Parents and smacking their children

.

 

I don;t think you being "soft". I feel the same way, I don't think people should smack their children it only breeds more hate....But some people really believe that by smacking them they child will never do it again and will obey them completly.

my mom smacked me a couple times when i was little but it only made me angery, and I actually obeyed her less. People who smack their children have usually been brought up that way by their parents.

But remember there is still good.

 

I think I was "only" spanked 3 times growing up. The last time was at age 8. I hated being spanked, I will never spank, and hate seeing other people spank their kids. I was at my friend's house once and her 3-year-old was climbing onto the couch and knocked over some clean and folded clothes. So she grabs him up and he's dangling by the arm and she smacks him as hard as she can and screams, "WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!" It freaked me out! How can people honestly think they're doing good by doing that to children?

Speed up the clock 20 years and change the roles a little and it's called spouse abuse.

 

Yea, i agree. I don't think you're being soft at all. I remember my mom hitting me a few times in the past, and it definitely only made me angry. It didn't make me do what she wanted either. It made me want to do the opposite, to get back at her almost. I will never hit my kids. I believe it only produces fear and anger, and fear and respect are not the same thing. Sure, they might not go and do that same thing again right away, but it only causes more significant problems in the long run.

 

i remember growing up w/ my parents getting divorced .. They now are after so long. But i was in between mom and dad for quite some time back and forth. And my dad never ever hit me, but on the other hand mom never hardly spent time with me and wondered why i acted out but than called me a bitch and slapped me across the face i was just furious and told her if she ever didt hat again i would kik her butt. just out of anger.

But than again i never thought before i acted to so that could of been why i was like that

 

I played the whole "dissapointed" card. Worked wonders, they did not want to get me that way. I would be hurt thus it made them feel bad and they did not want either of us to feel bad. Im a dick I know.

 

I got cracked across the ass a few times as a youngun, but, um, I was still in diapers and it was more for shock value than actually hurt (diapers apparently make good cushioning, I don't really remember it). But it wasn't overused in my case, I don't think. Some people can go nuts with it, and other parents don't knkow how to discipline their kids at all... fine balance I guess.

 

You aren't "soft" Chris, despite some debate which is pro-hitting, Pediatricians (well, the good ones) Child Psychologists, Child Developmental researchers, psychologists and about everybody else says there is no long term value, and there IS harm done by any amount of hitting.

I don't beleive in it. I don't hit my kids. Raising four of them, and they are for the most part much better adjusted than the kids of most of the hitters. There was quite a firey thread on the Parenting Forum about this, just a few weeks ago. You might want to look at it.

Yank, I have to agree with what you did as a child. A child SHOULD be dissappointed when they are physically assaulted by the people who should be teaching them things and loving them. You weren't a dick when you were a kid, I am thinking, you were responding appropriately.

 

i remember going to see somebody's house (a girl i went to school with), and i hadn't seen her in yrs so i was looking forward to seing her 3 4 kids i forget how many she has. But anyways as i walk in * at the top of her lungs she yelled Get in your room now" when the 2 almost 3 yr old came out she told him to clean up his mess he said no (fear) she smacked him hard up side the head. like 5 times. I was so upset. Me being a child lover so i said come here buddy look mama wants you to pick your toys up in here i'll help you. i made a song up of picking the toys up and the girl looked up at me and was like ya sure k miss know it all ... Well he cleaned up for me but not for her. *wonder why? But he also got a smack for cleaning up to. i swear that made me furious. She had 4 kids anything good they did she smacked them for. I cannot believe that is tolerated. Just to find out they were runing away from CAS. (bites her tongue) i swear the kids are A) gong to hate their mother when they get older

B) when they are older hit like she did
C) Cut the chain and not hit
D) Love their mom and know she has a problem
i have worked with dysfunctional families but not that bad

PG

 

pg thinku missed a option
option e) resent them for years & eventiualy learn to tolerate them

 

ya ok you got me there good one but i would never want some one to do it. i know ppl have to sometimes do it but do you know what i mean?

lol

 

as it was said a balace is needed, the toppeling towels inciedint is just stupid but from what i have seen (Not all the extensive mind you) a compleat lack of physical reinforment leads to huge brats!
My parent spanked me when appropriate and i think it really did the trick

 

I was spanked as a child, and I havent turned into an axe murderer or anything. I have never even thrown punches.....

IM glad I was disciplined as a child, it made me become what i am today.

I see people who never discipline their children, and those kids are nuisances! but Ive also seen people who go overboard with abuse.....

 

My father grew up in a house where discipline in the manner of hitting was a way of life and you know what? He still thinks that way. He still thinks he has the right to hit me at the age of 20. My parents divorced when I was 2 and I remember when I had to go and visit him my stomache would be in knots because all I could associate him with was spankings and such, luckily I didnt have to see him often. For those reasons and the the reason that no good can come from hitting I will never use spankings or such as a form of discipline with any future children I may have.

 

Frieden you post breaks my heart, I have a 20 year old daughter and the very idea of hitting an adult is repugnent. Besides being illegal, most places I believe striking an adult family member is called domestic abuse, automatic arrest.

My oldest daughter says she remembers being spanked once, the younger one never. I was a lecturer, I would talk at them, however if they attempted to walk off I would grab their arm and hold them until I had finished saying what I was going to say. They are 24 and 20 now so they tell me that I can not claim to not have used physical disipline. "The Grip" hurt and left bruises (The thumb print) I do not think I grab their arm after they were past twelve, if that late.

It isn't possible to use physical disipline without leaving marks, which is the reason for the single spanking of the oldest daughter, I left a handprint on her three year old butt, so I had to think of something else. I didn't intentionally grip their arm hard enough to bruise it was an accident.

 

Really? Research, all of it done well, shows the opposite. Physical punishment leads to distrust, confusion, fear and sneaking.

Go see the thread in Parenting about it. Plenty of HARD data to support the fact that HITTING is not only repugnant, but doesn't work in the long run. It may stop a behavior IMMEDIATELY, but the effects on that behavior are very temporary, but all it does is to teach children to not get caught and how to be a good liar and a good sneak.

Or maybe my 20 years of parenting and that B.S in Psychology and my M.S in Child Development is all wrong. <shurug>

How many kid do YOU have?

 

It makes no sense to me to teach a child not to hit, but then to hit them as a form of discipline. I wouldn't spank my children, my parents never spanked me and I always respected them and was a pretty easy child. I just don't think its nessicary.

 

Yeah, one of my pet peeves, usually in the grocery store (or the library) is "I said DON'T HIT YOUR BROTHER!" *WHACK* Yeah, that's teaching by example.

 

I don't think I ever felt more uncomfortable than watching parents hit their children in public, especially for the petty things. Sometimes, I just want to grab their children and hug them and shield them.

 

well really if you think about it the best view point would be not how many kids i have raised but my experience as a kid and how the physical aspect of my parents parenting affected me. Granted a kid who wasn’t parented using physical reinforcement methods may have turned out great, but that’s not the question of debate
And i would have to say your degrees are all wrong, First off psychology is mostly theory aka unproven (how can you prove it really). Secondly because of my own experience as a child being physical shaped and turning out fine, even now recognizing the importance of it I say again Bunk!

[font=&quot]Even if a scientist were to tell me that water would not quench my thirst I wouldn’t believe him, because I know from what I have lived[/font]