police liners...

ive had many encounters with the police (although never been arrested), and i have to say the thing that pisses me off most is their cheesy lines...

so wot r the worst lines/shit jokes uve heard from a police man?

some of mine:

"ooo bit of class C here"

"hes sharp" "no he's sharp (points to james sharpe)"

"so wots in this rolly?"

"anything shoved up your bum?" - lmao, i cant beleive the guy asked me that, its was like 7.00pm an i was in a park...why the fuck would i shove drugs up my ass lol?

 

this is one that you get every time a cop pulls you over for speeding, but it always bugs me. "Where are you going in such a hurry?" I just think 'you dick, you pulled me over, you win, stop pulling this shit'

 

"i know you think youre cool and all but that dont matter around here" : bitch ass pig

 

well one time i nearly got brought to a police station for having a perfectly legal permamnent marker in my bag, apparently it was a "tool of destruction".

 

oooohhhh.... weeeeeeeee thats some good shit...[school police]

man...your flying right now huh???[undercover cop]

were did you get this blunt wrap....i never seen one like this before....umm it smells good[police]

hey Robert Plant got any dope on you???[school police]

i got more but i can't think of them right now...

 

"so kid where do you get your drugs at?"

 

"Are you familiar with our drug dog?"
"You can tell your buddy Grant this too, if you brings marijuana into my dorm, we will find it."

 

"yo little homies...what do ya have on ya tonight?"

"do you mind if i search your pockets young man?"(fuck yes i mind...piggy)

 

hahahaha

 

"Your friend already confessed and he's blaming it all on you. Tell us your version or you'll take the whole rap."


"Confess now and we'll let you go."

"Tell us what happened and we'll tell the d.a. you helped us out and he'll go easy on you."

 

"OINK OINK"-police

 

Make my day Cop!.

 

Never go for that crap if you have any trust or layalty to your freind.
Personally everytime i got arrested i was polite to the cops... but then i raise pigs so i like the silly oink oink snooorrrt sound they make thats usually all i hear

 

"Is there a problem, officer?" "Why don't you step out of the vehicle?" -- After I heard a knock on the car window as my girl and I were hanging out in the back of her mom's SUV. Granted, it was daylight, but I figured it would be straight.

"What do you guys got for sale?" -- WTF? We're eating inside a restaraunt.

"What kind is this?" "The premium shit." "Well damn, it smells good" -- Cop wrote this kid a ticket for his bowl pack, but the kid then turned over his half of nuggets, which the pig didn't note. He smoked that shit, to be sure.

 

"you guys have been watching too many cheech and chong movies."
"haaaa you look stoned"
"what are you doing smoking seeds and stems?"

we got pulled over once and they found like 12 bottle rockets and they were gonna charge us with that too and my friend was like "didnt you ever smoke pot when you were a kid?" and only one cop said no so i was like "well did you ever light off fireworks when you were a kid?"

and my favorite remark to the cops was " i dont see what the problem is all we have is a plant your the ones with the guns."

 

You would have to be game to say that.......

 

"duhhhhh lets get some donuts!" fucking pigs

 

"people come here with their families to this park, this a place for positive things, a positive place in the community, for people to play sports and enjoy themselves, and now they have to look at your filthy ass hippies walking around smoking your fucking dope"

he didnt arrest us, he just bitched us out and laid the "you are the degregation of society, families will be shattered and the american dream dead if you continue to smoke weed" speech on us for 15 minutes.

 

he can say whatever he wants as long as he doesnt arrest you

 

"You have a real problem with society son" narc division hometown (my personal favorite)

Me in reference to some big bags of relatively harmless stuff: "At least it ain't heroin"
Head of the narcotics division: "It's just as bad." same

"Whenever we see a phish sticker on a car, we know we're getting some mushrooms, some weed.... some pcp." nys k9 (this one ranks up there with my no.1 favorite)

"You got any dead bodies in this thing?" (Points at a large rubbermaid container) narc division home town

Another good'n was when someone called the cops on me for walking down the street in the rich town next to my hometown supposedly for wearing shorts on a cold day:

"We got a call that you might be uhh, uhh... uhh cold"

Yea right you got a call that richie rich was scared that I, being some nutcase wearing shorts with a beard and long hair, was going to burglarize his ass and rape his wife. Stupid fucks.