Preventing Feelings ... ?

I have found a new bedwarmer who is quite stellar (that is to say, he's not a jerk) ... and we are quite comfortably casual. My only problem is, I want to stay friends with benefits -- not just a glorified prostitute -- yet I also want to make sure I don't accidentally start caring about him and possibly mess the whole deal up. So any tips on how to keep my emotions at bay, would be appreciated.

 

dont be afraid. the past is past. emotions are great. fear will probably mess things up more than affection.

 

hmmm..... a hammer might do the trick.




you are human, it's okay to have feelings. It's actually part of being human that we are capable of caring for other people. Sure, some people do manage to turn off their humanity, but they live very miserable lonely lives because of it.

 

most relationships are prostitution in some form and if you are worried about developing feelings for him it sounds like it's more than friends...

 

I think the only way to feel like a whore is if you make yourself or let yourself feel like one. Why is it such a problem for women to be okay with having that friend with benefits & not feel like a slut while doing it? You are both having your needs met. Do you really think he has a problem with just being fuck buddies?

As far as keeping emotions at bay,I would suggest finding things that you don't have in common that would prevent you from becoming an exclusive item. Or avoid conversations that would allow you to see a deeper or different side of him. Maybe make the contact as short & sweet as possible: show up,get naked,fuck,clean up,bail. Or even keep the physical meetings down to say,once a week maybe.

Just speaking from experience here as to how I have kept feelings at bay for someone I only wanted a physical relationship with. Hope that helps!

 

Oh, we are both totally fine with being fuck buddies. No worry there. :X

I don't feel like a prostitute just because I have casual sex, but I tend to make myself one when I'm in situations like this -- such as, I attempt to erase myself from the gentleman's life apart from the fucking. And that makes me feel kinda bad.

This guy and I have great conversations -- I don't want to lose that. They're the basis of our friendship. Eliminate that and I have a human dildo ... not what I want.

No problem, that is about all I could stand anyway ... the young man has quite the endowment! *ahem* Plus I'd hate to lose the novelty.

No problem there either. I value my free and independent time. Again, don't want to wear out the novelty!

I just want to be able to have a great friendship plus a physical relationship with no strings. But I have the sad habit of actually growing to care about the people I bed ... and I don't want to lose my equanimity. :&

PS: We had our initial encounter yesterday ... we were rather drunk and slightly clumsy, and he accidentally hurt me to the point that I (being quite drunk) started to cry. We had a conversation afterward as though nothing had happened, and I'm fine now ... but I was planning upon calling him tomorrow or the next day to let him know I'm all right -- because I don't want him to think I don't want to try again! Is that a good idea, or should I just keep my mouth shut and cross my fingers that he will call on me again?

 

oh no you don't sound the least bit whorish. I've never had a fuck buddy in the traditional sense but things were kinda heading that way but just him not wanting to tie me down, he was not seeing anyone else. We both enjoyed the sex, I liked the attenetion and the cool places I got to see and he liked my company, great trade off for me but I just can't not fall in love with people I am sleeping with and needed a relationship. imo I think you should whore it up a bit more d:

 

I'm not worried about being a whore ... I'm worried about keeping my feelings to myself and NOT "falling in love" with my friend. (That has been bad in the past ... plus neither of us want that.)

But ... I DEFINITELY think I ought to whore it up a bit more anyway

 

As is Life, eh?

prostitution
n.

1. The act or practice of engaging in sex acts for hire.
2. The act or an instance of offering or devoting one's talent to an unworthy use or cause.

 

heheeee *hugs* or cheers d:

 

Sweet! That sums up all my relationships ... hahaha!

I love being a "ho." Now I just have to convince them to start paying me ... :X

 

why get yourself into a situation which conflicts so intensely with your instincts? You shouldn't have to TRY and stop yourself falling for someone.

 

That could also be said about my last... w/o a nanosecond of hesitation.
Oddly enough the definition is just as applicable to relationships as it is to R/L.

Whore works similarly:
whore
n.

1. A prostitute.
2. A person considered sexually promiscuous.
3. A person considered as having compromised principles for personal gain.

intr.v. whored, whoring, whores

1. To associate or have sexual relations with prostitutes or a prostitute.
2. To accept payment in exchange for sexual relations.
3. To compromise one's principles for personal gain.

Curious to see which def each of yall have in Mind... *c*

 

Maybe I'm prejudiced against the fuck-buddies kind of relationship, maybe not.

You have great sex with this person, you like his company, you have great conversations with him, obviously you care about his feelings otherwise you wouldn't be worried about potentially avoiding him, you like/love him as a friend...

It sounds to me like that is a working relationship, pretty damn similar to girlfriend/boyfriend relationship.

Why worry about your feelings? You're human, its good to have feelings. And it seems like you care about this person deeply already, if something in the relationship or with feelings happens it happens.

 

Yeah exactly. In the end of the day, you can't fight your feelings without getting hurt..

 

Dont worry, you are young. With time you will be able to use men for sex AND money and not feel a thing...

 

Hell she's old enough.

As for lack of experience,
it's certainly not due to the lack of R/L proven advice...

 

If I were to start a thread asking for advice on how to have casual sex with girls and not have any strings attached I would be bombarded with insults and eventually be called "immature."
And if I were to make a rational arguement that couldn't be countered then I'm just an asshole.
All I have to say in closing because you will do whatever you want to and I personally dont care is_
Be careful what you wish for, ya just might get it!

 

Isn't that the bloody Truth...

 

It constantly amazes me that chicks always seem to play the "if its ok for guys to do it, gals should be able to do it too". For some reason a lot of chicks seem to bitch that they aren't given the same treatment as guys, and then demand preferential treatment in the same breath. But hey most guys get the same if not worse treatment than chicks. If a chick goes into a bar on her own she stands a damn good chance of getting a drink bought for her, if a guy goes into a bar on his own, guess what - he's buying his own. I know plenty of chicks who trade on this, they go out on their own or in all female groups and get free drinks all bloody night.

It isn't ok for either chicks or guys to be shallow slutty or anything. Most guys I know have been fucked about by chicks in one way or another, and then the chick always played that guilt card, or bastardized the guy for trying to get revenge. The chicks I know who have been fucked over by guys have the idea that it is ok to get revenge on the guy.

It seriously pisses me off that so many chicks feel that it is cool for them to have double standards in relationships and in life.