She trusts me as long as she can see me

I'm a 56 year old guy married to a 54 year old woman. We've been married for the past 15 years, together a little more than 20 years. We've not had the best relationship down through the years cheating on both our parts but we've managed to remain together and make it work. For the past 4 or 5 years now my wife seems to be on my case over everything. She can keep her phone in her hands all day long but the minute I touch mine I'm up to something. As long as she can see my screen she's goon. The minute I text a sibling or reply to anyone then I get "who's that" or "you seem to be having a nice conversation with someone." No, I refuse to be the type of guy who has to announce everything he does to his spouse so she can feel secure. Maybe that's wrong of me but that's just how I am. I have 6 other siblings and we all have a group text chat that we communicate all the time. But the minute one of my sisters says anything and I chuckle she wants to know what was said. Our mom recently got into texting and she'll text random stuff all the time now because this is new to her.

My wife and I can come home from work, eat dinner together, laugh and joke about stuff. gossip about other people, watch various TV shows together but the minute she yawns once she's ready to go to bed. If I decide to stay in the living room watching one of my TV shows she gets nervous because she can't see what I'm doing on my phone. She'll find some reason to get up multiple times to go to the bathroom or to just get something to drink so she can see what I'm doing. And then when I do come to the bedroom she'll be almost asleep. I do tend to play a game on my phone at night or scroll through Facebook or Instagram checking up with friends. Most times I'm on Amazon checking the status of an order or looking for something to buy. I do woodworking as a hobby so I'm always looking for new tools. I also have insomnia so when I take my medication I literally lay in the bed until I feel it kicking in, then I'll put my phone down to go to sleep. My wife complains that the glare from my screen keep her awake, however, she'll always turn her face towards me instead of facing the other way so my glare isn't right in her face. If I type anything on my phone she turns over to look at me. I try to hold my phone in a way so the glare is not right in her face but she looks at that as suspicious but to her that's suspicious too. Last night I was on my phone when she heard me typing on my phone then she turns her head to ask what I'm doing. I show her I'm on Amazon but then she makes the comment, "so what are you typing?" Last I checked you can't think something and it automatically pops up on your phone.

This morning right after I left for work she texts me to remind me to put some money in the joint account for her or something then she immediately follows that up with a long text about how she is trying to trust me but my activity on my phone makes it hard for her. In one breath you're asking me for money but the next one you're saying I'm up to something. At this stage in my life I don't need to be worrying about who my wife may be texting. That's her phone, not mine. She has friends and coworkers so if my radar went up every time her phone buzzed I'd never get any peace.

How do you deal with someone who thinks everything you do that they can't see is suspicious. If I'm 5 or 10 minutes late getting home from work she'll ask me what happened. How do you deal with someone like this? I wanna stay married to her but I'm too old to be acting like giddy school kids. At what point in your life do you ever relax and say to yourself, "I'm not gonna worry about everything someone else does."

 

Go to a marriage counselor and work on the trust issues. If things don't improve over time, it would be hard to live like that and you have a decision to make. Life it too short.

 

I agree with Wayne. Obsession over another person can drive that person away. Wife needs to realize hubby isn't using his phone, or any other thing, to be unfaithful to her. She is insecure in this marriage knowing hubby has been with other women. She's trying to protect her investment in the marriage. The phone is a way for him to connect with someone else and this insecurity on her part will destroy the relationship. They need professional counseling to solve this issue.