i hope you like them.....but if you dont tell me what you didnt like about them.... im only 16 but like to hear what other people think.... I saw a dream, in a girl- Your hair was blowing fast The tribe gathered from miles To watch this girl she moved with grace She moved with beauty the tribe started to play At once soft, very soft, the formal music grew, faster beats, Now sound like a ritual, mind freeing, mind numbing experience. ...Spinning this brown haired myth was here. Still the music played, With passion Night fills the background A beautiful night stars are out Not a could in the sky The fire was red with a brilliant blue splash Moving as the young women flowed wearing A silk white dress frayed at the bottom Brown hair down in curls, blowing in the wind, As she spun. A white crown of daises lay on her head Move, moving-- The tribe starts to join. Dance, dancing-- They sway together she acts like a shaman Running her hands through her hair Dancing strange forms of a conga type (a steady beat, a rhythm) Now all in can see is her dancing with the tribe They say she’s a goddess, a true Saint, I cant stop thinking about how she looks she’s perfect Her body moves and brings the rain The fire is put to rest, the tribe slowly fades away She still dances now covered in rain Looking more natural and beautiful Brown hair, wet, flowing free (as the streams in the valleys) Rain rolls off her The white dress now see through exposes her curves She wears beads around her ankles Moving barefoot, she feels herself, Now getting tired Looking for a place to rest for the night Till dawn. She lays now On the wet desert filled sand The Goddess sleeps. Dream (part II)- I’ve had a dream The last two nights It’s in the car we are heading west The rode twists and slides the best Headlights pass like roaring dragon flies We’re going to fast around the snake like highway In the car I’m spinning my soul is screaming quit This new found ride won’t stop I jump from bed, shake the dreams From my hair and hear a voice (get dressed were Going on a trip to merrily feats and goodbye Rides… its time to die) Sara- There are gods and goddess Of our time, though gods they were Located on the island of Sillas Lived a goddess loved and worshiped By all… her hair was long brown filled with curls Her eyes were more powerful than anything of this world Her body was that of a true goddess Werarin a dress (reveling) That had a slit just as it hit her thigh Falling towards the ground. As she danced her dress moved with her body. Exposing her… In her room, fowers grew freely Bright blue, morning glory, practicing from Mandela-- The smells of flowers grow stronger She was more concentrated On her spiritual journey To reach ecstasy. (a young goddess Sitting on a flower covered floor Next to a bed with red drapes For red is the color of sexual vibes A large Mandala art work hung next To her bed with necklaces made from the ocean And this new wine here finally promised, dying on the vine) With an opened window the moon hit her hair Her looks were radiant After several days of mind bending Shamenistic experience. She was done And with a new out look of the world… A world were joy and bliss are held but covered up by…war and murder staying on this island would be best, were…were only the gods and goddess of there legend are treated With royalty. Were Aphrodite’s lays her head to rest. Were two lovers touching hands, they only touch The two of them. This is the place…where my wild love lives In the forest were Dionysus lives(the goddess of wine) Followed by her companions The wise satyr. My love is Artemis The Moon Goddess…filled with love
I enjoyed the use of mythical archetypes, the dancing and dreams images, and the mystical images. In fact, all of the content is wonderful, evoking imagination and feeling. What I felt was missing was concentration, indirectness more subtlety. The switches from personal to objective, as well as having two partial sentences on the same line instead of standing each on their own, distracted from your otherwise smooth flow. Perhaps grouping connected images, without the double space, would focus it even more. Great work and thank you for sharing. Bright Blessings.
An example of another way of presenting Mandala. I'll remove it after you read it. Once again, thanks for sharing. Hope you receive this only in love.
hey thanks man....but mandala isnt a poem on its own its part of Sara...but i do like how you made it line up and stuff....my school doesnt do much with poems and things so i dont know how they should be set up and stuff so i just kinda go with it...thanks for helping me....i appreciate it a ton.
your welcome, my pleasure. let me know if you when you want me to erase it... don't want to take up space, in your thread, with my version.
Your poetry is really good! keep writing, you have your own unique style ... does not need to be changed at all.
The meadow- The night is your and full of rest I can’t describe the way she’s dressed Under the stars of night, night of stars (close up, camera) (snapshot) Walking mindlessly on the grass, wet feet, Hands together talking (close up, camera) (snapshot) To the house we came, said good night And we stayed under the tree the sways Athena- When I see your dark beautiful hair I know its you I can see your smile as I come down from the steps out into the halls. Your older and wiser for I am young and foolish in the aspects of life. To compare you to the brightest petal of the wildest flower would be an understatement when I look into your eyes I see a goddess from an a labyrinth of gentle rolling hills on gentle gliding clouds I speak your name. Laisser aller- God paints early in the morning Colors of bright deep pink a splash of golden orange Looking over a hill to see the sunrise The early birds sing to a master piece Inspired by love to write a poem Walking by a garden picking up the Fragrance of a newly bloomed tulip Or a garden of white roses To lay down on the grass feel the breeze on your skin A gentle rain starts to stir to visit the Indian tribe Performing a powerful dance feeling the mist of the Highest waterfall on your face ...Re-birth Watching a river flow over a rock and through a whole The sea brings northern storms Wild berries growing dark and ripe Exotic Forrest brings exotic plants animals discovering places unknown To man a slow majestic dance between Two heart felt lovers gathered Around a fire your hands touching me Talking stranger says the word The late night ocean shines with the moon as we see our starlet couple fall in love
