My dad called me today, it wasn't a pleasant conversation. It does never be a good conversation for me when talking to him. He gave me a tragic childhood, mentally and physically abused my mother. I could even see that he would rape me if my mother didn't take me away from him when I was 7. My father thought I was too small to remember what he had done to me. But I remember everything. After divorced my mother raised me up with her bare hands, she taught me unconditional love and respect. Since the day we left my dad, he felt he loosed and my mom won, so he would call or meet me every few months or every few years. He keeps telling me that my mom's evil, slut, my mom's relatives are bad, worse, losers, useless, they should die, blah blah blah... at last, he'd gave some money to show his mercy ness and fatherhood and love. Since I was grad a few months ago my dad started to call me every week to check if I got a job or not. As he never have a real job, he just took $ from his sisters and friends. Now he knows that I¡¦m going to have income, he wants a share. He said he loves me so much, for so many years he gave me so much money (much??) it tells a fact that he really loves me and I should love him back. "I don't think so; I know what you've done to me when I was just a child." My father started to get mad, at the beginning he said I was affected by my evil mother and TV, I should take the responsibility for what I've said; and then he challenged me why I don't call the police, why my mother never say it out blah blah blah. He repeated it again and again and again, and then he hung up. I feel so down, I don't know why, suddenly I feel like I wasn¡¦t that strong, I¡¦m not able to defeat him... On the other hand, I feel released. It's my first time to face this dark side of my life for so many years. When I arguing with my father I hardly believe that I¡¦m really say it out. I never talk about this to my mom and friends, I thought time would heal me and let this fade out from my brain. But No, in this case, only facing it heals. I don't mind to post it out, because I¡¦m not afraid of what I¡¦ve been through anymore. Though I'm a victim I won, I face it.
Given his pattern, it sounds like you've won this battle, but the war is far from over. My suggestion is to change your phone number, and make sure the new one is unlisted, in the hopes that he won't be able to find you the next time he's broke and decides to try to guilt trip you.
In terms of my father and his abusive head games, I won by cutting off contact completely. He doesn't know my address, phone number, new last name, husband, or daughter. And I feel released. I forgave him, but that doesn't mean I should put myself BACK in that situation.
It is a good thing to get it out in the open once and for all, but like the others said after that point I would cut off all contact if at all possible for the both of you to recover. Maybe later you could reconnect, but now is not the time with both of you so emotional over everything. I had a pretty bad relationship with my father as well and he really fucked me up in the head. Though I don't think he meant to. Honestly, and I'm not making excuses here, he didn't and still doesn't know any better. He was physically and emotionally and mentally abused the same way he did me. It was natural to him to call me names and put me down and beat the crap out of me. That is what he learned. I am so thankful though that I can prevent the cycle from continuing because I know that it is not normal or natural. He wants a relationship with me and he does what he can do which is only send money or buy me expensive gifts. It doesn't matter that I only require love an acceptance and pride, he can't give me those only material things. Anyway, I did cut off contact from my dad for a few years and it was worse on me than it was on him. I bottled up everything and the anger that I felt towards him I never got to express, so I would take it out on everyone around me. I'm actually supposed to see my dad shortly, and I even wonder if I'm angry anymore, or if I need to confront him. I can see he is trying and that is all I can hope for at this point. What I am saying is get what you need to off of your chest. Because just cutting all ties won't help. You will still have a lot of mixed emotions about the situation. Then I suggest seeking professional help to get you through all of the emotions you feel. Good luck. Hugs.
