terminations: in what circumstances does the male have a right to a voice

you might get more votes if this weren't a public poll...

I don't think my opinion really fits any of those categories. I think he (who provided the sperms) does get a say, he should have the chance to voice his opinion/beliefs on the issue, and she (the woman with the fertilized egg inside her) should take that into account, but the final decision should be hers and hers alone to make.

 

Well, judging by the posts on HF, I would say that there are many men whose voices are in the general debate. Since the anti-choice position is based on giving legal status to the unborn, I think its appropriate for everyone to join the discussion.

If you are asking about a particular abortion/adoption/parenthood decision, my position is that the pregant woman gets to seek counsel from whoever she want to. If her MD is male, he should definatly be consulted. She might choose to get advice from her father, brothers, or from a male spiritual advisor.
There are one (possibly two) men who have special standing: the father and her husband. Each of these men has a financial stake in her decision.

(I remember a line from the Rosanne show: "How did you tell Dan you were pregnant with Becky?" "I said Get A Job!" "What about with Darlene?" "I said Get a better job.")

Unless there are special circumstances, I think the father and her husband each should be told before the abortion and given an opportunity to express their opinion. Which circumstances qualify as "special"? I leave that decision to the woman.

A pregnant woman should consult who ever she wants about the decison to have an abortion. Since I trust a pregnant woman to make her own choices, I approached the question more from a "find the males among her counselors" puzzle than a issue of which males have a legitimate stake in the state of a woman's womb.

(Edit in: How about this, she should consult with the same men she did when she decided to go off birth control.)

 

i think that the only time a man has a say in what happens to the unborn baby is when he is going to co parent and stay with the women or if the couple is already married or ina relationship. but thats all he can just voice his opinion and his beleifs on the subject otherwise the final decision is up to the woman.

 

I think it should be the woman's choice. The man can run away even with legal papers signed. Of course the man has say in the matter, but in the end it should be up to the woman.

 

Ditto
MikeE makes a good point about male doctors and all, do agree with him too.

In the abstract is really annoys me when men preach about abortion; it's fair to say they will never directly be in that situation so how can they truly know what is in a woman's best interests. Of course if they want to grow their own uterus and have a kid, well then we can talk.

 

Yep, I concur. The guy has every right to voice his opinions, but ultimately it's the woman's decision - she's the one who has to carry the child in the end.

 

A good freind of mine is still waiting for the $200.00 dollars an exboyfreind owes her for an abortion..........which she had in 1979, he claimed he would "support you and the baby" at first, then HE decided it would be best if she aborted, with his financial support. She sat on the roof of his car, for 3 hours, waiting for him to come out of his house, on the day of the procedure, he never came out, never showed up at the clinic and never even called to see how she was doing afterward. She took a cab to the clinic and back. Yeah, I am SURE he would supoorted them both, and the baby, if she had done what he originally wanted. (Part of his "decision" for her to abort, was that he "didn't really feel like" getting a job" at the time........")

No, not all men are like this.(this is just an anecdote and proves nothing.) Not by a long shot.......only the ones who insist womyn have children that they themselves have NO intention of supporting, emotionally or financially, but, for God knows what reason, still want born.

 

What about the reverse situation, though? Everyone assumes that the men's say in an abortion argument would be against. I've known several young women who were in relationships that resulted in unplanned pregnancy, where the boyfriend was in support of an abortion she DIDN'T want. (For the record, I think nobody should even have sex until they are ready to face up to the possibility of what could come of it) I just thought it was interesting that everyone interpreted the question in the same way, with men against abortion.

I agree, though, with what most of you have said. I think the men should have some say, some opinion to be heard. But it should still come down to the woman's decision in the end, 100% of the time. Having a child is like giving up a certain part of yourself for the rest of your life, and that should be nobody else's business really.

 

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I know of a man who got an abortion stoped. He got legal custady while the baby was still in the womb. He paid for everything all the Dr.'s visits apartment for the mother while she was pregnant I mean everthing. The couple was in a longterm relaionship and she didn't want children at all but he wanted to keep the baby. He raised his daughter alone without the mother. The mother never even saw the baby she didn't want to. I do belive men have some rights.

 

I'd like to hear more details about that. Do you have any names or dates that would help me do a web search for more info?

 

It was a while ago and I will have to ask him if he minds about giving his name out. His daughter is a teen now.

 

Ultimately, it is the woman's choice as to whether she terminates a pregnancy or not, but I do feel that the male should have a say if he is willing to help support the child and mother. Of course, there must be a certain amount of trust between he and the mother (that he will actually fulfill his obligations), but if this trust is intact, the man having a say, I believe, is important.

 

The male can voice his opinion all he wants.

If a man can stop a woman from terminating, how long will it be before a man can FORCE a woman to terminate?

Scary shit.

 

I've had several abortions-all during the sixth week. I did not tell the partners, I instead told them I lost the preganacy or that it was a false alarm. I had good reasons for all three. The first two I had physical problems and most likely the pregnancy would not be healthy and I knew my fiance wanted kids and didn't believe in abortion.

The second guy I did tell, but he made it clear he did not want to have a child and also he was not really up to my or my family's standards for who I want to be with. Also, I do not want to be a single mother and planned parenthood was good enough to take me the following monday.

I feel like I did the right thing in all three instances. The first two because I would not have had a healthy child physically and the last because I felt like having a child who would eventually know his father didn't want him/her would cause an emense amount of mental pain and anguish, in addition he is an alchoholic and having an alchoholic father as a child I know I did the right thing.

I feel horrible about being so irrespoinsible as to allow myself to become pregnant 3 times but I do not feel bad for not telling the people I was with. The first two would have caused too much pain and the last I felt the person would cause me even more pain over my decision.

I now know as an adult woman that I can handle having a child and am now responsible enough to only sleep with people I would want a child with. I've changed and can forgive myself for doing something that morally I believe is the easy way out and extremley selfish. For me outersex (hah) is the answer until I meet 'the one' and any guy who has a chance at being the one will understand that.

But all in all I do not think the father should have any right in the decision because ultimatley he will always have the option of taking the easy way out and YOU as a woman will be the one who's life is forever changed.

 

That is not true some men are deeply changed by finding out that their partner lied to them about a pregnancy and they can't forgive themselves. I know alot of men who take care of the children when the mothers just walked away. I think that if it is a relationship that it should be atleast discussed. A woman might give birth but the child is part of the man also. Communication is the best way.

 

I am sure that is true in a lot of cases, but it was not in the last one I had, especially since he acted the part of a child himself, the alchohol and drug problems, the agression issues and was very dependent financially on his parents for his age. I did not want to be linked to someone like that for life and later I found out that I DEFINETLEY did the right thing. The first two the guy would have flipped if he found out I had one and I did not want an unhealthy baby because in my line of work I see what a painful life kid's and their families can live.
Like I said I do not regret any of my terminations- I just really regret and feel sorrow for being stupid enough to let myself become pregnant with people I did not want a child with. I was completley immoral and have finally forgiven myself.

After my std scare last year, that turned out to be a stupid allergy and the pregnancies I have finally woken up and become somone respectable, which I can not say I was in my behavior prior to this point in my life. between the ages of 17-last spring I was somone I really did not like and I let people disrespect me because I did so with myself. Now, if I did become pregnant I would tell my partner because I have a new 3 month rule before commiting to anyone in the slightest and it has weeded out every guy I have dated lately, but also has prevented me from sleeping with men I viewed as competent and succesful when in actuality they lived in debt, lied about their job, were a little stalkerish...I could go on and on.
There are great men out there, I am sure. I just haven't met one who I click with enough yet. If I was really in love with a really great guy I wouldn't even consider termination. I think me being celebate and just casually dating is a good way to ensure that I don't become irresponsible to that degree again. But I no longer feel guilty.
Guilt is such an empty and useles emotion, where true change is fulfilling and worthwhile.

 

Sorry Lynsey I didn't mean to make it seem like it was directing it towards you specifically. I was talking in general terms.

 

In CA they have "safe surrender" sites where you can leave an unwanted baby. (Every hospital,police,& fire station is one, I beleive.) I am sure it is emotionaly different, but abandoning the kid is also an option for the mother.