Parents consenting to teen girls overnights with Boyfriend

Question at which age if every do you let your teen have an "overnight" relationship?
Here is some background. I grew up in a home where my parents were very liberal old hippies. Their attitude was 'if you are going to have sex as a teen, we would rather you do it safely at home.' What this meant for me was becoming a sexually active girl at a very young age. I was allowed to have overnight boyfriends by age 12 or 13 and my parents were fine with it. I admit it was awkward for me and my boyfriend.
It is only now that I am older that I realize that the whole situation was very wrong. My parents though still see no problem with it. So is it appropriate to every allow your kids to have sex at home where it is "safe"?

 

When it's legal, otherwise you may find some awkward questions being asked about aiding and abetting under-age sex

 

As long as the sex is between two minors or two consenting adults, it is not against the law. Also, if the parent consents that their minor child can have sex with an adult, there is nothing the law can do unless the parents are against it. I personally have no problem with a minor having sex with another minor, but I do have reservations regarding a minor having sex with an adult only if there is such a huge age gap. Sixteen and eighteen is not a huge gap, and I find nothing wrong with a sixteen year old having sex with an eighteen year old. A twelve year old having sex with an eighteen year old, however, I am against.

 

I'm not sure what makes that safe. As a parent I can't imagine allowing someone as young as 12 to do such things. Maybe around the age of 16 but I think it'd have to be situational and as a parent I'd need to know that both children were extremely educated, respectful and cautious. Of course kids could go behind your back but I like to think that by being honest and open with my children they will share such a huge moment with me, so I can help them. I was certainly not ready at 16 to become sexual as I needed to understand things completely and it took me several years to get full knowledge of how people operate with sexual things.

I think 12 is just too young to really understand and be "safe".

 

wow having a boy stay over for sex at 12 or 13 is off the planet I think and I am very liberal.

 

I agree I am also very liberal and I think that is just plain negligent and/or ignorant of where humans are developmentally at that age.

 

when they get married and move out

 

Honestly yeah ^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I can't completely respond since my children are younger, but as a nanny it is kinda like the children I take care of are kinda my children and a lot of the children I've taken care of are between the ages of 10 and 20 now... I certainly can't imagine this situation...I think as a parent, guardian or caregiver it would seem like a necessary protection for all parties to not encourage this...

However, I understand that maybe some parents are not aware of what is happening, or they are emotionally fragile and need their children to add validity to their existence and want to be friends and the "cool" parents. Not to say anything negative about your parents in particular, but some parents are quite stuck in their own childhood...and this will probably not be popular here...but especially "old hippie" parents... I have known a few...not that all old hippies are like this...but some who have done too many drugs are possibly less mature than parents who never experienced those expansive realities.

So questioning what you experienced as a child due to your parents guidelines is tough, but necessary. You can begin to understand your parents more as adults, rather than that strange distance that exists when your view of your own development as a person gets in the way. This will likely take a few years to come to grips with it...or longer. I don't know...I'm still there myself at almost 30.

 

We did when the kids brought back a serious mate from college. our daughter tried to bring home a 1 night stand type of thing once when she was in her 20's, I stopped that pretty quick

 

Do you adhere to the double standard where it is okay for your twenty year old son to bring home a one night stand? The only reason I can think for you telling your adult daughter to not bring anyone home, regardless of whether it was a one night stand, is that she is a girl rather than a boy.

 

why would I have a double standed?

I didn't talk about the boys doing it is because they didn't try

 

No, they probably just had the one night stands at some other place, which was what your daughter should have done....walked right back out the door with him and gone to his place.

 

What if your 17 year old is gay? Do you impose a different standard then?

I venture to suggest that the general community would.

 

I don't understand what my adult children do outside my house has anything to do with me. As long as they are safe and above the law there fun is not really my business.

 

You're the little shits whe where having sex at that age. Unless your parents sat there and cheered you on, I don't think they did anything wrong. Much better to have you there and safe, if awkward, than elsewhere and possibly intoxicated, and possibly in various types of trouble.

YOU had sex, and you did not have sex with your parents.... so how the fuck are you making THEM out to be the mis-behaved ones? If you where ready to fuck, your parents disapproval is presumably NOT the foremost concern in your mind.

 

haha, apparently I am a troll now. Thanks for the bad reps Jo King. Love you too. *blows kisses*

 

hahahahahaa

 

I know that I will never allow such freedom with my own kids when I have them. But the question is one of degree. So is the age 15 or 16, never at all, I guess I'll not really figure that out until the time comes.

 

I wouldn't want my kids spending the night at a boyfriend's house unless they're 18 and it's a serious relationship. I wouldn't necessarily tell them they can have sex in my house but I kind of expect that it'd happen if I let them be alone. Horny teenagers find a way. You can't stop them from having sex, but you can still be a responsible parent by not letting them get away with it too easy. If it's too easy to find a place to have sex when you're young, you might not take the moment to think about whether becoming sexually active is something you want to do yet.

 

Perhaps this is a good incentive for moving out?

I could not give an age and my teens are 18 and 17. If they have moved away and are in a relationship when they come to visit, I would not have an issue that.

If they are 45 and still living in my basement, I may also not have an issue with it.