Potential Closet Case

So...
there's this guy that I know... He almost always say hi to me and ask me how I am when we see each other... then he does this weird thing where he pats me (with his hand, he'll like pat me once on the head and then give two small pats on the shoulder). He's also hugged me once before after he was joking with me. The guy is kind of a feminine-masculine: he is not girly per se, he's more masculine (deep voice, no hand slinging, etc) but he doesn't fit into a masculine stereotype (I, however, am obviously gay with my mannerisms and my voice). He's also been married (with kids) for a long time... and is now dating other girls (and talks about girls frequently)... one of the girls he hooked up with swears up and down that she thinks that he's a closet case (she also pointed out that she felt more like a man than he is)... He's very sociable and everyone loves him... he will also comment on things about girls: that's a nice purse, oh i like your nails, etc.

So my question is... is this guy just a really friendly guy? am I reading too much into the situation? or do you think that I might be dealing with a bona fide closet case here?

I can't wait to hear your responses!

 

I'd focus more on what it means for you.

All that sounds like gossip, so you are more interested in that respect, and not really him, which means he isnt all that hot.

Feminine-Masculine is the clue, he's neither, so you automatically jump to homosexual? Asexual often gets mistaken for homosexual and this possibility never registered?

He's been married forever with kids and you want to try use the same label to describe him as you???

This sentence gives you away

So you are saying that one of the girls he had sex with told YOU she thinks he's the type thats not interested in having sex with girls.....and you seriously cant see through that?

'Pointed out' she was more a man than he is - your gal friend was just testing YOU

 

I actually do find him attractive (physically and personality wise). I am interested in him as a person; but yeah, I've always wondered about him myself but have never spoken to anyone else in the office about it (thought I was reading too much into things and didn't want to start any problems)... but I wasn't the one that brought it up: it was the girl that I was gossiping with. I actually do enjoy the attention from him though, as I haven't had very positive interactions with guys in the past...

I'm not sure if I'm understanding your use of 'asexual.' I thought it typically meant someone that wasn't interested in anything sexually (male or female). Since he's been married and sees girls, I didn't think of him as asexual (since he obviously has an interest and a desire for sex). And no, I didn't automatically jump to homosexual. I know many guys that are feminine and straight, and I know many guys that are masculine and gay... However, I was making my assumption based upon a totality of his behavior (the feminine, the touching, etc).

I know lots of married guys that consider themselves gay... and they even sleep around with other guys behind their wive's back... they use the marriage and the children as a cover up because they want to be 'normal' and have a 'normal' life (marriage, house, children, pet dog, etc). Also, 'normal' is in quotes since it's the words that I hear these guys say the most. Almost all of those guys that I know that are like this live in rural/small town settings, are religious (or raised very religious), or are in a position where their reputation could be damaged (wealthy and prominent). Also, guys can also be bi with attractions to one sex varying from time to time in intensity (my ex was like that).

No, I honestly cannot see through that... I'm not the most socially skilled person... hence why I'm posting on this forum as things like this aren't common sense to me. Why would she be 'testing' me? what would she be 'testing' me for?

Vanilla Gorilla, thank you for reading my post and giving me a response!

 

it's difficult to tell from across the internet. however, i wouldn't buy too much into what some chicks think he might me. i've met straight guys that come off so 'gay' by their mannerisms etc that it's hard to believe when they say they're 100% straight. a pat on the head, and an occasional hug doesn't make a guy gay. if he's married a girl and continues to go on to date the female sex, chances are he does that because he's into that stuff. the only way a gay guy would go on living like that was if he were in serious denial about himself.

 

so friendliness is a gay stereotype these days huh???

 

LOL! LMAO! Well... when you word it like that lol!

On a serious note though... no, friendliness is not a gay stereotype. I've had several straight guys be friendly toward me: but I have NEVER had a straight guy touch me! Ever... this guy is the only "straight" guy to ever do so... hence why I might be reading too much into it.

Thank you meridianwest! I am going to take what everyone has said on here and not read too much into it... I'm glad I came here and asked this so that I can get an unbiased answer from everyone that will bring me back down to earth lol (if that makes sense). The only reason I got on this "is he gay/bi/curious?" spree is because of the touching... I've never ever had a straight guy touch me... at all. When he first patted me: I kind of froze up and freaked out...

however... as far as gay guys in serious denial... my first boyfriend when out with three girls... had sex with all of them and even took pics of them and showed the pics to his buddies and would brag, etc.... meanwhile he was hooking up with dudes left and right... and there was me! He was actually pretty masculine himself... but when we met HE WOULD PAT ME, HUG ME, GO OUT OF HIS WAY TO SAY HI AND TOUCH ME IN SOME WAY. Hence, why I was on 'alert' about this new guy. Does that make sense? We ended four years ago... and as far as I know he's only seen guys since...

 

i've had straight guys touch me. yeah, some of them can be positively paranoid about touching another guy (usually the ones who are also paranoid about their own sexuality), but some are secure enough with themselves to express a degree of physical closeness with another man. guys do do that too, you know. some guys are more touchy-feely than others. it's not necessarily a sexual thing. i hug my friends whom i don't want to take to bed too, not just the ones i'm sexually interested in.

 

He pats you on the head??? You ever think about barking at him...that seems a bit odd to me though I don't know that it signifies anything about sexual preference. Running with the dog metaphor maybe he wants to throw you a bone?

 

^ That's so sad . I suppose one can live like that but i would be very miserable if i was in their situation.

As for your guy, I think it's impossible to tell a person's sexual orientation just by looking at their social behavior. Maybe he's straight but "in touch with his feminine side", metrosexual, very touchy-feely, just a good friend who likes to hug people. Maybe he doesn't even know himself if he's gay, straight or bi.

 

I don't see why it matters. If he is in the closet thats his decision and its not up to anyone to try and force him out. He'll come out when he's ready, it is extremely traumatic when someone is forced out. And besides, nothing you listed as evidence for his possible queerness is defining of a gay man.

 

Get him drunk get in his pants see what happens

 

straight guys don't compliment a girl unless they're trying to get laid...He's Gay