OK I have been going along on this whole "they have to own the process,you can't push them into it" trip but I am starting to think we need a different approach. I know boys are slower to get the potty thing down but jeez, he'll be 4 in January and his feelings towards the potty range from complete disinterest to screaming terror. Complicating the matter is my only previous experience was my daughter who potty trained herself completely at about 16 months and was delighted to have someplace for the poo to go besides her diaper. Not this guy. He doesn't mind stinky diapers,soggy diapers, droopy diapers,whatever. I have tried making a potty chart and letting him color on it when he goes,this worked for a while then there was a toilet leak and the noise freaked him out and he would scream ( he has some issues with sounds) but that was fixed like 6 months ago and he won't go back to using the potty. I have tried gently suggesting "how would you like to try the potty" and he replies "I don't think so,it's not for me." I've tried just picking him up and putting him on it,that's when the screaming happens. I've tried backing off the whole issue thinking when he's ready he'll do ii but now I wonder if he needs to be pushed into it. Will he eventually do this on his own?
Well, put yourself in his position: it's big, it's noisy, and when stuff goes down the hole, it doesn't come back. That's scary for some little kids. Perhaps he should take a little break from the potty, because right now, trying to make him will probably make him resist more. 3 isn't so old, potty training just takes longer for some kids than it does for others.
hey terrapin, my boy was the same way and i know we've talked about some of their other similarities so i just wanted to send you some encouraging words. my boy wasn't fully on the potty until he was 4 and then he still wet the bed until he was 7. i don't know if you do dairy, but cutting milk and cheese from his diet temporarily helped with the night time wetting, i'm sure he has all kinds of food sensitivities, so maybe you could explore food sensitivities? there's supposed to be a huge connection between that and incontinence. i also drew little storybooks for niki about him using the toilet and getting rewards. i saved one of the books, it's called 'niki poops in the toilet and gets treats', hahaha, i know, sounds silly but hey it really helped. eventually niki made up this imaginary friend who lived in his tummy and told him when he had to go to the bathroom. he is still a really funny imaginative kid, lol! so thats what worked for us- eliminating dairy, making little stories of potty success using rewards and finally just him being ready. i hope that helps a bit! kathy
my oldest was exactly the same way! She was terrified of going potty. Finally, at around her fourth birthday, she did start peeing on the potty but still wouldn't poo there. She has major food allergies/intolerances, and that played a huge role in this. She was afraid going poo on the potty would hurt her because one time she tried, she was constipated, and it hurt. Addressing the food issues was key. Once her poop wasn't painful, the potty wasn't so scary anymore. There was this one other major breakthrough that came before she'd pee on the potty. She didn't want to wear panties, made a huge fuss about it. Well, one day I asked her why, and she said to me she wanted "underwear" instead.... o-kay... so we went out and bought her some special yellow underwear. That made all the difference in the world! Still can't call them "panties" in front of her, she won't wear panties. So "underwear" it is. sometimes it's as simple as changing how you talk about things.
Don't feel bad. I'm in a similar situation. My twins turned 3 the end of May, and my twin daughter has been potty trained for several months, however, my twin son wants absolutely nothing to do with it. He likes to wear underwear, but does his business in them, takes them off, sometimes even hides them, and puts a fresh new pair on himself. If you try and put him on the potty, he usually screams and says "please mommy, no potty!", so I said the heck with that, I don't want him traumatized by the potty, no sense pushing him if he's not ready to take the step yet! I refuse to push him, despite all of the "I can't believe he's not potty trained yet" comments, because, every child is different. Sure, I can get worried at times, thinking "will he ever use the potty or what?" but I know when he's good and ready, he'll do it. He was the same way when it came to walking. My oldest son walked at 10 months, my twin daughter at 13 months, and my twin son didn't until he was almost 18.5 months old. He knew how, he just wasn't ready. So I've just taken it as part of his personality. {{{Hugs}}} and good luck!
Thanks everybody. I think part of my concern was that my mother will be down here visiting in a couple months and she is pretty critical of everything I do anyway and I was freaking out. He'll do it when he's ready.
Yeah, my in-laws have made the "What? STILL in diapers?!" thing. I told them if they think they can do better than by all means go for it. Nothing else was said after that.
They will eventually all use the potty. The inlaw thing upsets me, because you know the children can hear it. I know my MIL insisted my dh was potty traied by FIFTEEN MONTHS. Now, I don't know HOW a fifteen month baby, who had ADD and Tourette's, and was just walking could have used the potty by that age. My MIL said, "Well he didn't know when he had to go, so I just put him on when I thought he did. It was better than changing diapers." Uh, yeah, explains a lot.....When Bear and I grew up in the early 60s, pottty chairs had STRAPS on them, with buckles, so you couldn't get off,Ilike a saftey belt, I guess) and a tray, which snapped on, so the baby could color, eat, whatever, while waiting hours, maybe for a pee or a poop to come. So, just ignore what people from that generation say about using the potty, let your kids know, "Things were really different about using the Potty when Grandma was having her kids/learning the potty, so don't worry, we don't worry about when you decide to use it." I do think, that when kids hear people say hurtful things, it's good to let them know YOU do not agree with the statement. WIth MY inlaws, verbally disregarding what they say is nearly a "every visit" event. *sigh* But, our kids are worth it. When my FIL was dying, I had to take Sage in the hall, EVERY TIME we visited him at the VA hospital, because he would say something rude, or hurtful or insulting to her, or me, or about a family member of mine, or about my parenting skills. It got so that I finally just told Bear not to take her there. Kid didn't cry at the funeral, either. These people often don't realize what their attitude eventually DO to small impresionable children. Kinda OT, but potty learning is in the same boat as feeding, carrying, co-sleeping, vaxing ect, things that we may have made really different decisions, based on our children's needs and not what the neighbors or the Doctor says to do.
Luckily both of my girls picked it right up both around 14 months. My nephew took longer. They finally got him interested by letting him run around naked. They said it meant he had to put it somewhere. Never even had an accident after they started and he was wearing clothes again as soon as he was used to it. He was 4 before they tried this. It seemed to work for them.
