Puberty... eeeek!

My son is 10; almost 10 1/2 and is growing like a weed. He's grown 7 1/2" in the past year... and is currently 4'9... just 5" shorter than his shortie mama. And I guess it's high time that I realize he's about to hit puberty; we've already hit the moody preteen phase. I've got a manic beanpole that goes from moping around the house getting crabby with everyone for everything, to spastic fits of excitement without warning; I swear I need a neckbrace from the whiplash!

My husband has started taking him out once a month to go to the arcade or just out for a greasy goopy dinner "just us guys" to give him something to look forward to & they're both loving it. And the two of them are talking about going camping/fishing with my dad a couple times this summer. My husband is giving him "the talk" in phases as questions come up... he instigated it & explained the bare-bones basics, and is letting my son ask the rest as he's ready so I think we've almost got things figured out until the next phase; rebellion.

But... at what age ought I start getting a "care kit" together for my daughter? She just turned 6 so logic says I've got a good 5-6 years, but I know girls are maturing so much quicker these days too. A few years ago I had a discussion with some friends that thought weight had more to do with it than age; that the "magic number" seemed to be right around 80 pounds. Has anyone else heard that? And what would be cool to put into one?
love,
mom

 

I didn't weigh 80 lbs until about five or six years after I started menstruating...


yes, girls are entering puberty earlier and earlier as our environment and food becomes more and more polluted with estrogenic toxins. And estrogen is stored in our fat cells, so larger girls may start menstruating earlier than smaller ones. But it's not a given.

sorry can't help with your planning... I've already started talking with my girls (ages 2 and almost 5) about my pads and what I do with them and why, and how our bodies work. I always follow the rule of answering questions honestly as they arise, and not try to stifle their inquisitiveness, even if it makes me a little uncomfortable.

 

My period started when I was 9, but I was pretty well prepared for it since my family has a history of starting early. My mom started hers when she was 10 or 11 in the 60s and my grandmother started at 11 in the 40s. So genetics has as much to do with it as diet and weight. Really, whenever you notice you daughter start to develop is the absolute latest to talk about it. My mom introduced it slowly as I had questions which worked well. I wasn't freaked out or anything.

 

Good question! I have thought about this. I didn't get mine until I was 14, but it came with a vengance. My grandma said she started when she was 18! I know that my girls, ages 8 and 6, already know some about it because they don't think that the privacy in the bathroom rule applies to me because I'm just mom.


I just answer their questions as they ask me, too.

As far as a care kit? Hmmm...what would I have wanted that first time? Some pads, some ibuprofen, some icecream? A 'get out of chores until the pain becomes bearable' card?

Good question.

 

I started mine right after I turned 11. It was awful, too. My cramps were so bad, I had to go to the hospital a few times. (thankfully now that I had my daughter, they're virtually painless and light as could be )
My mom tried to give me "the talk," but it was more embarassing than anything. She sat there red-faced and stuttering while my dad peered through the crack in the door.
i like what mamaboogie said...and that's how I'm planning on doing it with my daughter. I'd start talking to your daughter now about it.

 

I recommend just talking to her honestly and answering any question she has. My mom had a policy. "If you're old enough to ask, you're old enough to know." So while I didn't start mine until I was 12, when my friends started and they DIDN'T know, I was there to calm them a bit until they went to the school nurse to go home.

As far as a care kit, have pads, ibuprofen, a hot pad, some chocolate, and a lot of hugs available. It's a scary thing, no matter how informed you are. For a moment, you sorta forget that bleeding is normal. Plus, it means you're headed for new things. What a scary time.

 

We've done that with our kids too... but my son does NOT ask personal questions though. He's always been extremely introverted. Even when he's sick, he'll just crawl onto his bed & not bother telling anyone. So we really had to actually give him "the talk" as I'm not sure he'd have ever gotten around to asking. Fortunately my daughter is much easier to talk to about things... she knows about my pads & has a good idea about what & why they're used, and has asked if she can have "clothes pads" like me instead of "crinkly" (disposable) ones like her auntie. I'm trying to be as open & honest with her as possible; I was 12, and my mom hadn't thought to discuss things with me. I remember thinking I was dying until I remembered something a friend had mentioned recently & went to ask my mom.

Ooooh, chocolate! That's a good one! And a hot pad; maybe I could make a pretty cover for one of those small hot-water bottles for her. I sleep with mine some nights. Ibuprofin won't work for us; we've got allergies like you wouldn't believe to all anti-inflammatories. But maybe I can find something like it to help

Maybe it would be best to have a "girl's night" around her 9th birthday and let her help choose what color/pattern pads she'd like. I know I want to get a couple styles for her to try, and she might have fun helping to pick. It doesn't sound like 9 should be too late... but it oughtn't be all that early either, right?

Thanks so much ladies
love,
mom

 

9 should be about right. Maybe 10, depending on how the menstrual ages run in your and your husband's family. And if you eat organically. It's my firm belief that girls are starting earlier because of all the gunk in our food. So if you're being as organic as possible, maybe 10.

And yeah, get her involved in preparing herself for when it happens. But if you do it too soon, and she doesn't get it, she might start to think badly of herself. Like expecting it and not getting it makes her not as something....You know how some girls are.

 

When I took Maddie (7) to the dr. last month for her well child visit, I asked the doc about when is average...she told me 8-15. Gee, that narrows it down! But, she did mention that girls who are on the heavier side tend to start earlier because fat has estrogen in it. Hopefully, though, Maddie will favor me-I was almost 14. She already knows what a period is and knows that one day it will happen to her. So, we've got that part covered.


I just don't see how an 8 or 9 year old is even remotely emotionally ready to handle having pms or menstruating. Oh, the doc also said the first signs of female puberty is breast buds. So, that should be a good indication...

 

Ahh, breast buds...

Unlike a lot of girls, I am almost completely flat chested when skinny, so I didn't get prominent breast buds. And I didn't start too early: 12. Even though I was overweight.

I can't imagine having a 9 year old going through this. Poor kids.

 

i was 11, and probably about 100 lbs when i started mine. My mom was kind of at a loss for words when i told her; she said "Oh! Well...i just wasn't expecting that already...OK!" LOL All i could think was YOU weren't expecting it? What about me??? haha.

As for the kit, i would throw in some stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with it, like some cool things for her hair or something, something that is womanly, but not, you know *womanly* hehe.

 

definitely! Something pretty and feminine to celebrate her passage into womanhood. Maybe something symbolic, like a moon or goddess pendant. I'd like to have some sort of ritual or ceremony when my girls start their menses, but I know if my mom had done such a thing for me I would have been terribly embarrassed by it.

 

About a year before I started menstrating, I started to have some white discharge. MAybe that is something to look for as a sign? I read later, that it comes from the hormonal changes that are taking place before menstruation even can take place. The Period is not the start of the female puberty, just the most obvious sign.

I started at 13, even though I was kinda overweight.

I love the idea about the care kit! chocolate, women's herbal tea...

 

I do like the idea of something symbolic... moons & goddesses may be a bit too much for my personal beliefs, but something like that would be great.

Well on the other hand, maybe something with moons would work? Would it be any different than our putting a Christmas tree up in December? I could explain to her the historical connection between the moon & a woman's cycles. Ohh, such confusion; I'll have to think on this. Love the idea, thanks!!!
love,
mom

 

That's a wonderful idea

My mother got us a book or two about the whole puberty thing in general, she'd have answered any questions but I prefered not to ask. Felt more empowered to learn for myself; my body, my issues, y'know.
Learnt a lot from teen magazines too, Jesus it's shocking what you can learn if you have even an inkling where to look.
So that might be good for a child who might be too shy to ask, or as a general springboard for discussion.

 

I didn't really put together anything before hand for my two girls who started. I already have pads and things in the house anyway, and they already knew what it was all about (so do the boys, for that matter).

I did have a special girls night for my daughter when she started, both started at 13, 2 years later than I did. My husband took the other kids out for the evening, and we spent the day out for lunch, watched girlie movies, ate chocolate ice cream and put on mud masks on our faces and did each others pedicures. We also made a cycle bracelet, out of beads and string. Red beads for the bleeding days, white beads for the non-bleeding days, brown beads for the chocolate craving days, pink beads for the ovulating days.
Both my girls who started got real bitchy about a year before they started their periods. Crying for no reason, slamming doors, being snarky. Mamas, a calcium/ magnesium supplement is your best friend for pre-menstrual teens! It really helps stabilize their mood swings and other symptoms.

 

magnesium really does make a huge difference. I have to take it every day or my whole family suffers the consequences

 

My daughter is 11 and has definate breast buds,we have talked about menstruation and I have given her some pads to keep in her bathroom. Honestly I am not looking forward to that time but it'll be here soon. She isn't really looking forward to it either and doesn't want to talk about that kind of stuff. I sort of remember feeling that way, they showed us a movie in like 4th grade about periods and all the girls in the movie were excited about getting it and I remember thinking they must've been nuts. Same thing reading "are you there God it's me Margeret "That has period theme too. I think I was 12 when I got mine. My stepsisters are considerably younger than me (they are in high school now,my dad the cradle-robber) and they are only one year apart in age and the younger one got hers first and was just THRILLED to be the first at something for a change.

 

Yeah, I figured I'd get a few disposable types as well... while I wear them everywhere else, I still won't bring my cloth ones on vacation. It's just a little too ookey for me still.

She will be given her own Bible when she "graduates" from the 2nd grade sunday school class, so she'll already have one in a translation I agree with long before then. But does anyone have a picture of cycle beads? Do we make it as she goes along, or all at once? How does that work? I love the idea but am a little confused about how to go about putting one together.

I had my wedding ring cut from my hand 8 years ago when I developed an allergy to metals. I'm having the 6 diamond chips re-set along with my grandmothers' solitaire stone into a new ring set for myself, and had planned on giving my daughter the large solitaire from my own wedding set... probably a whole whopping 1/7carat or so, but it's genuine & mine to give. I'd been going back and forth between giving it to her as a chastity ring, and having it set as a wedding gift for her.

And I must check these balms out. Maybe they would help ME too! I never had cramps before my pregnancy with DD but somehow she changed just about everything in my body's chemistry.

Thank you all so much My mom is just not the one to talk to about these things. She may have raised 3 girls, but she still doesn't discuss cycles well. And the fact that I want to do anything more than toss a tampon at my daughter would freak her out for sure.
love,
mom