Naked Lunch revisited

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please don't...

 

It's like this, heywood: If you don't like it, don't open the thread again. You ought to be able to figure that out with a little effort.

However I haven't developed a story line here yet. I'll continue when ready.

 

yeah I gotta say the dialogue is like some early 1960's dude saying
"yeah hepcat thats hip to the beat ya dig dadyo"?

to which my reply is and always was - and will be - just write like you know not how you think teenage kids will dig ya 4 - get wham sayin bruv ya geddit yeah ? fockin whappen dere mon if ya writre like it agen we may have to get dem ta cut yo career short brov

ok daddyo get back yo your groovy beat

 

Sorry Ronald, I don't live in twenty-first century U.K.

Now I have to admit that I'm changing my speech, as the narrator, because this narrator is not an upper middle class or educated individual. You want me to narrate from a biker's point of view while sounding like the Oxford English Dictionary? Also I have owned bikes and hung out with bikers (Grim Reapers M.C.) and I have done some heavy drugs and I have even done a little time here and there, so I think the language I'm using isn't as far off as you make it out to be.

Also I'm certainly willing to read and critically review your efforts, in the event you come up with any.

 

ok daddyo - but dont blame me if all them hep cats today arent hip to the groove

I would but I cant be bothered these days I have done most ly what I want with language and have now transformed to video and images and sound

 

Ronald:
You're making a valid point, in your own way, which we've all come to know so well.

My piece suffers from including both "narrator as real person" and "narrator as hallucinator and dreamer". As a hallucinator and dreamer, the narrator says things which are more or less nonsense, don't follow rules of grammar, and don't stand the light of day in terms of rationality. This is the mode that Burroughs uses so well. You may not have read his work. As a real person, the narrator carries on ordinary conversations and deals with real issues.

The difficulty is in trying to integrate the two modes of writing into a single piece in such a way that the reader knows what the author is doing and can identify with the story telling to some extent. From what you're telling me, the transition isn't clear to the reader. Quite possibly I need a 'leader' sentence or two which guide the reader so that he can follow the transition from one mode to the next.

So, I agree, the piece does need some work, not to mention a story line, but I have to decide on a story line before I can go further with it.

 

I don't see how a story line is what you are looking for if you are trying to imitate Burroughs
I also don't see how your piece resembles his work in anyway

sorry, but his quality of writing was way above yours
he created vivid new worlds, he drew you in with dark gloomy descriptions
your story was quite typical, and to be honest, boring
I don't like Burroughs very much really, but I'd definitely go for the original in this case

 

I'm kinda with Duck here. I don't get why you've tried to imply the Burroughs connection. There isn't one. It's not even particularly a criticism of the writing, I just don't understand why you've tried to associate it with Naked Lunch or with Burroughs. Maybe you'll develop it, but to be honest, you'd do better writing it without the title. If it weren't for that, it would probably be a lot more readable; with it included, it seems like a tawdry cash-in, and it'd be a shame if that coloured our perceptions of your writing.

 

One thing I can do is re-write it to drop the "narrator as real person" and stick to "narrator as hallucinator." Like I say, I was trying to include both in a single piece. But then I should move the thread to the "Does anyone speak Hippie Babble anymore" thread. Besides, you folks would only write back and tell me my hallucinations are boring, like watching a video of two obese people fucking, or like watching Ronald try to put two consecutive sentences together.

As far as SelfControl calling himself an idiot goes (see left side of post description), I have no comment whatsoever.

As far as use of the phrase Naked Lunch is concerned, once I post a thread I am not allowed to delete it or change its title, so far as I know. These people who run this website are wise beyond imagining. (Read between the lines.)

Today's Groaner:
Q: What do you get when you cross an aspiring writer with a U.K. skinhead?
A: Ronald Duck!

 

I'm mostly upset because you are BEGGING us to compare your writing to Burroughs, when it obviously hasn't got the wit, the satire or the originality. All it has is the rhythm, maybe... but not really... and most of the now-cliche bits about drug meets.

HOW can it be a good idea to set it in fucking ALBERTA and call it 'Naked Lunch Revisited'?? Really, it's embarrassing... it invites a kind of scrutiny that you honestly can't afford-- so why not just call it 'Ulysses' Wake'???

 

Dirty Dog you should write better like back in the good old days before you spent your entire life following me around hip forums to bash my head in. also can you not make it really silly because there is absolutely nothing worth reading these days unless it is totally absurd. I really liked my parody of your story but where the climbers are so camp they stop for two days at 200 yards from the hotel to fix a broken finger nail. I based the characters on people in hipforums who just come across as complete fags at times and are total lamers in political arguments

I am writing an epic of absurdity right now called Lock Stock and two smoking testicles
about a geezer who shags his way to fame, mainly with Sharon Osbourne but also a few others like Carol Thatcher, Paris Hilton, etc. anyway it will involve most of those famous rich women who are talentless shits and made it off their family name -

 

To be fair, the writer didn't specify that it was being revisited well.

Y'all need to get writing The Bible II.

 

The Bible II should definitely be written in the first person.

 

Second person > first person, because it immediately evokes Choose Your Own Adventure books.

In the beginning, you create the Earth. If you would like to create Man and Woman simultaneously as a hermaphrodite, turn to Genesis 3:16. If you would like to make Man first and then create Woman from his rib, turn to Genesis 5:28.

 

is aspiring writer a good thing or bad thing?
cause I was quite proud of the title :tongue:

 

Dirty dog is a 15 year old spotty herbert, and is always looking for ways to poke fun at me.

Well har har har mr spottydog everyone agrees that this time it would be best if you got this story wrote it down - put it in a tin can - took it to a can crusher then buried it at the lowesdt reach of the deepest mineral mine in the world and on the way out brought down trhe whole mine with a trillion tons of explosive

what do you get if you cross dirtydog with a proper professional writer
new improved dirtydog

 

Heywood:
I apologize for daring to assume that anything weird or hallucinogenic could be set in Alberta. It has to be in New York City, the Mayan jungle, or Tangiers, right?

SelfControl:
So it's not very good. So sue me. I am waiting to read more of your work.

Duck:
Aspiring writer is a good thing. It might keep you home at night and out of trouble.

Of course, I haven't put a homosexual slant on the piece, as Burroughs would. That's more in R.M.'s department, I think. Nor do I want to put too much raw sex or BDSM into it -- the hipforum free speech police might ban me.

 

I think you have me confused with someone else. I didn't say that it was bad, just that I didn't understand why you'd associate it with Burroughs, when the only connection is drugs. Quite a few people have taken drugs and written about it, funnily enough. I was just unsure if maybe you didn't feel your writing could stand on its own two feet.

Fixed. Would you like me to write some for you?

 

why didnt you just do brideshead re-revisited instead so we didnt have to have this thread milked to the nth degree?

Ok heres how it should have gone DD

really just stick to being Stephen King its what you do best. and old Julian Clarey who posts here I am fairly certain, as Self Control will rewrite your work so it has plenty of man on man action just like he says

Originally Posted by dirtydog
Of course, I haven't put a homosexual slant on the piece, as Burroughs would. That's because I'm too scared to even try it.

SC
Fixed. Would you like me to write some for you?