So I'm having a bit of a crisis in regards to love. A bit of back story: my parents recently split after 30 years, and they never seemed happy anyway. I've also been on the shit end of a few rough breakups in the past. Now I find that I question everything I can about love. I've broken up with a couple women who loved me so much and hurt them as bad or worse than I've been hurt, and every time I get the slightest bit comfortable in a relationship I start to question it until it ultimately destroys the relationship. I usually regret it and end up missing the person. I've been in the best and most stable relationship in my life for the past few months, and I'm extremely compatible with this girl. I just moved to a new city and plan to return in 6 months, and I'm suddenly having doubts. Not a definitive sort, but the kind that slowly creeps up and is vague enough that I'm not even sure they're real. Is this because of the distance, meeting other people, or because we're drifting apart? To wrap it up, I have a few questions. When you're truly in love, do you ever doubt it? Do you ever have feelings for other people? Does even the slightest bit of doubt indicate being with the wrong person? Or am I just emotionally scarred and doomed to never be content?
Having doubts I think is normal in any relationship. There is no perfect relationship but there are ways that you can bring out the best in each other and strengthen your love and bond.
I think subconsciously your afraid of the dysfunctional relationship you saw your parents have and want to avoid it in your own love life so you systematically terminate your relationships past a certain point. I suggest meditation and calm and say to yourself to learn to communicate with your partners better rather than shutting them out. Also be a realist, just because your with someone you aren't going to not notice other physically attractive people. Tell yourself at the end of the day that they're just people and the grass is not always greener elsewhere. If you are unhappy with your relationship for a reason that cannot be fixed, that's a valid reason to breakup. Tell your gf the truth that you need to get help because you think your parents divorce affected how you see and maintain relationships. At the core I think your scared and so ask for help and don't feel shame about it.
Healthy abouts of doubt s a good thing. But when you have a overabundance of doubt and fear, we call that paranoia and that usually implies there's trust issues in the relationship. Which totally makes sense since your parents obviously exposed you to a husband wife relationship suffering trust issues I'd be willing to guess.
some doubts are normal, i guess...... but honestly i get so fucking sick to shit of my friends bitching about their fucking marriages. i think marriage can and should be a freeze-frame high-five with an explosion in the background and badass theme-music. my wife and i have the problem of thinking we are pretty much the best couple ever, like we fucking invented love i guess?? all other couples can suck our balls. it is honestly probably really fucking obnoxious to our friends. oh well. but maybe we are just way too lazy to be bitchy.
Nah that's not what I think we're talking about when it comes to doubts. Awesome you found someone who complements you well though, that's rare to find, hopefully it stays that way through the many hurtles of life though. And i have to ask what was your home life like for you and your wife? If it was stable and healthy, it would explain why you are happy in your own marriage.
Questioning is good because it keeps you on your toes. It means you are less likely to take it for granted that you've been lucky in finding someone. On the other hand, if it chips away at the reality of having someone good because of unknown neuroses within yourself, that is something you need to figure out. And fast !!! When a person avoids their own truths, they'll make bad decisions. People that weren't guided by their own parents to understand themselves are the ones that are most vulnerable to get with the wrong people for the wrong reasons. Mostly love is about selflessness in a mature sensible way. Don't give into the whims of a weak mind. Grow, learn, confront your fears, face it head on.
