Tell me the problems with child relationships

It is hard for me to write this, and i almost thought of putting it under a different username because i know how touchy this subject is, i know this thread could turn out to just be a eleven people sending me flame but i am looking for some answers as this topic has entered my life

I have looked across the internet as much as i could to what are the negative effects of child molestation. Maybe it is because i'm a bad researcher or that i never but in that much effort, in the end my results were scattreted and inconclusive.Generally the prombelms are about the child being under the control of the older person and because of their age the older person manipulates them to their wills against the child's wants and the abuse can becume quite physcally painful to the child, scaring them mentally and physically which is also caused by the lost of control of their lives and the mix feelings about this taboo practice being played on them that is at their age not discussed (sex and the sexual organs)

What sparks my interest is can a sexual relationship with an adult be less or the same hurtful as a relationship with a person of the same age. All relationships that end are painful to an extant. The trial of the teacher who sleep with her student and the rather lack of any trauma to the child. Yes he was 14 year old male which is leagues away from, let us say a nine year old girl. (I may be slightly sexist in the development of children but i belive men can handle more racy and immoral behavior and react immaturely but not be as scared as most of the girls the same age, girls i think should be protected longer then men.) As a result it goes back to :

Do you think that relationships with minors can be as harmful as relationships with children the same age?

What is an apporate age if you had to place one for consented sexual or non-sexual (i.e. touching kisssing etc)relationships? would it be different between boys and girls/?

Please add any comments on the topic that you want or propose your own questions

Thank you for your time

 

I met a 27 year old when I was 17 he didn't touch me until 7 months after we met so I wouldn't consider that molestation. I know I was touched as a child but I just dont' remember, my mind wont let me. Once when I was 8 by an older neighbor and another time as a todler. I can;t remember either of these. I can barely remember the sexual assault that happened to me as an adult. I remember nothing almost. My mind's protecting me.
I think 18 is the appropriatte age.

 

I know of two reasons that are inherent with child molestation. One is the obvious physical danger, especially to girls. Pregnancy during the early years of being a teenager is much more dangerous than pregnancy at a later date. It is much easier to stop all sexual acts than try to limit it to acts that do not lead to pregnancy. Also, the minds of underage children are not advanced or wise enough to deal with the inclusion of sexual relationships. They trust people completely, and can't comprehend it when they are betrayed. At their age, they are forming their opinions about the world, and just begining to realize what types of relationships exist. It is too much to ask for them to understand sexual relationships, and it can cause them major psycological damage.

There are also a number of issues that, while not an inherent danger in child molestation, are incredibly common. The most dangerous is rape. Rape is much more complicated with a child, as they cannot always be accounted for their own actions.

Even a small event can change the way a person thinks for their entire life if it occurs when they are a child. It is far too dangerous to expose them to sexual relationships.

And, of course, people with religions or moral codes may consider child relationships a sin, which would imply a set of spiritual repurcusions.

 

an older person shouldnt mess around with a child. thats it.

 

well i wouldnt consider it child molestion if a 19 year old fucks a 17 year old, but thats kind of the limit. 30 year old messing with 9 year olds is just wrong

 

it seems the most comman response to someone preety is them being hurt

 

I am speaking as a father of a nine year old daughter. I worry about her innocence and hope that she is "ready" for her first encounter whenever it happens. I hope she is much older than she is today.

I have read "My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday. It is a book of letters from women sharing their sexual fantasies. Most of them refer to their first sexual encounter as an inprint on how they feel, think and enjoy sex. Many mention the earliest remembrance of sexual thoughts and encounters. Many women as young as 5 years old, some even younger. A few had encounters that were harsh and painful; others were intrigued and curious by their thoughts and encounters.

I believe the trust a young person has for adults is eroded to the point of lifetime scaring when they are involved with such a confusing intimate experience. The situation is bad enough, but I am guessing that it often comes with many other factors. Such as threats from the adult to make the child keep the secret. The child’s fear of having done something wrong and are to blame. The confusion that can haunt them for life and assure years of needed professional treatment.

Research has proven that many women who choose women as a lover have had an inappropriate sexual encounter. I am not discounting a woman's right to choose a woman lover, but referring to women who prefer women because they can not trust men.

I say to each his/her own, but they need to make the choice as an adult, not have to deal with it as a child. Rarely is the situation where the child is the aggressor. I have also known several women who had sad experiences as children and the problem manifested itself as eating disorder and weight problem.

There is plenty of evidence to show that society is correct for it’s concern about this issue. The age might be a bit stringent at 18, but if we need to err, to err on the safe side is best.

I will agree that the 14 year old boy being seduced by a sexy blond is different than a nine year old girl being molested. I doubt the boy was complianing, but he is still too young to make a proper choice that will effect the rest of his life. I guess that he will be paying child support at some point for her choice to molest him. This is just one of many ramifications to consider.

James

 

You know a child and a minor is different... children aren't as up to what the consquences of being with an older man/women is. Children don;t usually think about have sex with older men/women. Children do not bring upon them selfs molostation or rape, only the offender brings that on. Children are not fully aware of the world around them and to be an older man/women touching or kissing a young one (molesting) is wrong! Making someone think your a super cool person and then betrying their trust by having sex with or fondiling them is the ultimate betrayal.

Honestly depending on the age of the adult with a minor its okay. For example a 25year old dating a 16 0r 17 year 0ld isn;t all that bad. But the teacher who was 40 while the student was 14 is a factor to me. I mean can't that 40year old find someone who is more exprenced in "love" or in relationships. I mean sure a 14 year old knows what love and realtionships are, but lets say a 20 year old knows more about the subject. Not fair to make a 14 year old who is not completly aware of these things believe they love you. This was as ahrmfu being with a child because compared to her age he was a child. Sometimes minors who date older men can be as harmful i mean look at the girl ( amy fisher I think) who went to kill that guys wife. Thats the point when it becomes harmful! So yes depending on the situation on the relationship and the people it can be just as harmful as being with a child.

 

Mostly its really bad im sure there are some exceptions but 9 yr old in anyones book should be too young. Plus sininabain im sure you do not have good intentions

 

thank for such a calm post

Just wondering what would be good intensions when going into relationship it would be like wanting to make them happier more secure more confident and happer stuff like that?

 

yeh.. while simultaneously not wanting to make yourself happier in the process. otherwise you would have mixed intentions, and most likely your good intentions would be a mask that even yourself believes as true

 

No it's just fucked up. A child is coerced. The abuser has power over the child and that's the differance. A bad adult relationship does not have the same dynamics. Although woman and children are treated unfairly and manipulated in many of the same ways, the woman is still fullfilling some of her own needs when the child is not.... ever.

 

children do like to be held and be thought of as special and be touched and massaged they like to have serects between people, and learn new things too

 

What are you trying to justify Sininabin?
don;t forget much of morality is social context, and unless the society you live in has a different moral structure that standard western european/American (South and north)/ or asian moralities, diddling with kids is not a socialy acceptable behavior.

 

Teens are teens and in the not so distant past it was not so uncommon for younger teens to be wed ect by men of 20's and even 30's but views have changed in the world so now it is not normal. As the that example of a 9 year old well I mean I am no person to judge another person. I would question the fact that the older person being the person who would likely posses the higher intelligence and experience had intentions of a relationship with a person of such a young age for proper reasons. If the reasons were not for honorable intent then I would firmly believe that the reaction to the 9 year old would be far more impactual and lasting then say that of a 15 year and then again it would be worse on that 15 year old then say a 20 year old and so on to a certian level. This is totally based on my opinion since I know of no unbiased research that had ever been done and frankly would be concerned about such reasearch.

As for the father that posted earlier well Im with you. The later (old joke "date when you 30 and Im dead") the better for me, lol.

 

i was never trying to justify anything i just wanted some thoughts and i wanted to know more about the exact pychological promblems that can happen. Morally i guess i have to say when a person is manipulating other people then it is morally incorrect not that it plays an important factor to what most people do

 

When I was little a teenage boy used to come visit my sister while she baby-sat me during the day and he molested me. I didn't know it was wrong at the time, and I did like his company. To this day I still think about it. Why is that if it was mutual affection? It's because HE TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME. The pain LASTS A LIFETIME. Don't ever say that the kid may like the attention therefore it's ok. Kids don't have the ability to make decisions regarding their bodies let alone captain crunch or lucky charms for breakfast. If you want to show affection towards a child in this way then you are a SICK MOTHERFUCKER and you need help, not help in finding other ways of justifying your behavior.

 

Like i've said before i'm not trying to justify just explore other's ideas. But i'm just as i said before their are some factors that children might enjoy, not all children but some. In your case the same could of happen in a older relationship where you are contantly remained about it in a thoughtful way. Unless in your case it is a overwheliming negative memory, i was not sure, but i know that its common for people to remeber their past relationships no matter what age. Yes they don't have too much power to choose but when is anyone really able to make desions that will affect their whole life, what you make today can and will seem like the wrong choice when you look back on it with the wisdom that you have gained in the decade between the choice.

 

These are the children that are targeted. These perps can see a child like that from a mile away. It is a dangerous belief that children enjoy it.... I see what you're saying but the big picture is that thoughts like it will give diddlers more fuel.

peace.

 

I cant believe that some people put an age limit on when to have sex " oh my daughter cant date till shes 16 or whateva." I think it all depends on what the persons mentality was. I know a person that had the brain of a 10 year old i swear at least 10 year olds nowadays..... well he was 18 and messed around with this girl that was like 12 or 13. he got sent to jail. i just cant believe bc of his mentality and bc he was housed like a rat in a cage at his parents house that he was sent to jail. i dont agree with a person whos 18 going with a 12 year old but he should have been sent somewhere else to juvie or somethin not be sent into a big mans prison where it obviously didnt do him any good. he didnt learn that what he did was wrong but then again i dont really believe that jail works for a lot of the population i really only believe jail should be for the child molesters and the rapists and murderers to house them so that the public is safe from them.