Raising kids vegetarian?

I am not sure if this is the right forum for this but here goes:

My woman is a vegetarian. I am not. I eat very healthily though, workout, lift weights, etc... and she has never had an issue with this. I do have to cook all meat in separate pots/pans, etc... and little other things come up like I have to brush my teeth before kissing her after dinner... things like that. She doesn't mind what i eat so long as it never enters her body.

We talk a lot about how to raise kids, mostly because she comes from a broken family and I think has insecurity issues with bad parenting. Point is, she wants to raise the kids vegetarian, or at least not give them any meat products before they are old enough to understand what it is they are participating in. I am not sure whether to agree with this approach or not.

I understand vegetarians. I understand not hurting animals. I love my woman for being as caring as she is. I do not think it's morally wrong to eat meat though. I think it's possible that one day in the far future we could all end up being vegetarians.

What I don't really agree with, is indoctrinating children from birth to a philosophy that is morally ambiguous and one that 99% of the population does not adopt themselves. I lean towards the idea that our future kids should eat whatever gets put on their plate by myself OR my woman until such time as they ask why mommy does eat what daddy does and are old enough to decide for themselves.

I will use an analogy also. I am not religious at all. I believe in God but to me adopting any religion created by men is tantamount to lunacy. I think a few good history and philosophy books will produce a much more morally sound person than a Bible or a Kuran will. I also think religion encourages mob mentality type behavior which is just about the worst part about human beings.

My woman also would want to expose the children to various religions. She doesn't really identify with any religion in particular(both sets of our parents were catholic though) but would want to expose the children to religion. I understand this and accept it - but I will not participate. I told her if the kids ask why daddy doesn't go to church with them I will explain it to them and show them a history book instead.

I believe my approach to the religion issue is the way she should be approaching the vegetarian issue. I realize my view on religion is the minority, just like her view on meat is the minority. If the kids want to choose to not participate in religion it should be something they decide on their own when they are older - not be indoctrinated into my beliefs right off the bat, just like with the vegetarian thing.

I know it's cliche to say but she makes this decision based more on emotion than on logic, I believe. I understand, she will be growing this life inside her body - it's an intense experience. I will probably bend on this to make her happy if it comes to it but I feel like her view is somewhat arbitrary and just imposing her own personal choices onto her children by doing it the way she wants to do it.

Thoughts? Anyone delt with this before?

 

She, I presume, wasn't brought into the world vegetarian. If she made the choice herself later on in life for whatever reason, she should allow your children to do the same.

By actually making them vegetarian from such an early age, you may not be giving them the chance to 'make up their own minds' when they are older. Their minds may be made up before that time comes, and whether they believe in the cause or not

they would be eating vegetarian on their mothers terms, and not theirs.

 

This is my point exactly and what I have explained to her already but the emotional side of her is overriding the logical. I have not been able to present it in a convincing enough way yet.

 

You shouldn't have to present in to her in any way. You don't want it, so a compromise must be agreed upon.

You should explain you want your children to think for themselves. I mean, does your partner chain herself to trees because the rainforest is being cut down? She should be, because that's really dreadful too.

And remember, as you said 99.9% of people do choose to eat meat. What happens if they go to school and watch over kids eating the stuff? What happens if they try it, they are too young to understand the moral questioning of their parent

they might end up resenting it, and resenting their mothers decision to act out for them.

 

well...I think eating vegetarian and raising a vegetarian child is different than indoctrinating your child with a religion from birth on. The difference between raising a child veg and raising a child with a religion is that religion is all faith based mumbo jumbo....while vegetarianism is a tangible philosophy developed by those who view animals to be equivelant to humans and find it morally wrong to eat anothers flesh [or at least thats why Im veg...I know other people go veg for different reasons] Of course...being veg and raising a veg child makes my view on this a biased one...However I think teaching your children compassion from birth on and teaching them to not harm other living things through action and by being concious of what they put into their mouths is a strong life lesson that all children can benefit from. I tell my daughter that she is free to eat meat when at a friends house or when out with her grandparents...however in the home we respect all living things and have a meat free home. Even though I give her permission to explore different foods when with others she doesnt. My daughter is a very compassionate person who now has high hopes of being a veterinarian and a farmer. Had I raised her to be desensitized to eating meat I dont think she'd have such a strong connection and love for animals as she does.
I do not think that wanting to raise your child veg is an emotional issues as you stated above....it is very logical...just depends on how you look at it I guess.
Hope you and your lady can come to an agreement. =]

 

Your point on the rain forest is what I believe makes the vegetarian thing somewhat arbitrary. There are lots of ways we could all be better people or more responsible for the world, etc yadda yadda but we choose which of those we want to do ourselves, we don't choose them for other people.

 

next time a lion attempts to eat me I will remind him that he should be a little more compassionate.

 

Thanks for the words. I do want to hear from women in particular because I think men probably don't really understand the way a woman feels about their own children.

You are actually more lenient than my woman would be since you let your kids eat meat elsewhere. Or at least - she said she would just want their diet to be vegetarian until they were old enough to choose so I don't know - she could be more lenient than you actually.

Problem is it's morally ambiguous - and still remains just a personal preference, correct?

 

your children could grow up to fight for anything they want. But at least let them choose what that is.

 

Vegetarians can argue all they want, but it's not as healthy of a lifestyle as a well balanced, rounded diet. (There's a reason we've been herbivores for as long as we've existed.)

What it really sounds like you two want to teach your children is critical thinking skills. Only by giving them the means to make their own choices will they do so. How can a child make up its own mind when it's already been done so by it's parents?

 

Thank you.

 

I think part of her view on it is that she believes they will become vegetarians later and then blame her for feeding them meat when they were too young to know any better.

This is only part of why she wants this though. There are multiple reasons.

Also - the morality of it comes into play. You say how can they make their own choices? Well as an extreme example - you would teach your kids not to lie, not to steal, not to kill people, etc... because these things are pretty black and white. To some vegetarians the issue is black and white to them. You are simply teaching a child to do the right thing.

This is where it becomes a gray area and I choose to go with the "99% of people do it" mentality that is better to err to the side of majority.

 

If it's that black and white with your wife/gf, there will be no compromises (Or at least none with out feelings of bitterness).

 

This issue itself is not that big a deal for me. I have said mainly the same things you all have said to her already many times. In compromise you let some things go that you know you really shouldn't have to, that's a relationship. So long as it doesn't apply elsewhere with her then I can deal with it, which she has never made me feel like it does.

It's just this one issue she sticks on and I wanted to know what others thought of it - and you guys pretty much echo my thoughts on it - I don't think it's the end of the world though.

 

I am a vegetarian as well, and a young woman with no plans on ever having kids. That being said, I might be able to help you see where she is coming from...

This is my 3rd round of vegetarianism (and likely to be permanent). Short back story, I was vegetarian at 2 points earlier in my life (both in college) once to test my will power and another time while I was traveling abroad. Now my reasoning for vegetarianism is simple, I couldn't kill an animal, and I think of animals as similarly divine to humans. I guess it comes slightly from my studies of Buddhism, but I feel it is right in my heart.

I honestly don't think it is healthy for children to be vegetarians, though that isn't what I'd like to admit. Again people may know more than me, but getting protein sometimes is difficult, and with kids being picky eaters, who knows how difficult it can be. You haven't mentioned vegan, but I want to stress that soy products can be dangerous for women, and likely children...just wanted to put that out there.

On the other hand I think I can tell where your wife is coming from. Since she views eating meat as morally wrong, she probably has the same notion that she is corrupting her own morality by serving meat to her children. In addition, what teenager is going to prefer to give up meat once it's been in his or her life for so long? I know a few people who didn't eat meat simply because they didn't like it, but that isn't the same reason. I think she simply wants the best for her kids physically, mentally, and spiritually (even if she isn't oober religious herself).

Perhaps there is an open minded child nutritionist the two of you could talk to, who might be able to settle things or give you guys various reasons to support vegetarianism or a diet which includes meat.

I know this isn't what you were talking about but I definitely think exposing children to different religions is crucial. I was raised that way, but it wasn't specific to Christianity or even monotheistic religions. If that is your comparison, I feel your child should see the best of both worlds in both religion and food choices.

Perhaps feed them meat while they are young, and once they are at an age where you can begin communicating the concept of what meat really is you guys can start that dialogue. I know as a child, thinking about eating an animal probably would have killed me, and did so even into early adult hood. I could never talk about an animal while I was eating it. Honestly though I think this is a good route, though you may have to be in charge (permanently) of serving the meat because I doubt this is something she will ever want to do.

hope i didn't just waste your time

also, you may get more responses in the Vegetarian section...but that might be more biased too...
http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/forumdisplay.php?f=66

and then there is an "All in the family" section, you might try that at some point
http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/forumdisplay.php?f=383

 

Pushing any philosophy on a child is wrong. I assume it is hard not to do indirectly (and, therefore somewhat subliminally) with some less significant views/philosophies.

Philosophies involving "morality" and existence seem to be a bit easier to avoid imprinting in a child's brain, though (religion, vegetarianism, views on creation, etc.).

Not feeding a child meat would be unfair and not allow that child to make its own decisions, obviously. The only thing I would consider, if I ever have a child, is not feeding her or him red meat (mainly just encouraging them to avoid it). This would be strictly for health reasons. Since giving up red meat, I am healthier and more energized than I have ever been.

I am no scientist or digestive expert, but I would think that meat may be vital for a growing human.

 

Thanks for the replies - and the note about various religions - I appreciate it.

The fact that kids are picky eaters and it's hard to get protein is a valid point and one I've brought up before to her. I think she is of the mindset that she would want to try and meet their protein needs through vegetarian methods(not necessarily soy but beans/etc) first and if it failed she would give in. She will always bend to a issue of health and has made that clear.

And yes I would have to cook the meat - she will never do that. Also I should mention she is 32 and has been a vegetarian for something like 15 years - and before they she was very picky about what meats she would or wouldn't eat... she considers herself to have always had an aversion to meat since she was a very young child.

 

We all indoctrinate our children in some sense. Some of those beliefs we hold onto as adults and some we choose to set aside. You can't avoid putting your beliefs on children, but hopefully one of those beliefs is that ultimately individuals have to make their own decisions.

I have to wonder if something that absolutely isn't harmful such as raising a child on a vegetarian diet is worth fighting about. You're insisting the children NOT be exposed to a vegetarian diet as vehemently as your wife is insisting they be on an exclusively vegetarian diet. Isn't there a happy medium somewhere in here? If your wife wants to expose them to all religions, why can't you expose them to different foods, giving them an option to eat or not eat it when they're a little older?

 

She's fine with that.

It's mostly the issue of when they are like 0-5 or somewhere in there (when they are too young to know the difference).

And it's not that big a deal to me as long as they are healthy - I just wanted to hear others' thoughts on it.

 

There's no evidence vegetarian children are less healthy than their omnivorous counterparts. I'd say from an ethical standpoint, it's wrong to force taking a life upon a child more than letting them make their own dietary choices about strained chicken at 18 months.