Self Trust

How does one regain self-trust after life has been utterly blown apart?

I had someone who loved me, but I fucked it up. Twice, with two different people. I even fucked up the second chances, and the third.
Then I had a chance with someone who just plain liked me, and I STILL fucked it up, and the second chances, and the third ...

Now I'm afraid to try again, for fear of fucking it up.

I know myself pretty well and know I will do something pretty dumb the next time It's just a fact, and I can live with that. I just don't know if I can expect anyone to forgive me for it.

By the way: I would just throw myself into something, surrender my fear and all that ... but I did that once and ended up just reinforcing my fear.
And "taking time off" isn't a good solution either, because I already have -- it's already been almost a year since it all happened.

I'm not a fatalist -- I know there is something out there that can help me. I just don't know how to achieve it. Any advice?

 

Just don't be afraid.
We all make mistakes, deal with it and move on.
You can't spend your whole life in fear of living and making mistakes. You made some mistakes in the past, i hope you've learned something from them so use that knowlige in your next relationship. As simple as that

 

No, actually ...

it's not.

What I've learned is to be afraid of myself.

 

But if you don't try to move on, and if you don't give yourself another chanse you will be sucked forever in you fears, you won't let anybody to get near you, and you will stay alone forever... (i sound cruel, but that is just the way it is)

There are some things in life where you have to be to one to make the choise, and to make the firs and the hardest move,
it's worth trying.

 

You need to give yourself another chance. Just do not throw yourself in all at once learn to grow in a relationship for a while. Alot of people have fears just as you do alot of people have screwed up. You just have to give yourself a chance to find that one person you are ment to be with. Go into your next relationship with an open mind but a cautious heart.

 

I will.

I am just worried about being TOO cautious, which I am right now.

I'm the sort of person who has MANY "good matches" and can instinctively spot them. Right now I know of at least two ... but I rarely even contact them.
Whenever I am with them I want to be with them more, but when we are apart I rationalize why I should NOT want to be with them.

At this rate meeting new people is hard. I'm just so worried I'm going to fuck up again, and maybe even hurt them ... and that they won't forgive me. (I wouldn't even expect them to.)

 

Suncatch22 does this have to do with what we are talking about on the other thread?

 

No, it's only a little bit related.

I would feel this way even if I were completely healthy.

 

OH honey you have so much going on right now I wish there was some way I could be more affective at helping but if you look at my post in relationships you would see I am laying in a thorn bush at the moment.

 

Will you listen to anything I might say? If not, I will go away.

 

I probably would. Can't make any promises because I MIGHT have heard it all already
(see my latest post in "Forget me ... not")

 

aww baby girl, what we gonna do with you huh?
{{{hugs}}}
l
xxx

 

Ummm ... does it have to do with a .22 rifle?



Just my strange self-depricating sarcasm. I'm kidding.
Mostly.

 

If you don't try you will never find whats right.
The more you try the better your chances get of finding the right persone but untill then every time somethign goes wrong you shoudl learn something about your self and learn something about who is right for you.

 

I DO try. That is what this thread is about -- I want to try but am not sure how.

I DO learn from my experiences. Every time I've been hurt it's been for seemingly arbitrary reasons ... or else because I failed to trust enough. So what I learn is that people, including myself, are not trustworthy.

 

Ok, you can't alwaus trust them compleatly. Trust them, but as we say in my language, keep a reserv for yourself, that meens somewhere in your mind be ready for the worst outcome.

 

Suncatch - How did YOU screw up your past relationships? From your other threads it seems the guys were the ones to blame much more than you. Don't beat yourself over the head for relationships that were doomed to failure because of a poor mix of personalities or a guy who is going through a crisis or is otherwise screwed up.

My current girlfriend has a very strong personality (she is CEO and sole owner of her own multimillion dollar company), but our personalities and emotional lives and sexuality are well matched, so we have a great relationship, going strong for 2+ years.

 

You are human. The boys you date are human. The world is full of humans and we all fuck up. The sooner you can accept that then you can learn to be gentler with yourself over mistakes and get over the massive regret you seem to carry.

I find its sometimes good to just sit back and start listening to other people's problems and to be less focused on myself and obsessing on my own crap for awhile, to help remind me that we're all fucked up in some way and life does indeed go on if only we could let go and live in the now. We are our own worst enemy.

 

Yes I will. Sorry I had to leave work at 1000 the other night I am only online at work M-F 6am-2pm. I get a little Sat. O.T. once in a while.

 

I DO listen to other people's problems, by the way. I'm a volunteer counselor, plus the main shoulder for all my friends to lean on.

And I DO know that other people screw up. I'm VERY forgiving of everyone but myself.

And I think most of these relationships have been doomed more because we are all so screwed up and less because our personalities don't match.
I'm very good at spotting personalities that match mine -- it's just a rather sad but true fact right now that since I'm sorta mixed up, everyone who is matched to me is ALSO sorta (or more than sorta ...) mixed up.