The other night I was taking a bath and my fiance just walks in and i start crying and i tell him to get out. when I walk out to get dressed I explained ot him why I cried when he walked in. when I was 13 my stepfather would walk in on me while takin a shower and just stand there looking at me and masturbating. My fiance told me that it was the past and i need to forget about it because i cant change the past. I was pissed I explained to him that when i was 11 my stepfather raped me and for five years i needed to see a psychologist. I was on anti depressants, sleeping medicine and was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder. I took my self off of the medicines and well still have problems with sleeping and flashbacks. As we get ready for bed I roll on to my side and well he just stuck his dick in me. I was like what the hell cuz we havent had sex for five months because im pregnant and he is scared he might hurt the baby. Well it didn't feel right it felt like he felt obligated to have sex with me out of pity. how fucked up is that???? (sorry for going on so many tangents) any thoughts or opinions?
Aww Im so sorry about your past experience that is awful. No one should ever go through that ever! And as for your boyfriend he prolly wanted to help you get your mind off things and felt bad...
u can have sex up to about the 7th month of pregnancy. u should watch some oprah and dr phil or something to help fix those problems. cause u might see you're not alone. that's all i've got
Hm... your boyfriend seems a little insensitive here.. and also I'm wondering how it's possible that you are in a relationship with someone and even carrying his child without him knowing about such a significant part of your life? And when you finally share.. the first thing he does is 'sticking his dick in you'? That doesn't seem like pity.. that seems just plain ignorant to your feelings! Why was there no foreplay, no comforting, no cuddling? I really hope you have a better relationship then I at the moment fear you have.. take care of yourself sis.. you're young, you've been through some horrible things and you're strong, keep that in mind! *HUG*
He's more likely a bit insensitive than pitying you. Guys don't generally pityfuck women. It's a girl thing. We're not complicated. I can appreciate that you wouldn't have told him about this stuff though. People who aren't in relationships/don't have that kind of history will happily tell you that you should base your relationship on honesty and sharing everything. But I wouldn't want to share that with myself, let alone another person. If he'd tried to fuck you in the shower that would've been worse.
he knew about all the tragic incidents that have happend in my life when we started this relationship. well theres barely ever any foreplay or cuddling or comforting if i get any of those I would be one lucky girl. But when we did have sex it felt like he had pity for me. I dont know how else to describe it. I just didn't feel right.
I think he sounds insensitive and it's not a healthy situation. You tell him you were raped and than he has sex with you without cuddling? It doesn't sound right. Either he has no idea how to act or he just doesn't care. You need to tell him what you need since you are pregnant with his child.
when i tell him what i need and want i feel extremely selfish. Even when i ask for a back rub i feel selfish. Honestly I think that cuddling, foreplay, and even massage should be an automatic thing to be given and not asked for. Cuz even wheni do ask for a back rub or foreplay i get nothing.
wow I am sorry. It should be an automatic thing especially if you are pregnant. If you want to stay with him maybe counseling would be beneficial. The guy I was previously engaged to had a horrible temper and counseling helped a bit. Personally I wouldn't be able to stay in a relationship where I didn't feel adored do you have any family you can move in with?
it's what u want, and if he can do it without feeling totally freaked about it like watersports or something i think the man should give u a massage. if fact go demand one right now. right down to a foot rub
Fallen, I agree with many of the posts here. He is being insensitive. If the source of the emotional pain you are dealing with is of a sexual nature (which it looks like it is here..) - He may have not seen the initial problem of walking in while you were showering. I walk into the bathroom while my gf is in the shower, if I need to brush my teeth or ask a question or something.. Sometimes thats when we do our "talking". I think after you explained your feelings to him, that should have been the end of it. He has to understand that he can't come barging in.. The part that threw me for a loop here, is that he just comes up and put his dick in you. I think if you needed sympathy or "pity", there were a million better ways of going about it. Fucking you was not the first thing he should have come up with. We guys don't always understand what to do with women. They are waaaaaaay more complex than we are.. But the bottom line is, if he makes you feel guilty for wanting things like a back rub or a foot rub - It's time to talk. I could swear I told you in another thread that 99.9% of the time it's the woman who controls the relationship. If he does not want to rub your back, or cuddle or take you out on a real date.. There are hundreds..Thousands of guys who'd be happy to step up to the plate and treat you right. You need to lay down some ground rules. #1 - You are not a piece of meat. #2 - If you do not look "in the mood", It's OK to try and "get you in the mood", but if that doesn't work, he has to go see Rosey Palmer. Those are a couple of good places to start. You deserve to take showers in private if that's what you like, and to be loved in the way your heart desires. You can replace him a hell of a lot easier than he'll replace you. A wiser man than me once said "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle". I hope you are feeling Ok.
thanx mike. your just what I needed a boost of self confidence and a reminder. I appreciate your reply. Can i keep you??????? Also some more help. since that happend on tuesday I have just been keeping to myself and not talking to him (even though we live together) is that wrong. I feel that if I try to explain why i havent been talking ot him that he wont understand.
Yeah. Makes you wonder about how good this relationship is, and how clueless a guy this guy is. The communication on both sides seems to be lacking. But a guy who surprises a girl with, "Hey! Here's my dick in you, good sex, ey?!" is pretty damned clueless. I know it's not proof, but a "smooth approach" like that to me makes me suspect that he in general is not too with-it in his sexual prowess... -Jeffrey
yes but that means i would have to move back to wisconsin and deall with all the bullshit that i left.
You can't use a relationship or a guy to escape life drama though especially if he is creating more drama. You need to think about what you want in a relationship and make it very clear to him and if he doesn't come through or doesn't want to go to couples therapy to deal with it than be by yourself.
I would be honored I think you need to have that talk about what is wrong. But not until *you* are ready. Maybe him taking you out on that "date" we talked about in an earlier thread might be a step in the right direction.
Yeah your right i do need to talk to him about alot of things. I just dont feel like I'm his first priority right now. Also I jsut need to get everything organized in my head and make sure i know how to explain everything ot him. And that "date" will never happen I know this for a fact. Maybe just Maybe I can talk him into taking me out.
I was just thinking.. maybe the responsibility of having a kid is freaking him out and that's why he's trying to 'escape' by not having you as his first priority. You really should talk to him about how you feel.. but also ask him how HE feels.. if he loves you and wants to be with you, be the father of your child.. than why does he act so distant? Is he worried, afraid or something? Relationship problems are often a two-way issue.. I really feel for you girl.. you should be in a better situation than this one, but unfortunately the world isn't always fair. I hope you gather some strength from this thread, with all the warmth and love in it. Although this is 'only' cyberspace, we are all here for ya sis! *snuggle*
