Not wanting to be gay?

So I've recently come to admitt to myself that I'm a lesbian. I mean, I still look at guys and think they're cute but I'm never truly attracted to them the way I am to girls. For the most part, I'm proud to be gay and I help head up the GSA in my school. I think equality and acceptance for gay people is so important and when I hear people talking about exodus programs I feel kind of sick. Yet here's my catch... I have these dreams of growing up, getting married, and having kids of my own. This doesn't quite fit with being gay. I want a husband and a "normal" (not that anything is really normal) suburban life. I want to raise my kids in the same town I live in now where being gay is only sort of accepted so yeah...I don't know what to think. For the short term, I'm so happy being gay, but in the long run, I know it will never make me truly happy. Any one ever feel this way? I mean, I'll take any advice, suggestions, etc. And any one else who feels this way...I put my heart out to you.

 

Yeah I totally know what you mean. Since realizing that I'm gay, I've felt that being gay, I'll always be kind of set aside from the mainstream. But I mean I'm just going to have to live with it. I think I can deal with not being mainstream. As long as I have friends that are supportive and caring, I think I'll be all set.

That's kind of my philosophy on life right now - don't worry about things that you can't really fix. It's saved me a lot of worrying.

 

I am....and I have 4 kids...5 grandbabies...and have been with a man for 26 years now, he and I are verry dear friends. It can be done !!!

 

I don't quite understand...

 

Ive been gay my whole life...but I wanted kids...so I married my best friend who knew what I was...and we been together 26 years now. When I want to, I have a girlfriend...and he has his own. But it takes a verry good guy to allow a relationship like ours .

 

that is absolutely wonderful. i am so glad so you found a situation that works. this is such a difficult situation that many people find themselves in. people lie to themselves and their partners trying to achieve the family they want. most of the time the results are horrific: destroyed families, ugly custody battles, etc. i am so please to know this can be worked out in an amicable manner.

hopefully x09seemssofar, you can achieve your goals by finding a situation similar to erzebet1961.

good luck and peace baby.

 

Ah yes, I do that sometimes too...

But then at the same time I'm always very unhappy with the idea of suddenly one day magically being straight...I just consider it a part of who I am and would hate to suddenly "lose it".

I think in the long-term, you can still very easily be happy this way. Things change, dreams change, people adapt to their situation: I'm sure something wonderful will come along if you let it.

 

That's a very profound thing to say, Tree - you're very wise for your years...I truly believe that everyone has something wonderful that will come along...

 

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Wow, I had no idea, I thought you were bisexual but being gay and marrying your best friend! Thats inspirational, you're both incredible people to have that kind of relationship.

 

How do your kids feel about the situation?

 

Our kids are wonderful all but one is married ...with kids of their own...my youngest, a boy...went through his own bit of wondering if he were bi or straight..but now has a wonderful girlfriend. We lived as normal marrieds...if I had a girlfriend..in front of our kids it was kept just friendly..they were never exposed to the sexual aspect, so really, they grew up in a typical house hold...

 

Kudos to you. You're an inspiration.

 

No baby....im just like everybody else...nothing special.

 

Well, I'd like to say something inspirational. But, reading all of this I have to say I've lived a lie for most, okay all, of my life.

My sisters, friends and present partner know I'm Bi. My mother once told me she'd kill herself if she ever thought I was gay (not a woman prone to drama) and my kids don't know, so I'm basically totally dishonest.

I just get on with that in a functional way most of the time. I fancy women and men and fantasise about both, I've had serious partners of both sexes. Maybe what I'm doing is wrong but the best piece of advide I can give to anybody is to be yourself.

Yopu don't have to shout it from the rooftops, if you want to be private, be private, if you want to tell a few people, then do. It's your life, don't let it get hi-jacked by anyone elses agenda or rules.

Basically, I believe we all know the right answer in our hearts, we just prefer it if someone else confirms our views