One of those Getting to know you threads lol

Hi I just recently joined this forum- I'm a stoner chick, and also quite familiar with the benzos, I have alot of valium but never had the urge to abuse it thank god.. Had my first opiate experience last week with a buddy of mine who got me a 30 mg Roxy- I railed the entire thing over a period of about 3 hoours- other that Vicodin for like, tooth things, snorting this 30mg roxy broke my opiate cherry and it was truly heaven!! I don't want to get caught up in any addiction,my question is if you only do it on occaison like once a month than can you still build a tolerance? My buddy railed 5 i don't know how how did it lol!
but anyway I'm from central pa, i'm 29 i would love to get to know everyone!Oh and I'm a total cynic! lol

 

Rewind a few years. Sounds like my first experience. But I never got addicted.

If you really did love it, i wouldn't do it again. Just my opinion.

and oh ya, Nice to meet you.

 

you shouldn't have any issues with tolerance if you only use once a month. But oxycodone is one of the most addictive substances in existence IMO. so if you have any concern about becoming addicted, keeping it occasional is very wise.

Welcome to the forums :sunny:

 

If you can truely keep it to once a month then you have a gift as rare as it gets. That roxy must have felt like heaven as I clearly remember my first time. Now that you have had a taste, you are gonna have to work hard at not wanting that feeling more and more. I wish you good luck, I do know one or two people who say they only indulge 1-2 a month, but for the life of me, I have no idea how they do it!!!

Also, Welcome to the Opiate Forum Hun, enjoy your stay!!!

 

right down the road, im in northern maryland about 30 minutes from york...

 

Thank you! To be honest, i am probably the worst person in the WORLD addictive personality wise- and ive always known that opiates would be my drug of choice because of my temperatment- i went through SEVERE, SEVERE sexual trauma ages ago (I'm 29), and ever since I've been a compulsive sex addict when I'm single- and I can honestly say that the feeling i had on Roxy was better than sex. I could never control it, i just wish i could stop being so damn fascinated with it. Thankfully no connections. and friend I did it with doesn't it- the purchase was a fluke- no consistent source, but it is frightening to hear how fast tolernance builds!

 

!!!
maybe she'll bone u dude!!!

 

You see, there are two kinds of lost souls....

those that Read Dostoevsky and struggle with their souls and their decisions...

and then there is TheProdigy619 *sigh *

 

thank you and thank you for your wise words my friend!

 

Hi. I am originally from Quarryville, PA, south of Lancaster, so I am familiar with Harrisburg. In fact, my jazz band just played a gig at the Hilton there with jazz pianist Steve Rudolph.

I also love opioids. I currently take low-dose Suboxone daily as an off-label treatment for my treatment-resistant Bipolar Depression. I have Bipolar Schizoaffective Disorder and nothing else helps with the depressive phases.

 

HEY! Thank you for writing me- add me as a friend too so I can talk to you ok? because I've been dealing with shrinks all my life and I joined an opiate forum so I finally have a place to talk freely- even my alcoholic friends who do the occaisonal line of coke have never understood my fasciation with opiates because they have never understood my mental illness. I have rapid cycling Bi Polar II,, Dissociative Dissorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, PTSD- and the prob with Bi Polar II is I don't have manic phases- I have hypo manic phases where I'll get in over my head with really odd and over the top decisions (enroll in college , start a new job, basicially just NOT be sucuidal), and then only for like a month, but that only happens like twice a year- the rest of the year i'm in SEVERE SEVERE DYSPHORIA- is that how you are? I do have a compassionate psychiatrist in the King of Prussia area

 

Oh also are you bi polar one or too- because my bi polar II has been treatment resistant- i'm already on off-label treatment for it - Topomax 200 mg - BUT- the topomax DOES NOT WORK UNLESS COMBINED WITH POT AND 40 MG VALIUM- and when I say pot- I'm talking$1,000 a month- maybe having a perscription for suboxone would be cheaper i mean i have health insurance,
and I'm not exageratting on the pot price guys- sadly i smoke 2 ozs of Kind bud a month

 

I am Bipolar Type I but the Schizoaffective variety. So my manic states are more on the psychotic, paranoia/delusions side rather than a euphoric or hyperactive side. With regards to pot, I used to smoke about once a week, but it actually made my BP symptoms worse. It really revved up my paranoia and even helped feed auditory hallucinations (hearing your voice being called in a sinister manner by just hearing things like the air conditioner running or a vacuum cleaner, weird shit). For me, it was the opioids and to lesser extent, the psychostimualnts. I am also prescribed Vyvanse (a form of dextroamphetamine) for both my depression AND the cognitive dterioration I experience as a result of the schizophrenic symptoms. I am quite intelligent, so i do anything I can to keep my mind sharp. Both the stimulants and Suboxone are legally prescribed.

Explain your symptoms more and perhaps I can give you some ideas as I have dealt with some form of the illness (I WAS BP II from age 10-18) since like age 7. I also have a form of Borderline Personality Disorder, but the doctor just calls it "my personality problems" as to not label it. For that, I found that honest self reflection and reading books on Dialectical Therapy (however, I didn't GO to Dialectical Therapy) and Rational Emotive Therapy helped that. I have a feeling you could cut back on the Diazepam big time if you got that under control. I know I lowered my Clonazepam dose big-time once i had my " Ah-Ha" moment with that.

 

very interesting- my borderline diagnosis is simply to just what they use to describe my temperament ever since my sexual abuse which is moody to say the least- i come across in person as super "upbeat" i'm intensely talkative, have an intense libido, I can only hold a job for a maximum of about 4-6 months because then my depression becomes so severe I can't "fake" the happy me anymore- I leave my job without notice- go into a severely dysphoric dissociative state, engage myself in dangerous situations but with absolutely no fear or worry of death because btwn the valium, pot and my own attitude after all the abuse ive been through, I've realized, there's no use in trying to be safe, in something is coming to get you, it will find you wherever you are, and then after about a month or two of this, I get another job, and the whole pattern starts up again- previous to my PTSD I dealt with things the opposite way- TOTAL CONTROL- by dieting/exercising (NOT BULLIMIA OR ANOREXIA)- but i'm 5'7 and got myself down to 100 lbs and was an EXTREME over achiever at school even went to college a year early and won numerous awards- ANYTHING to make my parents proud of me... lots of history- but even back then I had the classic Bi Polar II symptoms - but after I was raped the first time- something changed chemically and i subsequently was gang raped 2 years later and put in the hospital- my life has been very rough bec my parents set me up with a very cruel therapist who brainwashed me into believing me i deserved what happened to me- driving me to a suicide attempt etc- I have spent the last 10 years surviving and believing it or not now, tho unemployed, I do have a psychiatrist who is compassionate and wants to help - I have your classic INTENSELY DYSPHORIC, self destructive symptoms, and the Dissociative Disorder began about 2 years ago when I was at an all time low and now has become an intrinsic part of my dysphoria- pretty amazing I stuck to weed all this time- and it was my psychiatrist who put me on the valium and off label Topamax for my Bi Polar II to REPLACE the weed so i could save $, but i'm not saving shit because THOSE MEDS ONLY WORK WITH WEED- so what should I suggest to him? He is open to suggestions he is the best doctor I've ever worked with- he is the only psychiatrist who doesn't judge me for smoking pot, and he is a compassionate and loving soul- i normally HATE doctors- they are smug fucks for the most part- in fact i don't even have a family practice right now because at the last one i went to for two broken ribs, the dr was rude to me, I caLLED him a narcissistic asshole and was thrown out of the practice lol! but i do have my psychiatrist.

 

That is good that you have a psychiatrist that you can work with as a partner rather than as an authority figure. My psychiatrist is the same way. I am sticking with him until he retires!

It sounds like you had a nasty experience with a therapist. I ALSO have experienced this. I have gone through 7 therapists in 10 years. The last guy really screwed with my head, insulting me blatently and doing all sorts of unethical type of things. I just plain left one day and told my psychiatrist that the therapist was a nut-job, and he believed me, so that is cool. Luckily, not too much brainwashing went on. That is when I got really in-to doing my OWN personal self-psychotherapy, like I described. I think for your experiences, which, like mine, are a combination of BOTH biological mental illness (bipolar, etc.) AND real life bad experiences (abuse in your case, a lack of appreciation and love for anything besides my academic prowess in my case) that combine to give the end product.

You sound a lot like where I was about a year ago. I was on meds that worked- sort of. Like you, they only really helped if I took an 'unapproved drug' with it. In your case, it is the pot. In my case, a year ago, it was the escalation of using opioids for migraines to buying them offline in massive quantities. Like you, I could only even BEGIN to function if I had both the meds and the Tramadol (or Hydrocodone) in my blood.

Once I really spent time deeply evaluating my belief system and realizing that it was getting me nowhere, and that I could CHOOSE how I react to situations, things started to change for the better. And getting on the low dose of Suboxone has helped as well. I have been able to go from taking 15mg Zyprexa, 3mg Klonopin, 400mg Lamictal, 1200mg Trileptal, 1500mg Lithium, 30mg Adderall, 300mg Effexor, and "unapproved" 400-600mg of Tramadol per day (holy shit, I don't know how I am not brain dead) to now taking 7.5mg Zyprexa, 1mg Klonopin, 30mg Vyvanse, 225mg Effexor, and 4mg Suboxone per day, which is WAY less. Don't worry, things CAN get better.

My immediate suggestion is to buy the following two books, either as e-books or hard copies: A Guide To Rational Living: Ellis and Harper and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Workbook for Bipolar Disorder (I forget the author). Read them with an open mind and work on that material. Also, look into the many medicines out there that might work for you. Have you tried adding an SNRI antidepressant (like Cymbalta) before? They are better for bipolars than the SSRI's. Also, there is Lyrica and Neurontin, which are powerful anti-anxiety agents used by many bp-ers that don't cause weight gain. I am assuming you are on Topomax b/c it is one of the few meds in that class that doesn't cause weight gain. Am I correct? Many other (good meds) cause weight gain, but one to look into is Seroquel, which at lower doses is amazing at chilling you out and lifting your mood without causing weight gain. Also, look into getting pot that has less THC and more CBD in it. That ratio is better for anxiety relief. It is your choice to continue smoking or not. I know that pot messes with me, but I know it helps other people with BP. Up to you.

Keep the discussion going.

 

You know it's very interesting to me- we seem to find relief in the OPPOSITE meds- and that would make sense since you have bipolar I and I have bipolar II

Example- I was perscribed 150 mg Effexor 6 yrs ago, it has done NOTHING for me, I'm only still on it bc detoxing off it has been impossible so far

I am on 200 mg Topax daily
30 mg Valium daily
and then the pot daily these three combos have been the ONLY things that have relieved me from cutting myself or acting out to the point of psychosis or having anxiety attacks- only things that have worked in TEN YEARS- also relieves my severe OCD Symptoms but these things barely help with the PTSD and still are not enough to help during my SEVERE DEPRESSIVE STATES- I've done alot of dbt in the past, but unfortunately with alot of counselors who did not perhaps do it in the most gentle or understanding way.

and I've tried: Risperdal (no help AT ALL) abilify (got EXTREMELY SICK), Wellbutrin (Nearly died had such a bad reaction), geodeon, zyprexa, depakote, lithium, neurontin (which helped a bit and led to the topamax) , ativan which, once it was out of my system I got really nasty, klonepin did NOTHING for me, valiums been the best benzo so far, but Tramadal does nothing for me- i can't feel a thing- the roxy was the most heavenly experience I ever had lol

 

Oh and i tried adderall and all it did was ruin my pot high- i didnt enjoy that at all either lol!

 

Sounds like you should do what I did and start looking for a Suboxone doctor that will take you on as off-label treatment for treatment-resistant depression, then. I still suggest getting that Rational Living book I mentioned. Just read it with an open mind, and don't think about your past negative experience with therapists.

 

spot on about the thc and cbd, just saw that in a history channel thing the other day, they filtered out the cbd and had just thc and the girl that was being interviewed was getting sketchy and had to stop, but witht cbd she was "ok" lol.....nice advice!!1! dunno if all stoners know that, im not a weed person, ill schmoke but im not as well versed in it as opiates..

 

Basically Sativa weed right guys? I have NO control over what comes in!