, you feeling, different Lamar?

Lamar doesn't respond. He stares at the three in a daze, a small grin slowly appearing on his face. The three stare back at him confused, not knowing what's going on.

FIELDS
Lamar? You okay?

Dweeble waves his hand back and forth in front of Lamar's face.

DWEEBLE
(nervously)
What the fuck's going on man?
Jojo pokes Lamar a couple of times. Lamar doesn't budge and continues to smile.

JOJO
I think he's dead.

Dweeble and Fields both turn their heads slowly and stare at Jojo.

FIELDS
He's dead? While standing up, and smiling?

JOJO
People can die like that.

FIELDS
He's still breathing.

JOJO
People breathe long after they die I read that shit somewhere.

FIELDS
You're a fucking idiot.

DWEEBLE
(turning his attention back to Lamar)
You okay Lamar? You want some water or something?

Lamar continues to stare at with a vacant look on his face. Dweeble not knowing what to do, slaps Lamar across the face. Lamar finally snaps out of his trance.

LAMAR
(shaking his head vigorously)
Hey guys, what's going on?
(looking around)
How'd I get in the kitchen?

DWEEBLE
You okay Lamar?
(nodding his head slowly)
You cool?

LAMAR
Yeah, I'm cool.
(shakes his head)
I'm gonna go to the room now. I'm tired.

DWEEBLE
You sure you're cool?

LAMAR
Yeah, I'm cool.

DWEEBLE
All right, cool.

Lamar walks out of the kitchen and the 3 let out a sigh of relief.

FIELDS
Wow, that was the scariest couple of minutes of my life.

JOJO
Yeah, I knew he was cool all along.

FIELDS
Fuck you. You thought he was dead.

JOJO
Meh.
(puts his beer on the counter)
It's his first time doing drugs man.
(taking a box of cigarettes and a lighter out of his pocket)
A lot of people don't feel shit their first time.
(pulling out a single cigarette)
I know I didn't feel shit the first time I did drugs.
(puts the box on the counter and lights a cigarette)
Matter of fact, my entire body was numb. I didn't feel anything for days.

DWEEBLE
Yeah, I'm glad he didn't feel nothing. Can you imagine if he would have felt the effects of both the shrooms and the dank? Man, he woulda been fucked up.

JOJO AND FIELDS
Yeah.

As the 3 stand there and contemplate, a loud commotion breaks out. CHANTS can be heard in the living room where the party's going on.

PARTY GOERS
Go Lamar. Go Lamar. Go Lamar. Go Lamar.

A young PARTY GOER runs into the kitchen and Dweeble, Fields, and Jojo are all stunned.

PARTY GOER
Damn man, banging party. That lil' man out there can dance!

DWEEBLE, FIELDS, AND JOJO
(looking at each other)
Awww, fuck.

The 3 quickly run into the living room. Jojo drops his LIT cigarette near a an opened bottle of 151 Bacardi on the counter.

INT. DWEEBLE'S PAD LIVING ROOM, 1995 -- NIGHT
Lamar is seen standing on top of the couch, half naked, dancing to the
DIGITAL UNDERGROUND song, THE HUMPTY DANCE. Lamar then starts to hum the melody.

DWEEBLE
What the fuck are you doing?

LAMAR
I'm gettin' down.

Lamar begins doing various dances including the Humpty Dance.

DWEEBLE
Goddammit! Quit that shit.

LAMAR
(Singing and dancing)
The Humpty Dance is your chance to do the Hump. Ah, do me baby! Do the Humpty Hump, c'mon a do the Humpty Hump.

Jojo begins LAUGHING.

JOJO
Hey, remember this song?
(dancing)
Go Lamar. Go, go.

Jojo takes off his shirt and throws it to the crowd. Jojo starts doing the
Humpty Dance too.

DWEEBLE
What the fuck are you doing?

JOJO
Come on, join the party.

LAMAR
Check this move. I call it watering the plants.

Lamar proceeds to unzip his pants to the beat of the music. He then pulls his penis out and starts to pee on the party goers. Lamar then begins to sing.

LAMAR
Got, to... water the plants. Gonna, go... water the plants. All of you... faggots are plants. Gonna pee... on all of you bitches.

Lamar continues to spray the patrons with urine and a panic ensues. Party goers begin to YELL and SCREAM all while heading towards the exit.

JOJO
Hey, let me try that.

Jojo pulls his pants down to his ankles and begins to pee also. He also begins to sing.

JOJO
Water the plants.
(laughing)
This is gay.

Dweeble runs around trying to get people to calm down. He then turns his attention to Jojo and Lamar.

DWEEBLE
Stop pissing you fucks. I ain't cleaning none of this shit up. You muthafuckaz keep pissing and I swear I'm gonna tie your fucking dicks together.

Lamar then turns to Dweeble, confused.

LAMAR
Huh? I ain't peeing, I'm watering the plants.
(zipping his fly up)

DWEEBLE
The fuck you talking about?

LAMAR
(concerned)
If you don't water the plants... they'll die.

 

Dweeble begins to look around.

DWEEBLE
There ain't no fucking plants. You're peeing on the carpet and you're peeing on the people.

Lamar finally begins to snap out of his trance and realizes what he has done. He looks around the room to find everybody has left through the front door which has been left wide open.

LAMAR
Huh? Damn, I for real thought I was watering some plants.

Lamar stares at Dweeble with a vacant look on his face. Then suddenly, Lamar begins to LAUGH uncontrollably.

FIELDS
Oh man, dude, he's flipping out.

Lamar then falls to the ground seemingly knocking himself unconscious. A couple of seconds later, he begins to laugh hysterically again.

LAMAR
(between laughter)
Ow. My brain
(continued laughter)

FIELDS
What the fuck do we do? He's tweaking hard.

DWEEBLE
I don't know.
(shrugs his shoulders)
Um... ah... give him a depressant. That should calm him down.
(nods his head)

JOJO
(reaching into his pocket)
I got ya.

Jojo pulls out a couple of tabs of ACID and jumps to Lamar. Standing over Lamar, Jojo forces Lamar's mouth open with one hand and stick the acid in with the other.

JOJO
There, two hits of acid.

DWEEBLE
(confused)
Acid? ACID!? I said a depressant you dumb shit.

JOJO
Oh.
(slowly backing away from Lamar)
I thought you said give him some acid.

DWEEBLE
The fuck did you get acid from depressant? They don't even sound alike.

JOJO
Damn dude, you shouldn't be asking me to do shit, I'm hella high.

DWEEBLE
Fuck man.

Lamar suddenly jumps up from the floor and begins to walk towards the kitchen.

LAMAR
Whoa. I can see the lights.
(slowly walks towards the kitchen)
I can feel the energy.

DWEEBLE
The fuck are you talking about?

JOJO
I don't know what he's talkin' bout but, I can feel it too.
(wipes sweat off of his brow)
It feels hot as fuck.

FIELDS
Wait, I feel it too.

The three look at each other in confusion. They all walk up beside Lamar and look into the kitchen. They see a red blaze in the kitchen.

JOJO
Damn, I see lights too and I ain't even pop no tabs.
(laughs)

FIELDS
(turning to Jojo in a panic)
You stupid shit, the kitchen's on fire!

JOJO
(screaming like a girl and running around in circles)
What do we do, what do we do, what do we do?

DWEEBLE
FUCK!
(looking around)
The nearest sink that ain't in the kitchen, is on the other side of the kitchen.

FIELDS
(pointing towards the front door)
The hose.

DWEEBLE
Won't reach.

JOJO
(puts both hands on top of his head)
I hate this!

FIELDS
Call 911!

DWEEBLE
Hell no, we got drugs stashed everywhere.

FIELDS
You wanna die? I'd rather get arrested than die.

JOJO
Fuck that I'd rather die than get fucked in the bootie!

DWEEBLE
Nobody's gonna die you idiots, the front door is right there.
(pointing at the front door)
But if we call 911, we will get fucked in the bootie.

JOJO
(muttering)
No.
(laughs)

DWEEBLE
But I don't wanna be homeless so help me think of something.

As the three contemplate their next move, Lamar's hallucination becomes increasingly stronger. The brownies in the kitchen burn, releasing the intoxicating smoke into the air. Lamar takes a deep breath.

LAMAR'S P.O.V. - KITCHEN FIRE
The fire begins to warp and the colors of the fire and the kitchen itself begin to bleed into each other. The fire then begins to change into the form of roses, beautiful roses waving around back and forth. Lamar begins to smile and suddenly he hears GHOSTLY VOICES WHISPERING to him.

GHOSTLY VOICES
Wa... water...water the plants. Got... to... water the plants.

Lamar nods his head and pulls his pants down to his ankles. He lets of a stream of urine and begins to spread it along the fire.

BACK TO SCENE
The three still contemplate. Dweeble suddenly notices what Lamar is doing.

DWEEBLE
Oh shit.
(runs to Lamar and signals the other two)
C'mon guys.

Jojo and Fields see Dweeble and notice what Lamar is doing. They rush over and all three line up beside Lamar.

DWEEBLE
Aight, dicks out!

The three unzip their flies, look at each other and nod.

DWEEBLE
Ready, aim, piss!

They begin urinating on the fire. Jojo slowly turns his head and looks at Field's penis. Fields notices Jojo and glares at him, scaring Jojo. Jojo then turns his attention back to the fire and begins to shake his dick vigorously.

JOJO
(letting out a moan)
Awww... I think I busted a nutt.

FIELDS
(moving away from Jojo)
You nasty fuck.

Jojo shrugs his shoulders. Fields then turns away and begins imitating and machine gun and sways back and forth. They continue spraying with all of their might. The fire begins to subside.

FIELDS
It's working.

LAMAR
Water the plants, water the plants.

JOJO
(farting)
Awww... I just shit a little.
The fire is then put out completely.

DWEEBLE
Thank, god that worked.

They all shake their dicks and zip up their pants at the same time. Lamar pulls his pants up and turns to the others, smiling.

LAMAR
Hey guys. How'd I get to the living room?
(looks at the three)

Confused, Lamar stares at the three. He then begins to laugh hysterically.

DWEEBLE
What a fool.
(stares at the kitchen)
Aiight you fucks clean this shit up.

FIELDS
What about him.
(points at Lamar)

DWEEBLE
Let him rest, he saved the house. He's gotta come down sometime. I just hope he don't end up addicted to this shit.

As Dweeble, Jojo and Fields stare at Lamar, Lamar stops laughing and falls to the ground. Lamar then stares straight into the air and begins to slowly. Dweeble's voice becomes DISTORTED in Lamar's mind.

DWEEBLE
(Echoing)
Lamar... Lamar...Lamar...

DISSOLVE TO:
INT. NEW START REHABILITATION CENTER MEETING ROOM , 2006 -- NIGHT
Lamar, now 20 years old, is in a daze standing in the front of the room behind a podium while an audience of drug addicts stare at him. Jojo and two other drug addicts, who are sitting just to the right of the podium, stare at Lamar.

JOJO
(whispering)
Lamar, Lamar
(yelling)
Lamar!

Lamar snaps out of his daze and turns to Jojo.

JOJO
(whispering)
Say something dumbtard .

LAMAR
Huh, oh yeah.
(turning towards the crowd)
And that was the first time I did drugs.

The audience continue staring at Lamar.

JOJO
(whispering)
Lamar, you didn't tell them shit. The last thing you said was, I was about 9 years old then and then you just stared at them for ten minutes.

LAMAR
Oh.
(laughing)
My bad, my name is Lamar.

CROWD
Hi Lamar.

LAMAR
(confused)
Huh?

The crowd stares back at him in silence.

LAMAR
(yelling)
What?
(pauses)
Oh.
(laughing)
Anyway my name is Lamar and I'm addicted to weed...
(lets off a sigh)
Shrooms, meth, crack cocaine, regular cocaine, ecstacy. Ghb, you know, nail polish that gets you doing this.
(begins shaking his upper body and twitching his muscles)
I've done acid, angel dust, balloons.

The crowd begins to look at each other in astonishment.

LAMAR
I've sniffed paint, glue and magic markers. I've also stuck a sharpie up my nose. I've snorted ants like Ozzy Osbourne. I've also been kicked in the nuts and my balls swoll up so I took steroids to shrink the mutha fuckaz. And... uh... I'm high on cough syrup right now.
(laughing)

The crowd stare at Lamar and begin to clap.

LAMAR
What the fuck you clapping for?

Within the crowd, DOCTOR MARIA DIAZ stands up from her seat.

DOCTOR DIAZ
Is there anything else you would like to share with us Lamar?

LAMAR
Huh, oh I got some E and J in the car if y'all want some of that.

DOCTOR DIAZ
No Lamar, I meant would you like to verbally share anything else that has to do with your drug problem?

LAMAR
(agitated)
I don't know y'all posed to be telling me shit. Like, how I'm posed to stop and how I'm posed to get better.
(loses concentration and looks at Diaz's chest)
Damn look at them titties!

Lamar then begins dancing for no apparent reason, swaying from side to side.

DOCTOR DIAZ
Um...
(looking around)
Well, we can't do that Lamar. What we can do is listen and try and help you, help yourself.

Lamar stops dancing and then turns to Jojo, who in turn, looks at Lamar and shrugs his shoulders. Lamar, very agitated then turns to address the doctor.

LAMAR
(slowly and enunciated)
What the fuck is that?
(fast and agitated)
The fuck is the point of all this shit? I paid you muthafuckaz to help ME, not to help me help myself or to help you help me or help us help others because we all need help. That's dumb as fuck.
(sighs)
Give me my money back I'm gonna go buy some weed.
(looks at Diaz's chest again and points)
I can see your nipples.

DOCTOR DIAZ
(confused)
But Lamar,
(looks around the room)
This is a free service.

Lamar then knocks the podium down and runs up to Doctor Diaz and grabs her by the lapel.

LAMAR
I said give me my money bitch.

Doctor Diaz frantically digs in her purse to look for the money. Lamar gets more and more annoyed with each fumbled attempt. Finally Diaz finds her money and nervously gives the money to Lamar.

DR. DIAZ
(scared)
Here, take it.
Lamar then grabs the money and turns to Jojo.

LAMAR
Run nigga!

Lamar throws Diaz to the ground and then breaks for the entrance. Lamar then comes back and gives Diaz a piece of paper.

LAMAR
Call me ma.
(winks and pokes her nipple)

Lamar then runs for the entrance again. Shocked Jojo gets up and looks around. He then suddenly punches the man sitting next to him in the mouth, knocking him unconscious.

JOJO
I'm gonna help myself to this dudes shoes.

Jojo then takes off the mans shoes one at a time and follows Lamar out of the building.

 

The bit where the guy gives Lamar acid by mistake is a bit far-fetched, I think. Nobody's that dumb.

Other than that I really like it. Pretty disturbing.

 

I'm high as shit and I thought that shit was hilarious.

 

holy shit ^^ tns me too. im fucking fucked right now man, and that shit wa fuckingggg so., funny. awesome work man, im guessing this will be the kind of movie thats hilarious when your stoned. it prolly will suck to the average sober person, but damn, this will be an amazing stoner movie. good job man, awesome work, im still laughing lolsadfjlk;

 

I'm too stoned. My vision is really shaky, but from what I read in the first two paragraphs its a fine story

 

okay its been about fifteen or twenty minutes, and I finally read it. Needless to say it kicks the old horse shit out of the bucket

 

haah
i read it really fast wich made it funnier
ohh that bong...
i think u kinda just put watever at tha end tho
GOOD ONE

 

that was some funny ass shit you should post the rest of the script when its done

 

You need to post this in the writer's forums. You would probably get some more constructive criticism.

Like I said, I think it's good so far.

 

thanks bro, I just wanted to know what real stoners thought about it before I get to the stone cold critics and Comedy conosures. so far, so good.

 

I think it's hilarious and pretty ridiculous (in a good way) but as someone else pointed out, a couple of things like the part where someone gives Lamar a hit of acid by mistake are a bit over the top even for a stoner movie, but I think it has potential.

 

I would like to think it's possible to be stoned enough to accidentally feed a 9 year-old 2 hits of acid. I smoked an ounce with a 9 year-old and his mother one night. I was so high I put a bag of popcorn in the microwave for 10 minutes and it caught on fire.

 

so, should I take it out or keep it in? the part about the acid, I know it's a little over the top but, I wanted Lamar to go through this crazy drug experience that completely turns him out and JoJo(the guy who gives him the acid) is a fucking moron. c'mon votes to keep it in or take it out.

 

I think you should keep it in.

 

keep it in.

 

that was hilarious..& im not even stoned!

 

keep the acid in. yeah, its a little over the top in a realistic situation, but so what. I think its pretty damn hilarious, and definitely adds to the fact that this nine-year-old is having such a huge experience with drugs when hes... well, nine. hahhaaa yeah I think this is pretty funny. not to say this would really be funny if it happened to a 9 yr old, but its a movie, so go for it.

 

what stoner in their right mind (or stoned mind for that matter) would tell him to leave a part about acid out of his story. Not one I can think of.

 

Not me. Leave it in there hyphy.

I thought it was hilarious and I'd go see it. Good shit.