Let me ask a question to see if I'm the one wrong here. As many of you know I'm a 56 year old married male married to a 55 year old child. My wife is one of those who you will not ignore. You must do everything in your power to make sure her day goes smooth without any hiccups. I have to be a mind reader to know that when she walks into the room I'm supposed to know the oil needs changing in her car. I'm not supposed to know everything going on in her head unless she opens her mouth and say. But, as her husband, we should be so in tune to where I should know everything the minute she thinks it. Ok, for the past few years my dad has been battling dementia and last Wed he transitioned from this earth. There's me, my six siblings and now just my mom left to plan his funeral and arrangements. Well, me and 2 of my sisters have done the bulk of the planning. Ok, we set the funeral for this coming Saturday. Well, we live in the south, NC to be exact, and last Sat this area and pretty much most of the east coast got hit with a major snow and ice storm. Within a few days our area was pretty cleared up but now this coming Sat they are expecting another blast of winter weather to come through. This time not ice but 3 - 6 inches of snow. We have been informed by the cemetery that they are cancelling any and all burials on Sat so we won't be able to lay our dad to rest until next week. Our thought process was to go ahead with the funeral Sat morning since the snow wasn't scheduled to hit until later in the day then we just do a family burial one day next week. Ok, today we were supposed to go to the funeral to do a viewing for our father to make sure we like they way they laid him out. While on the phone with my sister and we were discussing the weather and snow report and timeline, things like that, my wife walks into the room and she sees me on the phone but all she is doing was trying to get my attention. I keep holding my finger up like "give me a minute" because honestly what she had to say at that moment was nowhere nearly as important as planning my father's funeral. She keeps on doing this and at one point I just looked at her and called her name, like "give me a minute!" She gets all in a huff and walks into the next room. She knew I was on the phone with my sister. It's not like I was talking to one of my boys and we were discussing the basketball game last night or putting in our predictions for the Super Bowl coming up. When I finished my conversation with my sister I called my wife and she didn't / wouldn't respond. When she finally responded she comes into the living room obviously with tears in her eyes like I had just cursed her out. You're 55 years old. Put your big girl panties on and understand I wasn't yelling at you but was just trying to get your attention to give me a few more minutes. Now my wife is one of those who doesn't like to be interrupted while she's on the phone and yeah, I'm sure I've called her name not knowing she was on the phone but I've never stood in front of her constantly trying to get her attention knowing she was on a phone call. Whatever I had to say to her at that moment could wait. When she finally told me what she wanted all she wanted to tell me was that she saw the weather report and from what she was seeing the snow wasn't expected to start till later in the day tomorrow. Was that piece of information that important to interrupt my phone conversation? Probably not, but did you need to get so bent out of shape to where you walked away all upset to the point of tears? Was I wrong to call her name the way I did while on the phone with my sister? I didn't curse at her. I didn't bless out her momma. I just called her name in a way to say, "just give me a few minutes." Was I wrong? I still have not yet mourned the loss of my father because I have to remain strong for my mom. Her and my dad had been together some 67+ years. One thing my wife has always said is that with 6 other brothers and sisters my mom calls me for plum near everything even though my 3 other brothers still live at home with our parents. 2 brothers never married or moved out. My twin brother has been married and divorced twice and keeps getting evicted from every apartment he's had so that's why he's still there. Mom would rather let him keep moving back home than for him to be sleeping in his truck in a parking lot somewhere. But again, was I wrong? How many of you like being interrupted by your BF, GF or spouse when they see you on the phone when what they have to say can honestly wait a few minutes?
Seems she has alot of energy...... I dont think she means to make you upset.... Im sorry about your dad
Gee, she sure sounds like my ex-wife. If I was on the phone she would be shouting at me to end my call. She didn't want to use it, she just didn't want me to use it. It was mighty embarrassing. I run a garden business at the time and I was involved in local politics. Most of the calls were from my customers and my political comrades and they couldn't fail to hear her rambling. As for you being to blame, get that out of your head. I can sense from your words you are struggling and it's affecting you. Blaming yourself will only bring you down and that will affect your relationship more. Trying to ignore the present mood swings as just a brief phase could be a remedy. You obviously know her best. But communication and discussing all this may also be a way forward. I would suggest this is not in your house or in the car, it's too familiar territory. I would take her out for a meal somewhere of her choice. Begin the discussion during the meal by giving way a little and apologising again for the way you spoke. Then ask if anything is bothering her lately as she's not been her usual self. If she asks how she's not been her usual self, explain what she is like, but finish with the line "It's just not you and it worries me". One final tip. As a few on here know I'm a new age Wiccan minister. I believe in crystals and all that sort of thing, and they sure do work. A lady in the Branch of Cosmic Spirituality family was in a real messy divorce and thought she had little chance of getting anything. I got her some crystals and she came out of the divorce settlement with £250,000. So carry a rose quartz crystal with you at the meal. It'll help in bringing harmony and an atmosphere of love. I can send you a short purification and blessing ritual for this if you choose to use the crystal. Also ask your Guardian Angels and Spirit guides to be with you. A short prayer I use daily is; May the Universe Bless Me, Mother Earth be Within Me, And my Guardian Angels and Spirit Guides Surround Me, So Mote it Be, Blessed Be. Well I sure hope things get fixed. Sending you blessings for a happy outcome.
I'm sorry that you lost your dad and that you've been having trouble in your marriage. Assuming that you still want to be married to her, but just want to correct the problems, I wonder if you'd like to try couples counseling. I've also heard two phone apps recommended, though I don't have any experience with them. One is called "lasting", and was recommended based on the user's experience. Another is called "paired", and was recommended by someone based on reading reviews.
Thank You! Here's the next rub I see coming. In the past few weeks quite a few people have sent me and my family sympathy cards and things. My mom alone has received a number of cards and some of them will have a little piece of money in it. $20 or sometimes even $50 from her church members and others. Yesterday at the funeral one of my church members handed me a card from his parents who are also church members and when I got home and opened it there was a $50 check written out to me. My wife said that she deserved some of that money too. Trust me, I'm not trying to be selfish but my wife still has both of her parents so how does she deserve some of that check? For a number of years my siblings and I would all meet up at our parent's house every Sun when dad's health started to decline. And even my brother's in law would come by with my sisters. My wife would rarely come. I would have to beg her to come just sit with us on a Sunday afternoon. If she came one Sun then you could rest assure it would be months before I convinced her to come again. But now she's saying how that was her dad who passed too so she feels she deserves some of the money. I have even gotten a text from another church member that couldn't make it to the services that when he sees me this coming Sun he and his wife have a card for me with "a little something" in it for me. When the time comes when one of her parents passes away the last thing on my mind is going to be saying that a part of any money she gets belongs to me. Again, am I wrong here?
Whoa buddy.....you need to set this one straight. Someone needs to know she is not the center of the universe. Save that argument for later, though, and focus on your family.
I truly feel you on that. We have always kept separate bank accounts but have a joint account for household bills and things. The check was written to me and me alone, I guess since my father was the one who passed. I don't stake claim to any of her paycheck since that check is written to her and her alone. Likewise with my paycheck. But this was a bereavement check that was written to me so she feels she is owed some of that.
Ha!! The old "Our money, My money" routine. Please don't let money start an argument now....this is a family time. Don't you dare take any of the blame for her childishness. Take some time when the service is over, family is gone, and have a conversation....
My wife believes in the age old saying "her money is her money but my money is our money." My family will rally around each other to get over the passing of our father but I'm not going to let my wife guilt me into giving her any of this money. No, it's not a lot but it is something from my church members to say they were thinking of me during this time. Again, I had to pull teeth on most sunday afternoons to get my wife to come sit with the family to visit with our dad. But now she wants to benefit from the proceeds that are being passed around.
Sometimes, my friend, one must pick his battles, a skirmish will not win the war. This may be one of those "Let Go and Let God" moments. Bigger picture.. And women sit there and wonder, oh why oh why would my man ever stray.......they just don't think the same as we do...
