Since the crisis line was busy....

I tried to call a crisis line today. Because I don't know what else to do. But of course I only got a busy signal. And I tried for a whole hour. So I'm sorta posting this here out of desperation.

So here's the trouble. I have been battling clinical depression for close to 27 years, and it is now worse than it has ever been before. I have no energy, get confused easily, feel especially anxious, and can't seem to do the most basic things anymore. I've been neglecting my hygiene big time (I can't really remember how many days it's been since I showered), it's a major struggle for me to shop and check my snail mail. I have not cleaned my apartment or done any laundry in months, and now here comes the crisis part.

I live in subsidized housing, and they do an inspection twice a year. I just recently failed. I tried to get my place in shape, but the depression made it almost impossible for me. But I tried. Now they are coming back in 1-2 weeks, and I have to somehow get this place in order. They've even suggested I get the carpet cleaned, which means I will have to move all my furniture (in addition to all of the cleaning and such). Now how am I gonna do this? I mean, just putting on my shoes to go to the store is sometimes overwhelming. That's how sick I am right now. Yet if I don't get my ass moving soon, I could easily lose my apartment, and end up joining the homeless.

I'm trying to be practical. I'm writing out lists of things I need to do ASAP, and forcing myself to shop and eat healthy meals. Plus I've started a daily progress report. So I will have a way to prove to myself that I still am getting one or two things done. And try and build on that. And I've started back on multivitamins again. But no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to reach the point where I can get started on the cleaning. I mean, just taking a nice long shower would be a major victory for me right now. But I seem to be stuck big time. Anybody got any advise for me? I mean, about how I can get the ball rolling, and hopefully start to feel better? I know a visit to a mental health clinic is one of the first things I should do. But I can't even take a shower right now. I really am in bad shape. So any suggestions from folks that have battled clinical depression also (and made some progress) would be totally appreciated by me. I'm thanking you in advance!

Peace,

PD

 

depression is like a warm blanket. you need to take a cold shower, and enjoy it. enjoy the cold, as it freezes you, love it for its lack of warmth.
the key to unocking the secrets and cures for your depression, are within you, so the task of finding that key, and using it, lies within you also, and really there is not going to be anyone who can help. there are alot of people who want to help, but no one can. i can tell you that homeless sux, but it does put life into perspective.
i would suggest in the mean time, until you can ignore or cure your depression, try not to sweat the stuff thats out of your control, and the small stuff, focus on cleaning your place, getting a vacume and some carpet cleaner, throwing out almost everything you own, or giving it away. lightening your load and accomplishing small goals will work wonders for you. it may just have to come to the point where you have to decide that you hate your warm blanket, and youll never use it again, then take that cold shower, walk to starbucks barefoot, get a cup of coffee, smell the flowers, take a nice long walk, listen to the birds, humm a tune to yourself, try to enjoy some of the smaller pleasures in life.

 

Wow. I like a lot of the stuff you said. I mean, it does make sense and everything. I have given some thought to just tossing out a bunch of my things, and hopefully feeling less trapped that way. And I've been taking a few long walks (before the rainy cold spell hit the Pacific Northwest a few days ago), and just checking out the flowers and gulls in the park. And that did make things seem a lot less grim to me. I have been homeless in the past. And it totally sucked! That's why I am kinda pissed at myself for letting things go like this. Because I have a really awesome studio apartment now. And it's subsidized. It took me a long time to get it. So that's why I feel pressured to hurry up and get everything in order. So I can stay here. I guess I should have gone to a mental health clinic ASAP? And maybe antidepressants might have helped me to be more active and everything? Or are you against that? Anyway, all I can do is focus on now. And try and make myself get better. One thing at a time. Maybe I'll put on my shoes, and make it over to Safeway. Walking always seems to help. Thanks for all your suggestions. I didn't expect to hear back from somebody so soon.

Peace,

PD

 

Do you know anyone ~like a good friend or family member~ who can come over and help you get your place into shape for the inspection? Maybe if you have some help to lighten the load.......
don't think of cleaning your place as a huge "job" you have to do....think of it as a step toward better things....one more good thing for you to accomplish that you CAN do if you focus and don't let anything else get in your way. You don't want to loose your place.....I'm sure if anything that would make your depression worse. Plus I know I always feel better after I clean my place. I feels nice to have a clean apartment and the excersize will get your blood flowing and send some "happy" chemicals to your brain. Anywho.....I hope you feel better and you accomplish what you need to accomplish in time.......best wishes~

 

hey, i'm new here but thought i could help a bit

when i was tryin to get through depression i forced myself to go for an hours walk every single day. it gives you time to really think things through without being disturbed and it helped me get a lot of things straight in my head. its also important to let go of things which you may feel angry or bitter about. sometimes subconsciously (or not) you may not actually want to get better because you feel like the world isn't fair, and the fact that you've been landed with this illness needs to be recognised and understood by people. i felt very spiteful, and kinda felt like i was owed an apology by the world for what it had given me. therefore i couldn't get better because i was just waiting for something that was never going to happen.

i made a huge improvement when i just let everything go. in my head i wiped everything clean. if you think the world has given you a bad deal just go outside and take a look at the sun, the sky, the stars, the moon, the flowers and the earth. that is what the world has given you and it is all yours for the taking.

maybe cleaning your place will be a step towards clearing out your head.

one day at a time.

peace x

 

I have bipolar disorder, and I can't really think of any more advice to give you than the advice others already have. I do want you to know that I'll be thinking about you and hoping and praying things get better for you, I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this.

 

I suffer from depression, anxiety, ADD, and insomnia. I can't imagine getting out of bed without being on my meds. I strongly urge you to visit a mental health clinic, and get some treatment. The meds are not a miracle, I still have bad days and struggle at times. What the meds do is allow me to think more clearly. It's like they clear the fog from my brain, to make me more effective at making decisions in my life.

That, of course, takes some time. For the inspection, I really like the idea of throwing away a lot of your personal baggage. I have recently moved, and threw away virtually everything I own. It is very liberating, once you finally get going.

After a lot of the clutter is gone, I think you will be a little more motivated to clean up some.

Good luck to you!

 

In addition to the multivitamin you have started, also take a B-comlex vitamin, like balanced B-50. B-6 deficiency is linked to depression, but all the B vits work together, and they may help give you a little energy boost.

 

hey yeah i totally agree with that about b vitamins.

also maybe helpful are essential fatty acids which are really important for brain function. epa rich fish oils, (supplements) esp those high in omega three's can do a lot of good. they can be expensive (well in england they are) so eating enough oily fish and pulses and olive oil is good too for the same thing.

i know how hard it is to feel motivated but i know from experience that you can find a way to manage depression and that it can end up being something positive that you can use to learn from and grow stronger from.

x

 

unfortunately i have a vrey strong predjudice against meds. especially anti depressents. they seem to have more side effects than benefits, and those side effects tend to be more depressing (to me at least) then anything you could be depressed with to begin with. keep in mind that the meds are not a cure, they simply mask the symptoms. but you need the syptoms if you want to have a cure. pain isnt all that bad, it tells you that something is wrong, and where it is wrong, if you mask the "pain" you wont know where to "look". i dont think there is anything wrong with people who use or benefit from meds, its just not the route i would go, i should say not the route i have gone. i would even suggest you avoid pot and alcohol for an extended amount of time too, maybe a month or so.
i can give you hope, when the depression lifts, you do feel it, physically, and its a great buzz. once it does you have to be very careful for a long time not to let it slip back on, you just cant let things affect you like you used to.

 

I have to disagree with you. Antidepressants are VERY effective for the overwhelming majority of patients that use them. In fact, their success rate is higher than therapy alone, and almost as high as therapy combined with medication. I sell dozens of prescriptions for antidepressants every day. I see first hand the effect they have on most people, including myself.

Antidepressants don't really mask the symptoms. All they do is increase the levels of certain neurotransmitters in your brain, namely serotonin. With your serotonin levels restored, it allows you to make decisions to improve yourself. You still have to do the work. The meds are not like magic beans. . . but they are a very important tool to recovery. Life is too short not to use every available tool to make you happy.

 

Thanks for all the really awesome info! Yeah, I am gonna go to a mental health clinic in my area ASAP, and see about going back on meds. I mean, I have tried to deal with my symptoms on my own (in addition to the clinical depression, I am battling OCD, and major anxiety disorder) for close to two years now. And I am only getting MUCH worse. So this has been a real wake up call for me. As far as the apartment inspection is concerned: I am doing one or two tasks per day, and hope I will get it all done by the end of this week. *crossing my fingers* BTW, I was floored when I saw that you own several books I have on my own bookcase! And I thought nobody could be as weird as I am, huh? LOL. Good luck selling most of them. I actually tossed out close to 500 books when I left Chicago. Now I wish I had tried to sell them first! Thanks again for all the suggestions and help. I appreciate it big time.

Peace,

PD

 

I just wanted to thank all the kind folks that left me a comment here. I didn't expect so many of you to do so, and I feel more optimistic about battling my illness now. I'm gonna go to a mental health clinic ASAP, and continue to work on my apartment daily. Until I get everything done. Thanks again for all of the awesome help. I appreciate it big time!

Peace,

PD

 

All the info shared here is really good... i'm going to try some of it myself.
PoetDude - - - i suffer from huge bouts of depression (rollercoaster type) and find a kitchen timer is a GREAT help. If i feel i can't possibly get any work done i set the timer for 10 minutes and really work for the full 10. Sometimes i can only do 5 minutes! You will find that it feels *do-able* for just 10 minutes and if you want to veg for the next 3 hours and go again it's still doing something.
Good luck!

 

Hey, thanks for all the new suggestions! Yeah, I am having to do things a little bit at a time. I like the idea about the timer, and will try that one out for sure. Plus breaking it all down into smaller tasks, etc. So you have given me some awesome ideas, and I really do appreciate it big time. I am getting done what I can. Although it often overwhelms me. I got the stove all clean the other day! Now if I can just get the bathroom in shape. And actually throw some more things out, so I can work on cleaning the carpet. I'm still trying to hang onto some hope! And with a little luck (and a lot of effort) I will somehow make it through this crisis okay. Thanks again!

Peace,

PD

 

just wanted to say that you are not alone... depression and other psychic desieses or disorders can give you so much pain and suffering... I hope you are hanging on

 

Thank you. And I am. Otherwise I'd already be in my grave. Just like Van Gogh, Sylvia Plath, Anne Sexton, Hemingway, Truman Capote, Brautigan, Kurt Cobain, Hunter S. Thompson, etc. Yeah, clinical depression is such an easy thing to live with, huh? Just snap out of it?

Peace,

PD

 

Thanks for all your kind words. I appreciate it much. I am doing better. But it's slow going. I'm supposed to be back on antidepressants in another 3-4 days. I think that will help me to make some progress a whole lot sooner. And I'll finally get everything done. It's nice to find out other folks can understand where I am coming from, etc.

Peace,

PD