Ok my husband can not get off without his hand... we are trying to get pregnant, we have one child we got pregnant the first time dont ask me how its difficult to explain. Anyhow, we have been trying for 3 months now and nothing is happening. I think its his fault because he has to use his hand and then go inside of me. I have always wanted him to just go inside of me without his hands. Help me! Any suggestions does anyone else in the world have this problem?
lost... hes just guideing his penis....or has already ejaculated and trying to go back in..and you think his sperm might not be reaching your eggs? confused...
He uses his hand until he almost goes then he goes inside of me real quick while using his hand.. we have to do weird positions to do this lol but I told you it was hard to explain.. right i dont think his sperm is reaching my eggs....
and I think blaming him for you not being pregnant is part of the problem. I have had friends that were "trying to get pregnant" and most of the husbands were miserable within a few months. Sex was no longer about sex, it was about making a baby. No pressure there! Do both of you a favor and stop TRYING to get pregnant and start having sex because you want to get laid. I am not trying to be harsh, but I have seen too many people turn sex into a miserable experience over conception. I understand your frustration, but your husband is not to blame. Nature and genetics maybe, but you are making it personal by blaming him and how he does it. Maybe he is using his hand because it is the only way his dick stays hard or he likes the extra stimulation.Could be performance anxiety. The "Man, if I don't get her pregnant this time I will never hear the end of it." Ask him why he does it. Or, better yet, put his dick in your hand and help out. (Place your fingers in an inverted V on your vagina and put them against his dick as he is inside you. Takes up less space then his hand, yet adds friction.) His sperm can reach your eggs if he cums inside you at any depth. Depth does not in any way guarantee conception. Tight underwear and tight pants are more of an issue than depth when ejaculating. Enjoy your child, and your husband....the second baby will happen.
One thing that often happens with young men is that they spend the first years of their ejacualtory career only masturbating or masturbating very frequently in comparison to other sexual stimulation. Masturbation is healthy and normal, but for some men, it becomes a fixed habit and makes orgasming through other forms of stimulation more difficult. Because the handd creates more friction and pressure than other forms of stimulation, he might need this added friction and stimulation. Try penetration positions that increase the friction and tightness such as spooning and clenching your legs slightly as he enters from behind. Other than that, like His Eden said, it likely has something to do with his mental state(not in a bad way). If he feels pressured or guilty over his lack of ability to orgasm through sex, blaming him and pressuring him won't help. Also, you are 20, and that is fairly young to start a family. While this is awesome, he might have feelings of worries about finances or his ability to be a good father/husband, which could inhibit things. It sounds like you guys have many years of happiness infront of you. When having the baby becomes a chore, you put the stability of an otherwise great relationship in jeopardy. "Enjoy your child, and your husband....the second baby will happen." is the best advice that can be given. Cheers
funny thing is though "HEEE is the one that wants the baby!" not so much me his idea... completly we have our reasons not ones that I want to tell everyone but we have our reasons why we want another child. My biggest thing is that i really just wished he didn't have to use his hand. It would be sooo much better. Not so much getting pregnant just him going without his hand its an issue for me and him. I dont tell him that because I dont want him to feel bad for not being able to go without his hand. BUt it seriously bothers me. I dont know ......
Funny how someone can want something so badly and still have anxiety about it. Just part of human nature. I respect whatever reasons you have. Anyway, try the suggestions about postions and fingers. All thebest
Does he still masturbate a lot? Abstain from all masturbation and sex for 2-4 weeks, and I will be shocked if he can't come without his hand.
Yes he does masturbate alot! I have told him not to! BUT!! Just to update everyone. Last night I screwed his brains out!! We didn't focus on concieving, we didn't even try! I gave him the best blow job ever!!! Which is his favorite. We had sex for two hours lol. It was prolly the best sex we have ever had.
Oh Amber, that's really awesome! I'm totally psyched for you. A while ago we made a conscious decision to stop thinking of sex as something that had to include intercourse all the time, just to see what would happen, and I'm glad we did. Intercourse is usually a part of it at some point anyway, but it's awfully fun to have it completely open-ended - and it kinda helps you escape from that rut couples get in. (You know the rut. First I will go down on you, then you will go down on me, then we will do it missionary for three minutes, then we will switch to doggy-style. Or whatever pattern you fall into.) Point is, I'm so strongly in favor of having sex without any preconceived notions of how it's going to end up. And I'm really, really excited for you that you're making progress, Amber. (At least, progress towards having better sex.)
Sounds like you are on the right track Love, passion, and abstaining from masturbation will prove successful, I'm sure.
Sex is so much more enjoyable for both people when it is not goal oriented (ie: conception, orgasm, etc). Sex should be a way to express your love and desire for each other, and yourselves. It also reduces stress and gives a person a sense of well being. Good to hear that you had such a wonderful time. Focus on that, and what is meant to be will happen naturally. About his "habits": Men masturbate for a variety of reasons, and it is natural and healthy for the most part (it can be done too much in some cases, but not in most). Telling him not to masturbate is not something you can really do, or should do honestly. I would suggest doing what you did last night. Don't tell him NOT to masturbate, but instead rock his world in bed and HE may decide to tone down his stroking habits. It is simple, if you tell someone not to do something that they enjoy they will end up wanting it more. When I want my husband to abstain from self pleasure I tease him a little and ask him nicely "can I take care of that for you later" and it usually works. It creates anticipation for the night, and builds sexual tension. ALWAYS follow through, meaning don't promise to satisfy him and then not do it. Most women do not get as hooked on masturbation as men do, so it is hard for them to understand why men masturbate as often as they do. Masturbation is a wonderful thing! If he has had a bad day at work he can tear off a quick one, and he has no worries about cumming too soon, in the wrong place, in the wrong way, and so on. He gets to think about him, and his pleasure. Do you masturbate? Maybe try doing it together sometime. Make it a much more open part of your sexual menu. If you are willing you could ask him to masturbate for you. Just think about how turned on he will be if you ask him "show me" and then kneel in front of him naked and say "will you cum on me, please." Since that is not a normal behavior and a little naughty it is a turn on for most men. It doesn't have to be your face, so if it bothers you get on all fours so he has a good view and ask him to cum on your ass or back. Yeah, some people may find that offensive, but it can enhance your sex life quite a bit. If I were in your situation I would forego another child until you and your husband have a happy and healthy bedroom relationship. It sounds like you are off to a great start. Relationships may not be "all about the sex" but great sex can help get you through the rough spots. It is easy to overlook that part of your marriage, especially after years together. It is also one of the top reasons people cheat, or leave the relationship. Granted kids are great, but are you in the relationship to have children? Focus on your marriage. In 10 years you will have your children, and they will have their own friends and social life. What will you have? It is time to be selfish! Create a sex life that your friends would envy! In 10 years when your kids are gone for the weekend just imagine the fun you and your husband will be having. Good luck!!! Eh, my response is long winded, and disjointed, sorry about that.
Your replies are fantastic, very educational. You're right on about male masturbation, at least in my experience. It's not only a sure bet for most men (your hand doesn't fall asleep on the couch, your hand doesn't have a headache or a period, your hand doesn't need foreplay), but it's also fast and a huge stress relief. Unfortunately, after awhile, it can become the only thing that works for you -- physically and psychologically. Another obstacle I've found is the fact that if you alwas masturbate with porn, you can become dependent on that visual stimulaton. I've had long dry spells (e.g., during my wife's pregnancies when she was just too uncomortable to get it on) where for weeks some good ol' Internet porn was all I could get. After that, back in the sack with my wife, I would find myself really needing to "watch" in order to get off. Lights on, something appealing in my face, or I wasn't much good. That never entirely goes away. I'm still VERY visual, as I suspect most men are. Oh, what fun is the penis! To paraphrase Elaine in Seinfeld: "I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."
