selling myself

i have such a hard time doing this. when i meet someone new i go blank and get really quiet. i hate it.

whats the secret? how do i not freeze up?


i don't really wanna go to therapy anymore. i just wanna be okay now.

 

I do the same thing more often than not. It just comes with meeting new people.

Why are you quiet and guarded when it comes to new people? I would think that if you can answer that, you can go about finding a way to fix it.

 

Damn I thought u were taking bids. I was gonna give you 3 chickens and a goat. That's a good deal.

 

Well you lack confidence, that's a large part of the problem. And figuring out the root of the insecurities like Luna mentioned will help you analyze them.

The best thing from my experience, is to expose yourself to situations where you have to approach everybody. I got mine from a couple hosting jobs. It makes you really understand the ways to engage people and find common ground quickly without bullshit "Hi, how are you" talk.

Practice will make you feel confident Boog. Next time your in an elevator with someone, strike up a conversation with them. About something interesting to you. And realize it doesn't matter if they're receptive or not.

Not everyone will like you, because some people are jerks. That shouldn't dissuade you from trying to meet new and interesting people.

 

i know exactly what it is. i'm scared i'm going to just tell them the 'bad' things about myself and they'll judge me then.. and not like me. i guess because if it was the other way around i might do the same thing..

and.. i have nothing going for me right now. just busy being human. humans don't seem to like this answer..

 

lol ... i am! i think that's why this is coming up for me right now. i'm volunteering for a festival. i know for a fact i am going to have fun and i will talk to many people. but.. i always feel very empty afterward.. because i feel like i didn't make any friends..



what am i missing?

 

Maybe you're not connecting with people as much as you'd like to because you're holding back, afraid to tell them the "bad things" about yourself.

Just talk to people, don't worry about whether or not they'll like you. That's beyond your control. People like what they like. You don't want to be someone who just tries to please people because you want their approval.

As for bad things. Everyone has some negative qualities, negative things in their past. But that's no one elses concern but yours.

Don't get caught up on, 'will this person like me, am I connecting, am I saying the right things', etc. Just be Booga

 

This is all true. The trick with confidence is if you don't have any, you often have to fake it at first to get some. Keep a list of questions in your mind that you can ask people you just meet, and then when you do meet someone just smile wide like you're the most confident person in the world and ask them something. Or comment on something about them. Whenever I meet girls, I like to compliment them on their clothes or hair or something. Whenever I meet guys I'll make a joke about whatever is going on around us to break the ice. Everyone likes to talk about themselves, so asking questions will never fail you, and everyone likes to get compliments and hear jokes (well, I get a lot of weird looks with the jokes actually lol, but i have a weird sense of humor).

I had to do a series of job interviews last week for a job, and part of the last interview was talking to someone who worked there and getting information from them. They basically want to see if you have the ability to talk to people about anything. I just asked her ridiculous questions about her dogs. I felt stupid, I didn't really care about the answers, and I figured she would pick up on that, but because I kept a smile on my face the whole time she ate that shit up. I now know every little detail about this woman's dog lol.

you're not going to feel comfortable at first, but just keep trying. People love when others are interested enough to engage them in conversation. No one is going to think you're stupid or judge you.

Thats the beauty of it though...people love to talk about themselves. If you don't want to talk about yourself or reveal too much about yourself, just keep the other person talking by asking them questions.

 

very true indeed...

i like me.. so why wouldn't these humans like me?


i could be over thinking this too.. :frown:

 

Have you gotten any numbers of coworkers that seemed interesting? Pursued anything after work?

I'm not one to ask for advice on bonding though. I have serious intimacy issues and move yearly.

But I will offer a thought. Perhaps it feels tiring not because you don't enjoy it, but because it's so out of your usual habits, you don't know how to respond to it.

If you stick with it, it may become habitual and more enjoyable and less exasperating.

 

I like you Booga :love: :grouphug:

 

work? i don't work... don't know if i'd be able too. i do volunteer work.. so sorta similar..

i've got at least 5 things between tomorrow and may 8th i'm going to volunteer for.

and maybe i have made a friend or two already now that i think about it. i am sort of 'in charge' of getting critical mass going this month here. i have had a few folks add me as friends online from the last one.

i like you too.. i like nearly everyone on HF. i want to be able to translate what i can do and feel here to when i'm actually around humans.

must keep pushing forward!

 

Why do you find this medium easier to interact?

Likely (as most probably do) because one can choose what to share and what not to share.

"Real life" is the same though. You choose what you share about yourself with others. Your past and your negative qualities are not written on your forehead.

Any decent person will take the good with the bad. Everyone has their flaws.

See here, you probably feel more comfortable because you can share things you like, but no one will judge you based on those things you'd rather not share.

There's no reason why your real life interactions can't be the exact same. You're interesting, funny, and attractive People will see that if you just relax and enjoy yourself. People will like those things, most people aren't out to find others' flaws.

 

Ask questions. Get folks talking about themselves. Trust me, they'll think you're fascinating.

 

Some people are quiet and it is not a problem. I don't feel very social around a lot of conversation because it is so much idle preening, "What do you think of me?" That essential conversation has no substance. It posses a question that has so many correct responses as to render them all meaningless as definition. Some one other than you could never be your measure. In turn, I regard people on level terms, the guy behind the counter is as fucked up as me, or as worthy as me. If I regard him as an equal then we are all equal to any virtue.
Sounds like, love your brother as yourself

 

I have no idea, but if you find out please let me know. My general response when someone talks to me is "Uh...."

I like me quite a lot, but I don't expect anyone else to feel the same way.

 

everybody here is wrong. do not try and change, or become more confident.

you are a quiet person, you know deep down you would hate to be the centre attention anyways - so what's the issue?

if you became more comfortable with the idea of being the person you are - people will feel more engaged. i mean, why do you freeze up? because of how people perceive you? or because of how you feel you are being perceived?

it's your own head doing the talking there.

simply put, being coy does not mean you will be uninteresting. i find loud, confident people sometimes to be quite irritating.

i am, to give you a personal perspective, a quiet guy - but people like me because i'm relaxed in social situations. in fact, my self assurance will admittedly come across sometimes as aloof - so it can switch the tables

i mean, think about it, are 'confident' people really that loud and proud or just desperately insecure themselves? seems like the other half of the same coin to me.

to recap. loud people, the more nervous, these people are victims of their own self abuse - just learn to live in an accepting middle ground.

 

all good advice and insight.

the internet is always easier. no eye contact. no body language. no facial expressions. i can relax and not have to try and read the other person.

i'm sure lasts nights reoccurring nightmare has something to do with this. i'm trapped in a room of a house and fighting with someone. she won't let me out. she won't let me win. i don't know how to escape. i pack all my things. i try to use a broken dream computer to call for help, but nothing works. i always wake up feeling angry and frustrated. i know it's my subconscious trying to deal with years of mental abuse. it's obviously left me scarred. i'm right here, right there, on the edge of this bullshit and ready to move forward.. but i feel stuck! RAWR! so it is easier to remain quiet in social situations that have another person not like me. :frown: no.. that's bs.. that's the negative voice that's been put there by someone else and it needs to stop!

thanks everyone. i'm just sorta venting.. but really need to! you all are very helpful! :grouphug:

 

"Sucky sucky, 5 dollar" tends to work.

 

i will try this.. ahaha..


okay probably not.. not that kinda selling..