I lost myself by trying to control The more I failed the more I tried I didn’t know I was on a roll Subconscious played my mind I wasn’t strong enough to see How drove you away from me I wrapped myself around you I lost identity and drive My Chief Of Happiness - The title I wanted you to wear. I was inert and didn’t see I was a man you couldn’t bear Life gave me gift of you And I was grateful Then I became content It was a start of my descent I didn’t see the gift as flock of birds I shut my eyes on your true nature I shut my ears to your words The more we fell The more I used my guards Control, resentment, jealousy Became my playing cards I’ve never been a gambler or a player Not being true to myself was my slayer And then life gave me gift of pain My suite was playing evil game Ace depleted my body King took away my mind Queen boiled my emotions God! Stop this grind! I was complete and ugly wreck… A high speed train ran through red lights and… Got served reality check You poor thing, my dear wife You went through slow burning pains They sat in you for many months Like acid dripping in your veins. Decision wasn’t simple case All human matters is a maze You turned the red lights on… The train was blind and saw a haze Life gave me gift of you again You stayed and listened with your heart You didn’t run away from wreck You played a loving, tender part I’m giving up control of you I never had it in first place I’ve been silly, blind man Who is facing his disgrace I’m searching for myself I’m making sudden turn God has planted seeds in me I am to grow them and learn I’m giving up control on life Pain! Lesson! Opportunity! My actions will be only knife To carve the sense of whole unity Thoughts and actions Loyal friends As important but plateau I will be controlling them And the outcome will flow My dear lovely loving wife You perfect flower on Earth You act courageously, with force You gentle beauty give a birth Plenty, wholesome and different Nature planted seeds in you Let no one to slow you down Let your feelings guide you through I’m always nearby Burning sun or freezing snow My charming lover, trusted friend Need a help – look into sky I will come and worries go Daemons fighting still in me They will fail, and in my sole Garden with your name on it… I’m giving up control
sounds like a valiant attempt at being valiant- could it be that that is self-defeating. do not efface yourself in the background hum. it will get louder and the focus will be lost. reverse direction. shift.
