I was watching some channel on cable last night, at some ungodly hour in the AM When I came upon Pat Robertson and Wife/lover?(YUK)/concubine? Anyhoo.... They wuz prayin real hard that those angry supreme court justices wuz gonna get swore in so's we can have a REAL moral Amerika. Thus starts my dream.................................. I awake in my living room to find Jesus standing before me. Digger: "Jesus!" Jesus: "It is I,..my son." Digger: "Is it really you!." Jesus: "Yes,..my son." Digger: "Jesus, I have this pain in my foot,..I.." Jesus: "See a doctor!,..I have come to rid the world of sin and suffering in the name of my Father." Digger: "Ok Jesus,..I don't really have a medical plan and I,..." Jesus: "Ok,........there you go." Digger:"Oooh that feels REAL good,..thanks J.C." Jesus: "No problem,..next time see a doctor ok?" Digger: "Ok J.C.,..you got it." Jesus then bows his head and sheds seven tears for the pain and suffering and the blessings he is about to bestow upon mankinds stupidity and foolishness. Jesus: "Oh God,...not Pat Robertson again, he keeps trying to call me, ..but thankfully,.... I have call waiting. My son,..I guess Ill have to stop in to Pay Pat a visit. Fare thee well." Digger:"Thank you Jesus,..and I'm sorry for all the times I used your name in vain." Jesus: "If I only had a dollar for every time I.... oy,.....never mind." And with a beatific smile,..Jesus is gone. Pat Robertson: "Get me the White House on line 2 you idiot,....I have GOT to keep Pressure on that smilling moron,.. I didn't fund his election for nothing,..... Yes? Georgie boy? How are you today? Any newsies for me on Johnny Roberts? Be A good boy now, and tell uncle Pat all about your great big day!" Jesus: "PAT!,..PAT ROBERTSON!" Pat: "God Damnit,..DON'T DO THAT!!!!... .............Oh,... Jesus.......how come you never return my calls?" Jesus: "Pat?,....you have been a very,...VERY bad Telle-evangalist." Pat: "What?.. I'm working for the moral majority Jesus... It's what you want,...right?" Jesus: "Pat,.....Pat, Pat, Pat, Pat....................... Do you remember the time you soiled yourself?. and you asked my forgiveness after your mother beat you?" Pat: " J.C.,...Please don't bring that up now,... I think the DNC has this place bugged." Jesus: 'PAT ROBERTSON,...WHY HAVE NOT YOU THROWN THE MONEY CHANGERS FROM THE TEMPLE OF JERUSELEM, AS I HAD ASKED YOU?....IT WAS A SIMPLE THING REALLY,....BUT,...NOOO,...YOU COULDN'T DO THAT COULD YOU." Pat: "Well, Jesus,...I was in Oklahoma at the time Trying to excercise a demon from a little old lady from.........." Jesus: "Pat,...? Would you like me to give your Mother a call,...hmmmnn?" Pat: "alright,.....temple,.....Jeruselem,..... what's the exhange rate?" Jesus: "PAT!!!!!!,....MOTHER!!!!!!" Pat: "Oh,.......alright Jesus.....sheese!" Jesus: "If you do a good job Pat,...I might just forget about that hooker in Detroit." Pat: "No more hookers?" Jesus: "PAT!!!!!!" Pat: "Ok Jesus,...you win." Jesus: "I always do Pat,...in the end." I awake,...just before dawn,...almost before the light. Digger: "Aw man,...I gotta go to work again today? Je--,...wow my foot feels really good,.... I think i'm gonna have a great day,.... Have a cup of tea,... break a little bread,.... Ok,..what's on the news today. CLICK! News: "Breaking news from all over the world this morning... We have been receiving sketchy reports from Basra,..Tikrit, and all over Iraq that U.S. troops and insurgents are reporting that there is not a single gun,.. rifle,.. or improvised explosive device to be found ANYWHERE! From what we have heard from Associated Press,..the Department of Defense seems to have had entire columns of M-1 tanks and other hardware dissapear overnight. We go now to a live White House interview with Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld. Don: "I ,..... I want to eat flowers" Reporter: "Do you have any real time information on this astounding turn of events Mr. Rumsfeld?" Don: "I .....No,...no comment at this,.. or any other time,...I'm finished,..game over!" Reporter: "Are you saying the entire thing was a Game?" Don: "I feel strangely like giving all my money to the poor and downhearted,...I have no idea what has come over me,..but,... I like it!" News: "In other news, In Isreal, near Gaza,..there appears to be a giant party going on,...... Jews, Palestinians,...cooking,..EATING TOGETHER?!?!?" Jesus: "Bout time I set those fools straight." Pat Robertson: "Yes you heard me,...liquidate all the 500 Hundred Clubs assets,.... We're going to Compton California to build schools, and shelters for the homeless. Then to Detroit, then Mississippi,..Oakland!!, ONWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Lady Theresa: "Jesus,..your bleeding again." Jesus: Yea,... it does that from time to time.
To those kind souls who got what I was trying to say. Thank you. To those who did not.... "WTF"? Your kidding,.. right? Or,....on the other hand. You really dig Pat Robertsons action...........................
Yeah, good old Pat Robertson. His favorite two words are 'wrong' and 'unfair'. Something is always morally wrong to Pat. "It's WRONG ladies and gentleman, it's WRONG!!!" And always his self-pity plea that others are picking on him and his group. "It's just UNFAIR, ladies and gentleman. It's UNFAIR! It's UNFAIR!" Al Franken does a great impersonation of Pat Robertson. .
Yes,... Pat Robertson. The most (at least to us) Transparent Tele-evengelist ever to insult our intellegence. And he whines a lot for a rich guy.
