Single moms

here's the story gents,

I'm out on a first date with this very pretty, very funny lady. Things are going well, lots of laughs and pretty surprising chemistry. Half way through the date she drops the bomb. She has a kid.

Doesn't bother me in the slightest. Just curious if any of you have had any experience with single moms.

Advice, warnings?

 

Wrap it up, or there'll be two lil brats and just one single mom.

 

No experience, but I would seriously contemplate the responsibility a relationship with this woman would involve.

Ok, it doesn't bother you. But keep in mind that if you decide to take things further, you will end up being a very important person in the child's life. The child will rule you, and you will invariably take up a fathering role to some extent. If you can truly see yourself sticking it out with her for the long run, then of course, by all means go for it.

If not, though, spare the child the emotional turbulence of an extra man waltzing in and out of its life.

 

i'm not gonna get into your role with the kid cause experience will tell you that all woman are different when it comes to their kids..some want a new daddy...some want you to leave before the kid gets up......bang mom and dont mistreat her or the kid..stay within the confines of normal societal behaviour and you will be good...if ya fall in love..move her in....couple years later she will move out with a bunch of your shit and you can start over.....NOTE--anyone that comes back and says how can i take such a serious question so lightly..or the guys askin foe advice and i should respect that....fuck you

 

I've been with more mommies than I could count. I guess it all depends on what kind of relationship you guys want. It's not different than anything...just got to get on the same page.

P.S. The only warning I have is that they may not have as much time for you as you'd wish. I think most women are realistic enough that they wouldn't expect you to take care of someone else's kids.

 

You will never be the most important person in her life.

If you can't accept that as a fact, if you don't want a woman like that, move on.

 

i would agree with that MikeE. my son is numero uno. he got me through his twins death, no one else could have.
i would ask the following questions of the OP: How old are you? How old is she? the kid? how long has she been the single parent? are you a rebound? do you get along with kids?

kids are really complicated people. they do need a lot of support, and understanding. i dont think a single parent should be ruled out just for having a preexisting kid.

 

Tough call. Personally, I have no interest and am not even willing to discuss raising someone else's kid. But I'm not you. You need to look inside yourself and figure out if you are able to handle an instant family. Some can, most can't. Watch out for her stating her independence and the "I don't need a man to raise a kid". This is a big red flag. Remember, there is no "we" in independence. Also, the personality of the kid needs to be a major factor in the decision to pursue this relationship. A misbehaved kid AND how mommy handles it, is a reflection of the parents more so then the child.

 

i suppose that technically a man doesn't have to be a round to raise a kid. or a woman, for that matter. after all, wouldn't it be better to get a douchebag outta your life than have them raising your kid?

i'm a stepmother, but not a full time one. my stepson is a joy to me, he's one kick ass kid, nearly fully gown now. he's an amazing big brother to my girls and they adore him. i don't regret a thing. but i have to admit, it took QUITE A BIT of soul searching, a few back and forth moments of fear of being in a relationship with a man with a child and an ex wife. it's not something to treat lightly.

 

they live. so, technically, they're raised.

everyone knows a two parent household is better, but not if one of the parents is drug addled, abusive, cheating, lying, stealing. extreme example, but TECHNICALLY, a single parent can raise a kid.

 

People need to become a lot more selective when choosing someone. Especially someone to breed with.

 

no doubt.

 

Technically yes, a single parent can raise a kid. But look at the kids from those homes. Too many have a very difficult time. It's sad that in this day and age, with all the data to show that these kids suffer, people refuse to look at the underlying issues involved. Fathers are almost ignored on our society. Because so many have walked away or were thrown out when the mother knew they were not worthy even before she got pregnant. Mothers are so busy trying to make ends meet that they literally don't have the time to raise their kids. Every single parent bitches about how hard it is when there are too many ways to avoid the situation altogether. Listening to them whine about it is getting old. But, who, in the long run, is suffering the most? It's the kids. Through no fault of their own. When are these parents, either single or married, going to start talking about that? Before there is a pregnancy.

 

my mom seemed more single when she was married to my dad that when she divorced him. he was a wife beater, a drunk, a philanderer and took every deployment he could get and wouldn't send home any money until my mom talked to his CO and they started docking his pay. weall felt better off when he was gone. my mother has remained marrie to my stepfather for 23 years now, and while i respect her tenacity and loyalty, that wasn't easy, either.

my husband and i completely believe in staying married and raising our children together, and it's really easy for us. we actually love & respect each othr. but the fact remains that sometimes perfectly good people will have to end a bad relationship. we can't foresee everything. staying in a bad relationship for the kids isn't any better than going it alone.

i mean, purely hypothetically, what would you tell a widower left to raise hs children after his wife dies? children need a mother? just move on? sometimes they just can't. so, what? subpar relationship for the sake of the kids? can't they just visit with gramma or an aunt?

 

I've seen this too many times. My response is the same. I'll bet you anything that he was a dick before they made babies. I'm not being callous here. I understand your mom's frustration and the hardships caused by the situation. But people need to be more selective BEFORE they make babies. A widower? That's your argument. Come on. You are a lot more intelligent then that. A widower did not choose to have the mother pass away. It's the mothers who chose some douche bag knowing he was a douche bag and then whines because he's a douche bag. There is no substitute for biological parents. So be extremely selective when choosing who you breed with. Remember, parenting is a privilege, not a right. Having kids will not save a relationship, or change a person. If a person shows you who they are and what they are all about, believe them.

 

Jesus. You're just dating her. Go ahead and date her and see if she's compatible with you and if you want to take it to the next level.

Have fun, and I know you're going to treat her right and her child right, Mikey, so make her feel good and try to get to know her.

 

The great thing about single mothers is the are pretty much home every evening, so you don't have to worry about them just showing up when your out with your friends.

 

hey, man, don't get mad. without little geniuses like me running around the discussions all end with "yup" or "i agree." how fun is that.

and my dad wasn't a douche before. he became an alcohilic. he's sober now, and apparently a great dad/grandfather.

 

I'm not mad at all. Fact of the matter is that single mothers need to be more accountable. This needs to be shouted just as loud as the shouting for single fathers being more accountable that the media seems to love. We need a media outlet to do a story on the single mother epidemic that lays blame on mommies. After all, in the end, who decides if sex is really going to happen? Who is, by and large, left alone to raise a child? It is a sad fact, but it is a fact. Of course there are exceptions to this statement. There are exceptions to every statement about this topic. But they are exceptions. The majority of kids from single parent families have a harder time at almost everything. Look it up. Someone agreeing or disagreeing with a post is more then adequate. How would it not be? It shows a consensus among the posters of the particular thread.