My mind really would love for me to kill myself. I don't know what else to write, been going through some depression lately, it seems that it's always lingering around. I can put on a smile or laugh at times but this bull shit is always there.
Don't kill yourself. I know what it's like and your not alone (so stereotypical sounding). Im here for you if you ever need a friend to talk to though
don't kill yourself man. nothing is THAT bad. i always thought if i was ever gonna kill myself, i would at least give up on all responsibilities, maybe commit some crimes, do some drugs, and THEN kill myself. i just don't see what could ever be that bad to want to stop existing. but seriously, don't kill yourself
I'm going to be a complete loser and because I am rediscovering a bunch of songs I used to listen to, I thought this one was good. I'm not saying who it's by, there will be no mercy for me if I do. haah. Really though the lyrics are good. This song got me through a lot. This world, this world is cold But you don�t, you don�t have to go You�re feeling sad you�re feeling lonely And no one seems to care You�re mother�s gone and your father hits you This pain you cannot bare But we all bleed the same way as you do We all have the same things to go thru Hold on...if you feel like letting go Hold on...it gets better than you know Your days you say they�re way too long And your nights you can�t sleep at all (hold on) And you�re not sure what you�re looking for But you don�t want to no more And you�re not sure what you�re waiting for but you don�t want to no more But we all bleed the same way as you do And we all have the same things to go through Hold on...if you feel like letting go Hold on...it gets better than you know Don�t stop looking you�re one step closer Don�t stop searching it�s not over...hold on What are you looking for? What are you waiting for? Do you know what you�re doing to me? Go ahead...what are you waiting for? Hold on...if you feel like letting go Hold on...it gets better than you know Don�t stop looking you�re one step closer Don�t stop searching it�s not over... Hold on...if you feel like letting go Hold on...it gets better than you know...hold on
Get someone you know you can trust to talk to about this. If you're not getting much physical activity it may be playing somewhat into your general frame of mind. Find new friends... try doing things that will get you out of any ruts you may find yourself in. Break your routine by getting up and out early. Play upbeat music- particularly early in the day. If you're smoking weed heavily, cut back. Take a break for a few days and clear the mind. Meditate.
I'm not going to, I just have been feeling extremely weird. I don't want to die, I couldn't do that to myself and everyone around me, no matter how much my head tells me I'm a piece of shit, worthless, no one cares. I've been dealing with that voice in my head for a couple of years, it's not there everyday saying it, but it comes back to talk every once in a while. Fortunately I don't use any drug at all anymore, I havent been getting my normal amount of excercise, the past few days I was on a trip. I hate talking to people around me when in that mental state, but I'll make sure to talk to a guy I trust about it later today. You are right porkstock, nothing is truly that bad if you are keeping oneself on the right path as best you can. I make small things into the biggest things and think about everything at once and overwhelm myself. There are alot of repairs in my brain that are needed, it's a work in progress. I know by telling people what I'm thinking it can sometimes cut the problem in half and make it easier to deal with. Yeah the HipForums isn't exactly telling someone face to face but it is what it is, I love the HipForums and the people that are here. Thank you all for your posts.
Well I'm glad to see your not going to act on what your mind is telling you. Although sometimes life just does not seem worth the trouble of going through with, it is. Like Stinkfoot said get out and change up your routine and try and talk to a trusted friend or family member. Life is great but you sometimes just have to ride out some tough times, its how you react to tough times that shows your character. Suicide is selfish and I was glad to see that you would not want to put your family through that.
Well good for you... and much respect for the restraint as far as using substances. Drugs should be for recreational purposes only and not relied on to get past rough patches in life as that likely cultivates a dependence on them. Much of my own advice is drawn from my own personal struggles with demons and coming to terms with the fact that while they aren't likely going away there are ways of minimizing the impact on my state of mind. If an idle mind tends to gravitate toward depression then the obvious first step is to ensure that the mind is occupied... as well as the body-- hobbies, a job, working out, start a garden, paint, build something, play music, learn an instrument, go for hikes... do volunteer work... cultivate a friendship with someone you wouldn't normally choose to hang with. My own struggles were in part a product of my emphasis on doing nothing and the emphasis on responsibility and work being a huge inconvenience. I believed that the less I had to do the happier I'd be This not only had me processing routine responsibility with resentment and anger and creating a victim status for myself but also had me idling my mind much of the time. The thing is I seriously doubt the human mind is meant to stay idle and more than the body is. You can imagine that when one has such strong feelings against responsibility the kind of energy that's likely to be projected at things like job and school, etc. In settings like a work environment, co-workers will reflect this attitude back and perpetuate the "job hell" because few are really willing to pitch in and help a "Gloomy Gus"... they'd rather dump more work on him with a triumphant flourish then stand back to watch the entertaining angst in reaction. It took a major change to my own mindset to stop this vicious cycle from consuming my own sense of well being- as well as a period of time for me to live down a richly deserved reputation as a major league pain in the ass. I don't know that any of this applies to you but it gives a loose outline on how a person inadvertently feeds into his or her own depression. I wish you luck moving forward.
Yeah, it seems that I have been thinking that way. The less I have to do, the happier I'll be. It's bullshit really, it feels good to get things accomplished especially the things that you really do not want to do. I think I need to start structuring a daily routine. I had a "To Do List" with boxes next to the things I had to get done. I did some of the things, it felt good to check the boxes, but it really didn't have me finishing everything, left a lot of room for more procrastination. So I think that if I have a daily set schedule of activities, it could turn into me learning how to operate efficiently. Wake up at the same time everyday, no matter what. Eat breakfast, shower, tidy surroundings, and go to school or whatever is going on through the day. I'll try to figure something out in that respect shortly. Thanks again, I'll post the happenings.
I know those lyrics, recognize the 'hold on' chorus bit, but I wont name and shame ya In fact, I think they did bloody well with that song. But yeah, your plan is ideal. I garantee if you find strcture in your life, you find purpose. Early starts, going to the gym, eat well- if you are happy in body you will be happy in mind. Hope you are OK though, suicide just should not be an option. We all get down from time to time, I am myself at the moment, but you just have to remember life goes in waves. One minute you're up, then down, then up again- just battle through things and look focus on what you love instead of hate about yourself.
never seen a happy dead person..... being dead looks totally f'king boring stick around for a bit.... see wot happens:biggrinjester:
Makes sense then.... I sincerely hope that it helps. One bit of advice... a heads-up sort of thing.... learn to be very patient with this and yourself. Whatever pattern of though precipitates the down periods may well be a deeply ingrained habit you're going to need to unlearn- so making lists and forcibly occupying the brain may need to be something you do for quite a while. There are strategies I use now that were taught to me 15 years ago but I didn't get good at using them until more recently... like processing things, spoken word, inconvenience, etc., simply as information without adding emotional value to it. Getting pissed off at things I can't hope to change may be understandable but it is ultimately my decision to react internally that way. Hopefully some of this can be of use to you. These types of things can be very challenging but I assure you it is well worth the effort. Fate has an exit strategy in mind for each of us- no sense in circumventing the opportunity to gain something on a spiritual level... or depriving the world of the privilege of your existence and what you have to offer others. Spend some time reflecting on the things you have to offer.... are you an artist? musician? You do write poetry if my memory serves me correctly. Always set aside regular time to pursue or study that.
Yes I write and create artwork. I find journaling to be an extremely helpful thing, do it at least every night before you go to bed and write down what happened and your feelings throughout the day. I was slacking for a minute there, but it has been helping once again, can't afford to slack anymore. After you get about a month's worth of daily journals you can see patterns, both good and bad in your behaviors, if you're writing honestly that is. You can release yesterdays energies good or bad, and start out with a brand new day everyday. I woke up at 6:30 today got up and had to write my second to last speech outline for class that started at 12:30 today. It was a speech of change, I wrote my outline on depression and did an extremely good job. The length to shoot for was 6 minutes, I did 5 minutes 55 seconds. Then after everyone gave their speeches a kid asked the professor when we'll start the next one, he said we are going to cancel the last speech since we're ahead of the other classes! How fucking awesome is that, feels so good to be done with it. I was so uncomfortable when I first walked into the class, now it isn't much sweat off my back and I'm done! I have 57 more days until I graduate from this dual enrollment highschool. Life is one moment at a time so I'm learning to live in today. I was focusing on these dates on my calendar, thinking I'll be ok once this day comes. When doing that though it magnifies my problems to an extreme level. Gotta stick in the here and now, today is all any of us have. Feeling grateful today, thank you everyone for your time.
a journal is a good idea. thanks. i used to keep a dream journal, in an attempt to be able to lucid dream. it served the same purpose though - to allow you to see patterns, that you might not see without your words written down.
Well for the 'artists' at hand, I think they tried to actually make something proper like. And I think they have probably helped somebody out there, so pipe down.
To the original poster, You have a lot of advice that is great on here and I wish you well on your path. You will make it. Take care of you Love and light Heat
