Newbie, married to conservative wife...ug

Going on 10 years. To be honest my sexlife is pretty nonexistant. I would be up for anything while my wife is completely conservative and thinks most everything is "gross."

Cool site and I am sooo jealous of some of the experiences on here.

 

Why did you get married?

 

Is this something new or has it always been non existent

 

Steady decline with the usual excuses....busy, kids, etc. She has pretty much every other great quality, just not so good or interested in sex. I'd not looking for a gang bang but a little opening of the mind can be a good thing.

 

Ahhh the usual excuses.

Now before you start yelling at her for killing your sexual identity I recommend a few things I see/hear many people recommend when the sex is going down hill.


1) Try to spice things up. (maybe the old rump in the sack isnt getting her blood flowing like it used to.)
2) Try setting up bubble baths, candles, roses, wine etc etc.
3) Try teasing her, im sure she has desires too.
4) Maybe she is stressed, try taking a load off her (and later on LOL PUN) so that
she has some free time to relax. Maybe this will get horny.

All in all try doing EVERYTHING YOU CAN first to get her to be the sex tiger you want her to be. Now if that doesnt work sit her down and talk to her about it because sex is a big part of a relationship.
And if she gets mad and tries to twist it around on you then at least you can defend yourself and name off all the things you have been trying to do to spice it up.

 

I guess, it's pretty obvious. The usual married dodginess.

 

Welcome to marriage or any long term relationship OP.

 

Romance her like you're both 19 again you can't talk her into it, you have to put her in a state of being where she wants it as much as you. Maybe it's time to approach the issue of why doesn't she feel sexy anymore? Are you making her feel sexy, and like sex is important? And what's important to you, is important to you both?

 

leave her.............. you have only one life... enjoy it....

 

Romance her and also make sure she isn't stressed, like someone mentioned above. If she's running around from morning tonight working, cleaning, cooking, and taking care of kids she probably just wants to go to sleep at night

 

Get a new wife.

 

Hey you'll always have the missionary position... always.

 

If she has always been conservative when it comes to sex and it is just becoming less and less of the normal stuff as well then I really don't think there is anything out there that is going to change that. If your marriage crashes like most of them like this do then make sure the next lady you are with is a sexual person right of the bat if that is importent to you. I know it is to me so I made sure I did it right this time around.

 

First of all, OP, welcome to the Forum!!

Secondly, I agree with what the majority said. I esp like the words Mr. Writer used when he said "put her in that stage where she wants it as much as you do," (I'm paraphrasing..)

But I agree, I think if you get her in the mood *cough* kissing *cough* oral!

 

If you are 39 i assume she is in her 30s. Very unlikely she doesnt get horny, near impossible in fact.

And if 20 years from now you finally find out there were girlfriends all along, or older guys that treat her like her daddy. I.e it was all bullshit.......then what?

Acting too conservative? The best place to hide is right in plain site.

Seriously, i dont understand how you guys fall for all this shit

 

Interesting topic!

Sex is a healing thing and does wonders for your happiness, so you ask why a person wouldn't chose this?

There must be reasons?
Some women don't give sex freely as they see it as a weapon or a trading chip.

 

Need to see what SHE might say from her side. You have one issue--lack of sex. She may have many issues. What could they be?

 

"If you are 39 i assume she is in her 30s."

Amongst people i work with in that age group and a little older i have found a few surprises.
Firstly men think very differently from women.
Women seem , even when children are involved to be less concerned about having a partner or a husband , many seem to drive the man away and are intent to be on their own regardless of the difficulties.
This really shocked me .
Professional women may see a man as being less desirable than we might think?
Again it was odd that reconciliation wasn't something high on their list, nor was sex.

Men on the other hand seem to have very different needs.
Women talked more about shopping , eating and TV.

 

Lol @ all the bitter "welcome to long term relationships" posts.

Listen, I don't care how long you've been together. Sex never has to be boring or non-existent. I don't know what your personal life is life, and I'm not saying you don't already do these things, but here are my suggestions.

1. Do things that are ONLY for her benefit. Like giving her a massage, but don't try to get frisky unless she leads you that way. Show her you're not just concerned about getting it on, but that you also care about her.

2. Date nights. Sooooo important. Get a sitter for the kids and spend time alone. It's so easy to get caught up in being parents, that you can forget that you're also a couple. Even if it's just once a month. It doesn't have to be a grand gesture or anything. Get ice cream and go walk the park, go to a paint-your-own pottery place, if you have dogs take them to the dog park. Basically, anything that will include a lot of conversation. Also, NO talk about the kids.

3. Chivalry. Now, I'm probably going to have people that disagree with this, but a little chivalry can go a long way. Open doors, be polite..

4. If all else fails, get cheesy. Write her little notes and leave them where she'll find them. Compliment her. Tell her she's pretty and why. Tell her things she does with the house/kids/etc that you appreciate.

Edit: One more- even if she is conservative, MASTER the things she does let you do. Blowing her mind in those areas, will make her more prone to open up and try new things.

Moral of the story: Get inside her head and make her want you.

 

Mama,

are you saying you found my post bitter?

What i said was an account of what i have observed in some women .
I don't actually understand why some women get hung up and are disinterested in sex, it also seems that it is the man's responsibility to salvage the sex life.