Should I cheat?

New to this forum. Have been married over 23 years. Im 45 wife is 40. I have a very high sex drive, wifes is very low. Over the years she has made very little effort to do anything about it and it is to the point where it is once every 6 weeks. It's always a headace, a backache, reflux, her period or she's tired...to the point where it's an obvious pattern. I hope I'm not coming off sounding harsh and insesitive, because I've been REALLY patient with her. Am I just supposed to live with this the rest of my life? I do still love her, I have tried talking to her. I have asked if there is is something that changed sexually between us....she just rolls over and goes to sleep. We have 3 school age kids and financial ties so I can't leave her. So I met this girl who has the same situation at home. Husband, kids, but no sex and she wants us to start a sexual relationship on the side so we can keep our sanity. Should I do this?

 

Are you looking for online confirmation to cheat on your wife? I feel like you`ve already made up your mind on the issue, and I am not going to judge you for it.

However, instead of giving you the answer I feel you want, I will question the sentence in bold above. You put yourself in this situation, did you not?...

Why exactly can`t you get out? Can you not rearrange your finances? Aren`t the kids going to be happier knowing that they have a happier dad who is still interested in their well-being?

I feel like cheating would be just a way to drag on the situation. And the dragging on to me would be more important than the moral concern.

 

Yeah cheating is always the better option. Spouses love when their husbands/wives cheat, lie, or steal. Ass

 

Few people seem to be happy in monogamous relationships these days. I say do it.

 

No matter how hard you work at keeping an affair a secrete, something will happen and she will find out. Take her away from the kids so that it is just the two of you and have a heart to heart, tell her how you feel and tell her of your needs, maybe she has something medically or physically wrong she isn't telling you. If she has no medical or physical reason let her know that you are starting to feel the need to look elsewhere but you are fighting the urge. Honesty is always the best, you should get an answer form her one way or the other. Good Luck.

 

With the exception of the "if she has no medical or physical reason" this is spot on...

Even if it is a medical or a physical problem, the simple fact is that he (the op) is considering chearing on her becuase of the lack of sex (regardless of the reason).

He should talk to her yes, but what her reasons are, are meaningless... either he wants to stay with her and work on the problems, or he moves on.

Cheating, just shows that your word means nothing to ANYONE, because if you will lie and cheat on the person you swore to cherish and honor, you will do it to anyone.

Either fix it, or end it... or show the world that your word means nothing.

 

It is much easier to leave a person...married with kids or not, than it is to cheat and maintain this relationship WITHOUT feelings getting in the way of you and your family.

 

That was what I was trying to say, I agree 100 percent.

 

no you shouldn't cheat. you should tell her that you have this problem and you need to discuss it and find a solution, because you cannot continue living like that. If she does not want to cope then you should let her know that it's over between you and her in a sexual and romantic way and you both should start looking for the best possible way out of this relationship.

I know a couple, they have been married for ages and have kids and divorce would really complicate things for both of them, so at some point they agreed upon having a free relationship (or what it's called), both having love affairs outside of their marriage. Not exsactly an ideal solution to keep a marriage, but at least they are honest and function more like friends.

 

ask her ...if she gives permission then its not cheating

 

Couldn't agree more with Tazer. End of the day you shouldn't cheat, period. Especially with what you have, you run more of a risk at losing everything that is important to you eg: Three children which I am sure you worship the ground they walk on and your wife. Could do a lot more damage in the long run for what a night or two of satisfaction? Get away for a weekend with your wife just the two of you, even for some space away from family life. Try and reconnect with her and hopefully it’ll be the break needed for you both to find some common ground again.

 

ya fuckin do it because you have no idea how many time this bitch has probably fucked on you through the years. if she aint wated sex she is probably gettin her fill some where else anyway.

 

You should never cheat if you're in a happy relationship

 

You should fix or end a relationship that isn't happy.

Not cheat.

 

I think you are an ass. I feel bad judging you and I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it. This woman has given her life to you and has given you three children. You owe it to her and your children to be honest and upright. If you children found out about this how do you think hey would feel how do u think your actions would affect your children. You have made a commitment to them and if you feel that the situation you are in is less then favorable then you need to bring it up with your wife. There is no excuse for cheating and if u feel that u must then you are a coward and an unsavory character.

 

Can't rep, but QFT.

 

How do you know this for sure? All I`ve gotten from the OP is that she "rolls over and sleeps" when he brings up a subject that is obviously very important to him.

It`s one thing not to give the OP approval to cheat; quite another to make an innocent victim out of his wife and immediately demonize him for something he has so far only considered in thought.

 

They have kids so she must be fucking him some times. He decided to marry this woman and if she doesn’t give him what he wants or isn't willing to do so he should divorce her not disrespect his family by cheating. I’m not saying she is innocent, but no matter what she is doing it is not alright for him to cheat.

 

Well well well. It's amazing at how i've been demonized by a saying that I have been approached for sex. I didn't even do anything and I am now labled an ass. Without goin into detail...I have tried to my wits end with her. She has also been to the Dr. but they wanted to do testosterone treatments and she did try at first but gave up early on from side effects.

 

If your wife's hormones are screwed up it would help explain why she has a low sex drive. Ask her to go back to the doctor. She needs to follow through until she finds something that helps her feel better. I don't mean until she wants sex, but until she physically feels better. If her hormones are off it can cause her to be tired, headaches, mood swings, lack of sex drive, etc. Testosterone treatments tend to take a lot of trial and error until they get the right dose. So, it may takes months to fix her hormones, and she may be an emotional trainwreck (due to the hormones) in the process. So, to fix your marriage, start with her health.

If she refuses to do anything about her health and/or your sex life, then you need to contemplate if your marriage is worth giving up sex over. If it isn't, then you need to decide if you are going to cheat, or leave. If you leave, you can do so knowing you tried but she didn't, and it just didn't work out. If you cheat, you can wonder when she will find out and stress over what will happen when she does. Leaving tends to be easier in the long run.

Therapy is always an option. Sometimes an outside perspective can help people see what was right in front of them.

I don't think you're an ass. I think you're frustrated and about to do something (potentially) really stupid because you're at your wits ends. It happens! It's what you do next that matters.